As a JW Were you Counseled on Grooming, your Dress or Hair Styles ?

by flipper 49 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Gladring

  I was thinking about this earlier. In particular the hair and the beard side of things.

  I remember when I was younger a quite liberal elder from a neighbouring cong. say that in the new system that he was going to grow his hair down to his waist. He said something like "don't let small minded men and their opinions spoil it for you". At one point in that congo. a number of elders (including him) grew beards until neighbouring congregations refused to accept speakers with beards and the co cracked down.

  A few years ago, not long before I became an MS we were away for a few months. During the time I decided to experiment with a beard. I asked some of the guys I worked with "If you were going to a job interview and you had a beard, would it make a difference?" (I didn't want to mention that it was because of religion - I mean, I didn't want them to think that JWs were some kind of control freaks). One of the big arguments against beards is because of how it's viewed in the community. So I thought I'd actually find out how it was viewed. No one in the outside world gives a hoot about beards.

  When I came home to our cong. sporting a beard it created a bit of a stir. A couple of the elders stated that they had no problem with beards but think about how it's viewed in the community, not stumbling others etc. Anyway. All this led me to thinking (yes I did still use part of my brain even then) that maybe everyone was going around not wearing beards because they didn't want to stumble someone else - when in reality, no one cared and maybe some even wanted to wear beards themselves!

  What a bunch of wazzocks!
• 

  undercover

  It always amazed me when they would make comparisons to the business world when trying to impose their rules on dress and grooming. They did the same thing with beards and sideburns...

  I've told this story before, but back when I was first starting to question things, I had a conversation with a couple of elders about the beard prohibition and why was it such a big deal. I handed my Bible to one of the elders and asked him to show me where Christians were forbidden from wearing a beard.

  Of course, he didn't even bother to take the Bible but explained that a lot of big corporations have strict grooming/dress codes for their employees because those employees represented the company to the public's eyes. Similarly, he pointed out, we (as JWs) represent the organization in presenting the "good news" and would not want to bring reproach on the organization or try to bring too much attention to ourselves.

  It was at that moment that I realized that we were not Christian ministers...we were employees (unpaid though we were) of a large publishing corporation. Fuck Christian freedom...we were given rules to follow as marketing reps for the company.

  It was another "ding ding ding" moment when I realized something was majorly wrong with this religion.
• 

  undercover

  A few years ago, not long before I became an MS we were away for a few months. During the time I decided to experiment with a beard.
  
  ...
  
  When I came home to our cong. sporting a beard it created a bit of a stir. A couple of the elders stated that they had no problem with beards but think about how it's viewed in the community, not stumbling others etc.

  I did the same thing back when I was active. One vacation, I grew a beard. It wasn't much of one but was just starting to take shape and I hated to shave it so soon. My wife encouraged me to not shave it...go ahead and see how long I could get away with it.

  We went to our first meeting back, which was the book study. It was a study at the hall, so it was a fairly large gathering. I wasn't scheduled to read or anything so I figured I could slide in and not worry about it.

  We showed up about 5 minutes before the start of the meeting and the brother scheduled to conduct(the regular conductor wasn't there) was freaking out because no one had shown up that he could assign to read. When he first saw that I was there, he immediately came up to me to ask me to read. When he got closer and saw that I was sporting a scruffy beard, he did an about face and went to an unbaptized brother and asked him to read.

  I didn't know the deal until after when he came up and explained that because I had the beard he couldn't ask me to read. The cult indoctrinated part of me felt bad. I had let my brothers down by not following the grooming counsel. But a small part of me, deep inside, realized that the whole thing was just silly.
• 

  eyeslice

  undercover - I did exactly the same once, I went on holiday and came back with a beard. The difference was I was school overseer at the time and also had a part the same night on the service meeting. I shaved it off for the following Sunday meeting but that didn't stop one elder sounding off at me. I simply told him that not having a beard had more to do with right wing American sterotypes than any Biblical command, so we agreed to leave it at that.

  In the early 70's I was counseled for wearing my hair 1 inch over my ears - hardly long haired hippy style. I just wish I had that amount of hair now a days!

  I think that was those were the only times in 50 years growing up in and in the truth I ever received any real 'counsel'. No wonder it was a shock to many when I suddenly just quit going.
• 

  blondie

  These are just gnat things the WTS strains out and the WTS gulps down the camel issues of pedophilia and UN association for 10 years.

  Matthew 23:23-25 (New International Version)

  23 "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. 24 You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.

  25 "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.
• 

  flipper

  Wow ! Thanks for all the replies. Did this thread take off or what ? I guess we all have gone through similar things.

