How Long Have you Been Out of the Witnesses ? Have you Moved On ?

by flipper 79 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  donny

  I left in 1992 and it took me a good 5 to 7 years to get over the frustration and anger that I felt for believing such a story! Besides the doctrines, I had to deal with my ex-wife telling my then 5, 8 and 12 year old kids that "daddy would be destroyed" when Armageddon arrives. While my 12 year old son did not seem to be affected by it much, my 5 and 8 year old daughters were truamatized for a spell. The only thing that really helped me was the support from my non-JW parents and time.

  Don (soon to be destroyed)
• 

  trebor

  Don,

  Sorry to read of the truamatizing expereince. It is one of the things I worry about my family members that are trapped in the organization. The belief that my wife and me will be destroyed ("soon").

  I feel bad especially for my mother with respects to that. For a mother to believe such a horrid fate awaits their child must be gut wrentching. Ditto for my siblings who think their eldest brother is going to be zapped/crushed/drowned or whatever for not being a part of the Jehovah's Witnesses organization.
• 

  blondie

  What does it mean "moved on"?
• 

  happpyexjw

  I left in 1991 by means of a pretty fast fade. I had been very troubled by the fact my father-in-law had molested two of my kids and when the JC "handled" it nothing happened. No reporting to authorities, no reproof, nothing. To make matters worse, my spouse stayed friends with him. I couldn't understand this. Why was the wts reputation more important than my two little girls? There were other problems, too numerous to go into here and I decided to leave my marriage. I was informed by my spouse that I was not allowed to date or marry until or unless he "released" me or married again himself. This made me fell like a piece of property.

  I had a brief affair and was counseled by the elders and "forgiven," but I just dropped out and quit meetings etc. I got married again to someone I had known for a while and had never considered before as anyone but a friend. He helped me to sort out much of my confusion and made me feel good about myself, something I had never gotten in 24 years with my husband. It was rough to leave. I had gotten into a sick, codependent relationship with my ex's family, especially his mother and lost all of my (his) family when I left. It was my choice to cut them off completely. It was the only way I could leave without being torn apart by drama and grief. It was very difficult because I was estranged from my own family, had cut myself off from his, and due to wts teaching about worldy friends I had no one. I didn't even have a car to get to work and I still had two kids to support and a low paying job. It was pretty scary.

  After 30 years in the wts, it has been an ongoing process to heal. Some relationships are permanently damaged, especially with many of my own relatives who left long before me and who I shunned, because I believed it to be the right thing to do. My three kids are all out now and doing well. I have a great relationship with all of them and their spouses.

  The longer I am out the more I realize just how manipulative and destructive this group is. I feel very sorry for those still trapped inside. Over the years I have known many who were good people who were doing their best to adhere to wts teachings. I know there is no malice in their hearts and it bothers me when I see name-calling and attacks on here and elsewhere. Most of us were just like them at some point and we had to find our own way to leave. They are misled, just as we were.
• 

  Nowman

  I have been out since Oct 1992, just left on a Monday early evening after I went out in service all day with my mom...no one knew except those that were halping me escape. It was a 3 month plan...I ve told the story.

  I feel I have moved from the JW faith, its my parents that bother me...but its bearable.

  Nikki
• 

  Quirky1

  13 months for me Flip. Moving slowly but it is getting better and easier. I've lost most of the knowledge of their teachings and their bible. Some thoughts still linger tho. The superficial freindships, the stale music, cultish language are just a few that still linger.

  Thanks for asking!

  Quirky
• 

  flipper

  Wow ! So many responses. I'll reply to page 1 first . Then come back for pg. 2 .

  BLITHE FRESHMAN- I'm glad you exited the cult and educated yourself by reading books which help you think critically ! Great ! Sorry you have a child in the witnesses still - I do as well , 2 daughters 22 and 20 yrs.old. But my 24 year old son is out- we are close. Glad you've moved on.

  VILLABOLO- Very true. I agree with you. By us talking about our past here - it helps us to verbally deal with it and see we are not alone in moving on.

  PRIEST 73- 11 years ! Good for you ! Woo-hoo is right !

  FREE 2 THINK- 2 years ! Good for you. I'm glad you are not in fear of them anymore. There is nothing to BE afraid of. I feel the same way.

