As a JW Were you Counseled on Grooming, your Dress or Hair Styles ?

by flipper 49 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  snowbird

  I knew brothers who were counseled for wearing Afros.

  During the early 80's, I bought 4 pairs of Dr. Scholl's - red, navy, tan, and white - to wear to the meetings during the sizzling summers we have down here. They felt so good to slip into after a long, hot day at work.

  Well, this one elder made it his business to mention that on a "special needs' talk. He pompously stated that sisters should wear hose and dress shoes to the meetings.

  I was quite resentful that they didn't seem to understand how tiring and hot heels and hose can make you feel.

  Sylvia
• 

  keyser soze

  I was quite resentful that they didn't seem to understand how tiring and hot heels and hose can make you feel.

  I hear ya' snowbird.
• 

  coffee_black

  One incident comes to mind. I wore my hair up to an assembly... and an elder's wife came up to me and told me it was inappropriate, and that I should change it right then. I told my dad and he and I went together to have a talk with her.

  He told her that she was not a spiritual policewoman...and that if she had anything to say about the way I dressed, she was go to him...otherwise, she was to keep her opinions to herself. He then told her..."by the way, I think she looks beautiful, and I set the standards in my household, not you"...

  Gotta love my dad...

  Coffee
• 

  Gladring

  I've been meaning to read this thread for a while. Some have already commented on the mind-control aspects of dress/grooming counsel. For me this has left a legacy of self-esteem and self-image issues.

  People often commented on my "obedience". I was very good at accepting counsel and direction. Growing up a JW, I never had any control over my style. My father was quite restrictive. They had something about denim in the '80s.

  As a teen, I always wanted to grow my hair longer. I would fight it for as long as I could, but in the end would give in to the constant nagging from my dad. He would make some encouraging remark like "your hair looks smart" and I would flip out. I didn't think it looked smart. He got his way, there was no need to rub it in. I would go through this cycle and never, ever achieve the look I wanted. If you want your hair long it does go through a scruffy stage before it straightens out. I would never get past this stage.

  One incident with the local PO sticks in my mind. When I was about 12-13 my folks were clearing out some stuff from their wardrobes. My dad had some great kipper ties, genuine '60s stuff. He had this cool brown sports jacket too. None of this stuff would fit me but I liked it and didn't let them throw it away. I kept it and grew into it. When I was 17ish the PO counseled me because this jacket wasn't smart enough. I handled mics at the meetings and he said I should wear a suit jacket. This seriously screwed with my head. I would be up in my room getting ready for the meeting and reach for the jacket. A lot of teens have esteem issues and I was no stranger. I would be paralysed trying to choose what to wear. I always buckled. Even in my mid 20s I still struggled with self image.

  I never got to experiment and find my own style when I was in my teens. I woke up at 27-28 and left the cult and realised I have no idea what I want to look like. I'm growing my hair, but I don't know how things will end up. I have clothes I feel comfortable in. I feel much more comfortable about my appearance and I'm putting myself under no pressure to rush things. Somehow I'm sure that this will never fully leave me.

  I totally agree that the dress codes are mind-contol. I would add that the only reason they give you privileges like microphone duties, MS etc. is to tighten their grip. "Oh you have to set an example, the young ones are looking up to you". Just one big head f***.
• 

  keyser soze

  As a teen, I always wanted to grow my hair longer.

  Same here, I wanted hair like Eddie Van Halen's. The snide comments usually came from my oldest brother, who was an elder by the time I got to be in high school. Whenever my hair got longer than he thought it should be, he would introduce me to people as his "sister, ******". The moral of the story was that long hair was unchristian, but humiliating people wasn't.
• 

  undercover

  I was counseled more than once on my grooming.

  The thing was, I was conservative compared to the "real" world. Back in the late 60s thru the 70s (all my school years) I was the un-hip, un-cool, square kid. Short hair, no cool clothes. Even in high school when I tried to exert my own style, I was still square.

  Then I'd go to the hall and get counseled for being too "worldly".

  Talk about a mindfuck. You stick out at school and everywhere else where people kept up with the times but then go to the hall and you're reminded how you're not following counsel or setting a good example.
• 

  Quirky1

  I never was counseled and neither anyone in my family but I do remember two or three "sistah's", scmelders wives, getting counseled on their revealing dress and "bright" or shall I say "vivid" hair colors and styles. I even knew of a slightly goth "sistah" who wore sipder web pantyhose or stockings that was talked to. The over abundance of jewelry was a big thing too but the PO's wife always got away with it.

  I also remember a couple of the guys wearing a thumb ring that was the topic of discussion many times and a jolly roger keychain.

  WTF? These people have nothing better to do than tell them what they should wear.
• 

  Gladring

  undercover said

  Talk about a mindfuck. You stick out at school and everywhere else where people kept up with the times but then go to the hall and you're reminded how you're not following counsel or setting a good example.

  I hear you. Didn't fit in anywhere. I was an English kid living in Ireland and a JW - I never stood a chance :)
• 

  caliber

  I remember in the early eighties period that many MS's in our congregation including me were wearing

  mustaches. Suddenly an Assembly part is given about certain business men who had once had

  mustaches were quoted as saying that they're sales went down ... likely because they appeared less

  trustworthy with the mustache ! One elder between noon parts shaved his off ! He even suggested to

  us as MS 's that it would show humility and a right example if we did the same . I said "I decided on my own

  to grow a mustache .... beards I know have always been out (I least in my life time ) now they simply have

  WENT TOO FAR.... I am keeping my mustache .. thank you very much ! " Never did not have a mustache after that

  till this very day !

  I know of a Elder who was quite heavy so he wore blazers not suits ... it was easier to make his cloths fit.

  He was told that at Assemblies all brothers giving parts MUST wear match pants and suit top ... what

  a embarrassment for this otherwise very humble likable elder ..it all boils down to controlling the little things... like the military if you are corrected and fall into line in the little things

  you'll never get to the point of trying to get away with bigger things . Subtle control works you worry about a spot

  or wrinkle or an undone button .. fine tuned self -discipline sets in automatically... you are caught ...you are controlled !

  Caliber
• 

  keyser soze

  Suddenly an Assembly part is given about certain business men who had once had

  mustaches were quoted as saying that they're sales went down ... likely because they appeared less

  trustworthy with the mustache

  It always amazed me when they would make comparisons to the business world when trying to impose their rules on dress and grooming. They did the same thing with beards and sideburns, as if these were really the standards that Jesus would hold his followers to.