  ZAGOR- So you are still counseled about grooming ? Just do whatever style you feel comfortable with. Hell, shock them all - walk naked into the Kingdom Hall ! I fantasized about doing that once ! LOL!

  SASS MY FRASS- What a nice thing to find an elder with a sense of humor who liked your chicken slippers ! I wonder if he would have let you wear a " chicken suit " ? LOL!

  VERY STUPID 77- Incredible experiences you shared ! Absolutely a horrific district overseer guilting your husband into driving 45 minutes out of the way for what ? To change into a white shirt ? Ridiculous. Absolute control - unacceptable behavior on the D.O.'s part. And how embarrassing for you to be counseled by a goody two shoes elder's wife about your nipples showing ! Good God ! In front of other elders ? Incredible. She was probably jealous that you were more well endowed than her ! A lot of times jealousy motivates those types of remarks by people , interestingly enough. Nevertheless , it was totally inappropriate for the elders wife to do that to you. Sick twisted bit$h !

  TUESDAY- Interesting that the elders made a big deal out of you wearing your hair a little longer - but let you wear a shorter " punk " hair style ! Shows how inconsistent they are.

  KEYSER SOZE- You got counseled because you weren't wearing a belt ? Jesus. Did they think your pants would fall off or something ? Pervie picky a$$ elders !

  SNOWBIRD- Brothers were counseled for wearing Afro's ? Weird. And the elder counseled you and others for not wearing hose and dress shoes to the meeting ? How ridiculous. I can think of a lot larger problems they probably had to give local needs talks about ! Freaks.

  COFFEE BLACK- I'm glad your dad stood up for you and told that elder's wife to mind her own business ! It never ceases to amaze me at the self righteous and nosy attitudes witnesses had !

  GLADRING- Man, I'm sorry the clothing thing really messed with your self esteem. I can understand your confusion when your dad would tell you one way to dress - then the elders at the Kingdom Hall would shoot that down as well ! How ridiculous ! I'm so sorry they controlled you so much you could never have the freedom to wear your OWN style . I'm glad in time you had the balls to stand up to them and wear a beard ! Damned mind control cult - sickening.

  UNDERCOVER- I was like you as a teenager. Pretty conservative in my styles. I'd try to wear my hair a little longer - but I'd catch hell from my elder dad. So I'd get it cut - then get teased by high school kids for looking like a science geek or something. I'm sorry you went through this stress too. I always had pressure being an elders son. I'm glad you went and wore a beard for awhile - I mean, didn't Jesus wear a beard ?? I remember right before I stopped going over 5 years ago - I would wear jeans and tennis shoes to the afternoon book study as I was coming in from doing cleaning jobs . I didn't care at that point what anybody thought. The old people in the book study just kind of stared at me funny.

  QUIRKY- Interesting experiences. I mean I agree- don't the elders have anything better to do than counsel some sister about wearing her " spider web " pantyhose ? I mean come on. Very true what you say - elders wives could adorn themselves with jewelry and dress how they wanted more so - especially if their husbands were one of the " elite " elders.

  CALIBER- It's amazing how the elders and C.O.'s & D.O. ' s tried to dictate facial hair among the brothers ! Some wigged out over moustaches and beards - I knew some who would have an absolute COW if your sideburns went to the bottom of your ear instead of the middle of the ear ! The control was totally freakish and totally uncalled for !

  EYESLICE- That is something that your fellow elder reemed you good for wearing a beard ! I'm glad you stood up to him . I too was counseled for wearing my hair 1 inch over my ears ! Incredible ! It's like the elders came to meetings with their tape measures inside their pockets or something !

  BLONDIE- Yep, exactly. The WT society makes big, huge issues out of small things; and they totally let unjust major things go on unchecked as you say like the U.N. thing and child abuse. It's crazy
• 

  four candles

  I was always being told about my hair. I like it long,ok? They should see it now!!!!

  I have finally found I can get back into here after all the kerfuffle changing from JWD,lets see if my avatar is still there!!!
• 

  flipper

  FOUR CANDLES- I'm glad for you that you have the freedom to wear your hair long now. Bet they'd have a cow if they saw your hair now. But you know, who cares ? LOL! Cheers to freedom ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
• 

  Country Girl

  When I was a JW, I remember hearing that one congregation had to put a "screen" up, so that the brothers in the front row wouldn't get "distracted" by the sister's knees being exposed during their talks. How outrageous can you get?

  I was raised in this, and I had no choice.

  CG
• 

  flipper

  COUNTRY GIRL- That is crazy that a congregation put a " screen " up so the brothers wouldn't get distracted by the sister's knees ? Incredible. I was raised in this too - but as a former brother I can tell you I'd be watching the sisters legs , not their knees ! LOL! Peace out, Mr. Flipper