  IP_SEC- So you've been out almost as long as me . Cool. I don't think you have to worry about Mrs. Flipper getting near you though. You're not her type ! LOL! I keep her pretty satisfied .

  MEGAFLOWER- I'm glad you read Hassan's books and you have connected with non-witness family ! Good for you. I'm glad you are doing well.

  DINAH- I'm glad you got over the fear and guilt they put in us. I'm glad you had a non-witness dad. Good for you. So seeing your friends abusive elder dad really turned the lights on for you ! I'm glad you are out sis.

  BIG TEX- I hear ya bro. It does take many people years to get over it. Some stop going to meetings but don't get the witness crap out of their minds for years. I'm glad you were able to see others were going through what you had been through. It helped you I'm sure.

  OTWO- Jerry- I guess by " moving on " I mean that the witness cult and beliefs doesn't affect you anymore. It doesn't determine how you act or think - or dominate your way of living. In other words- you aren't intimidated by it through fear or guilt anymore. That's what I mean by " moving on. " I'm glad you are doing well in your exiting . Like you I have relatives still in the witnesses - but they don't control how I live.

  MADDIE- Hello my friend. I'm glad you have moved on and still feel fulfilled spiritually. I'm glad those books helped you as well . Sorry about the loss of your family - I have suffered that as well, I know how you feel. Keep thinking positive- you never know what might happen.

  LONESTAR 63- I'm glad you moved on finally after 20 years. Good for you.

  PISTOFF- Excellent reasons you give. Well put by you that the WT society does not have " moral sense " to recognize sexual predators. Well stated. I'm glad you got out.

  JAMIEBOWERS- I'm so glad you moved on to a better life. I know your story- and you had it REALLY hard- you paid your dues , and desrve happiness so much ! Glad you got it !

  SNOOZY- I'm so glad you left the witnesses, sorry about the loss of your husband. But I know what you mean- I don't have hardly any contact with witnesses and it is very peaceful ! I agree

  I'll respond to pg. 2 in a little bit ! Thanks for responding !
• 

  flipper

  PASSWORD PROTECTED- So you've left fairly recently ! You have been through a lot of changes - very fast within the last year. One suggestion- allow yourself time to heal while moving on. Emotionally also it has to be hell for you to not have your new baby acknowledged. I do hope you are getting new friends and support in your church you attend now. It will definitely help you to move on. Hang in there friend- it gets better in time.

  AGENT SMITH- I'm glad you are over feeling guilty about service and meetings . I understand the anger over the shunning - I get sad and mad both about my 2 witness daughters shunning me as well. Especially when some of my witness family still talks with me. Glad you moved on.

  LOUBELLE- I'm glad you have moved on ! Sorry your family shuns you like that - but you sound like a very level headed person who takes life in stride. I do hope you have good friends in your support group who are close to you. That helps a lot.

  JOOKBEARD- Glad you got out . Since 1993- so that's been awhile. Good for you.

  NO MORE KOOL AID- I'm glad you got out and have enjoyed relative peace still with your witness family. If you want to KEEP that peace just afford them their doctrinal beliefs and don't get into catfights with them as they may change their peaceful liason with you then at that time. Just keep pursuing a non-witness life for you and your children and keep it on the down low for sake of family relations. That's great your minds are free and hang in there - it takes time to heal and move on emotionally. It took me a good 2 years or so , then another year to lose JW sayings and expressions .

  ISAAC AUSTIN- Hey my friend, good to hear from you. Yes- it does affect our relationships with witness relatives. I have 2 daughters who won't talk to me , yet my mom respects my fading status. It may turn out that way with you too. Some witness relatives accept you, some don't. It does play with our heads somewhat- but the sweet freedom of mind we feel can compensate somewhat for those losses. The witnesses can control us only so far as we let them control us. Keep working on your JW wife. I have a good feeling about her that it's a question of " when " she will exit the witnesses, not " if " she exits. Give it time. Look forward to talking on the phone again with you. Take care.

  TREBOR- You are newly exited from the witnesses. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. It takes time to move on. You've been through a lot and need to educate yourself by reading non-witness books about cult mind control. Then you will get an understanding more fully what has happened to you. Hang in there, keep your chin up it does take time.

  REBEL 8 - After being out 20 years - I think you not only deserve China - but a new Mercedes and jewelry from your guy for successfully being out of the cult ! Good for you !

