I just spent an hour reading and re-reading this thread....as many know i truly relate to you easyrider....there are many great points made on this thread, but i really like what Besty had to say here:
It was a decision point. My preferred outcome was get her out with me, or if not get out and stay out myself but stay together as a couple, and if that wasn't possible then accept that sometimes life moves on and this is not a dress rehearsal.
So I dropped in the 'Jesus is not our Mediator' question when she was a bit emotional about a difficult CA day to ensure maximum chance of success - that worked for me and she was mentally free within 48 hrs. Result. Thank you jwfacts.com. Let me caveat that by saying she knew I thought it was all BS for many years before - just I hadn't been free to share my apostaknowledge with her until that point. However I had done the dutiful meeting attendance under sufferance although was completely not doing any FS, answering up, volunteering etc
Doctrinal arguments won't cut it for most diehard JWs - too many deeply implanted thoughtstoppers - 'wait on jehovah, don't run ahead, new light, have you been looking on the Internet?'
You might try dropping the bomb and saying you suspect the entire religion might not be what it claims - asking her to bear with you whilst you do some research - choose an emotive topic to hang this conversation on - nobody likes dead babies (blood) or molested children
This is my point by points about the above quotes....for i am now able to look back at my painful exit of JW with my diehard perfect jw wife still in....there are MANY things I would have done differently......so i hope this helps some....and i will send easyrider my phone number and e-mail (cause MAN do we need to talk!)
1. Decision point.....yes you must make one and soon...you are in purgatory right now and it will take a health toll and not just on you....my wake up though was so quick and painful...it did lead me to horrible drinking (checking out i called it)....many shrinks and tons of meds for a year (my wife convinced....and even a suicide attempt with many many pills and a bottle of Jack...so make a plan and stop this ride you are on
2. Get her out with me.....not this part is scary for me....my wife is a wonderful woman too...but part of me so wants to be TOATALLY free to grow and live, and i cant in this marriage, so i am trying to find a balance of partial freedom/happiness....when both are jw, there is a HUGE commonality...friends and time and hopes esp. With that gone now we have so little in common....but i fear that if i do free my wife....we will STILL have little in common....so it kind of scares me to want to wake her up anymore cause if that happened and i had to move on anyway...now i have taken her entire social structure away from her???....now that would seem cruel to me...she is 51 btw
3. Timing and topic (mediator)...and i like how Besty timed it well...but that may not be an option for you. I am not in favor of just doing the slow fade. But I also disagree with this point of just bringing up the topic that may be your dealbreaker and hopefully yours....here is why...my dealbreaker became our fake bible...and it took me a year of intense research, elder meetings...co meeting....letters to society...before they confirmed my worst fear...that our bible....the New Testament part of it was a FRAUD. Even though i SHARED all i was learning with my wii should have done it the way i "quote" below. you may be treated much better by your wife during your exit, and it may make it much harder on her to enjoy the meetings.... if you make part of this HER FAULT....make her go with GUILT (by letting her know she makes you feel you will never measure up)...like this:
"Honey, I know how disappointed in me you are with my lack of zeal and spirituality...you deserved better...and i am afraid I may never meet your standards. I really wish i could do more, but to be honest with you....i have some nagging doubts that are effecting my faith, and i really don't feel comfortable talking with the elders about it. (she may as what they are...and can she help..that would be great). Yes dear, I have really been troubled by (insert issue here...one she may a tiny thought about)....I am so down right now i don't think i can dig into it on my own...but it would great if you could help me because i so want strengthen my faith and draw closer to Jehovah. I think we should pray about it right now and ask Jehovah for help." THE END (plus...after the prayer she will jump your buns and you will get some super sweet poontang)
OK...that is what i WISH i had done!!!......Don't ever TELL them what you know or have found!!!!.....Find out together...it may be your only chance. I would really like to know what you think the topic will be...so many here had different issues....the UN, blood, Jesus as mediator, 1914, GENERATION! (oh i should have walked in 1995 dammit...and this one is an easy target)...molestation, fake bible adding name jehovah 237 times rather that RESTORING it as they claim........good luck and call me or pm me or e-mail me.........................oompa