  KEYSER SOZE- Great that you got out a few years ago ! It's good you don't get much pressure from family a just your inactive brother you deal with. And if he's inactive- I assume he doesn't pressure you to go to meetings. So kudos to you for leaving !

  DONNY- I totally sympathize with you dude- my ex-wife a fanatic witness has turned my 2 witness daughters against me as well. Like your older son, my older son , now 24, doesn't buy into it and is not a witness thankfully. I'm glad your non-witness parents helped you to cope with your situation. And I hope your relationship with your son is good still. Keep up hope - perhaps your daughters will see the light some day- I hope that for my daughters.

  BLONDIE - Basically " moving on " in the way I'm meaning is like I told OTWO - It doesn't affect your way of living in the here and now. It doesn't affect how you think or act. In other words you aren't intimidated by it through feeling " guilt " or " fear " anymore. The WT society has no control or power over you and your destiny. And you are actively integrating living once again in normal society. I believe THAT"S what I mean by moving on.

  HAPPYEXJW- Very good post by you. Well put out thoughts. I'm so sorry the child abuse happened to your children. It's sick. You really went through some troubles ! I'm glad you survived it all and your 3 children got out of the witness cult as well ! Healing does come slowly , especially to those who suffered as much as you did - but in time healing comes completely. Hang in there friend , take care of yourself.

  NOWMAN- I'm glad you got out when young ! It is a challenge dealing with JW relatives like you say though. Keep hanging in there.

  QUIRKY- I'm glad you are moving on slowly. It does take time. You will find that the further you get away from the witnesses- the picture becomes perfectly clear. Hang in there dude
• 

  Scarred for life

  I haven't been to a meeting since 1973. It took me until that September date in 1975 to totally purge myself of all their teachings. When the world didn't end on that date I KNEW FOR SURE that it was all a bunch of lies and I had been fooled and victimised since birth.

  I got out when I was young. I had no friends at the Kingdom Hall when I left so I didn't miss anyone. I went to college. I moved out of state. I built my life from scratch. My parents and sister were out by 1978. But our family never recovered from the damage that was done to us.

  My mother's family were all JWs. My relationship with them is mixed. Like someone above said it's like the big elephant in the room. There are so many topics that can't be discussed when I am with them. It's exhausting and stressful and never fully relaxing to be around them because of the elephant. I have pretty much come to the conclusion that I am going to just cut them out of my life from now on. I live in a different state from all my blood relatives so I am just going to concentrate on my husband and in-laws and my 3 children and my friends here in Georgia. My extended family will just be a part of my past. I blame all this on the JW cult. They destroyed my family. But I do have the family that I have created by marriage and reproduction. And I am happy and content with that.

  Being raised a JW does not affect my way of living and hasn't since probably 1975. But privately I am haunted by the cultish teachings of my childhood and the trauma of being raised as such a weirdo. A series of things has happened in the past year that brought me to the computer looking for some sort of ex-Jehovah's Witnesses discussion. I didn't even know such a thing really existed and I found this board. All of you are the only people that I know to talk about this stuff with. I do have a need to talk about all those things that traumatized me and destroyed my family. There is no one that can understand except those of you that have "been there".

  I just heard someone say this past week that "you can't amputate your past from your destiny". I think for many, many years I have lived without thinking about how my JW upbringing has affected and molded me into the person that I am today. But I can't do that anymore. I have to face the facts that it has affected me and mostly in a negative way. But I think facing it and talking about it will help me to heal and get past my anger.

  Thank you for listening. This is a great thread.
• 

  Quentin

  I wa raised a jw...baptized at 14...wasen't one of the best jw's, but regular in everything. In 1972 I met Kathy. She was an interesedt person and a study. We married. My whole jw life flipped upside down because she was not baptized. Lost all privlages, what little I had. We lived through 2 years of jw hell. In 1975 made a complete break with the wt. Dropped out, never returned. No one came looking. No one tried to get me back.

  Best thing that ever happened was marrying Kathy. We have been togather everince. Living like many with our up's and downs, in and outs. It did take till 1980 when we begaing attending church to make the break complete.

  came here several years ago hooked up with my old friend Terry. We seee each other several times a month. Life has ben good and bad, but it's life and without the wt it has been great. Thanks to Kathy it was easy for me to get out and get on with living.