How Long Have you Been Out of the Witnesses ? Have you Moved On ?

by flipper 79 Replies latest jw friends

  • Quandry
    Quandry

    Been about four years now.

    Moved on? Interesting question. By the comments I see, and my own circumstances, it is evident that we all have some degree of traumatization because of our time in the organization, or our family's involvement.

    I am reminded everyday I work at my low paying job that I did not get a college degree. At fifty-seven I take one course a semester. At this rate, I will probably die before I finish my degree. Not to mention that if the class is not online and I go to the campus, I feel like some kind of wierdo sitting with a bunch of young people. Very uncomfortable. I feel like screaming out-"You don't understand-I couldn't do this sooner-I was in a mind-control cult, and....." while they stare at me or move quickly away.

    I am reminded when my husband and I talk about money that we didn't save for retirement and so now won't be able to in any forseeable future...why, that would show a "lack of faith that the new system is close, soooooo close."

    I am reminded when I try to sleep at night and think of the horrible treatment meted out to my daughter when she was sixteen and did a couple of normal teen things. How the elders humiliated and berated her, accused her for hours of committing fornication, something she did not do, and called her a liar, then disfellowshipped her, telling her that God viewed her as filth.

    I am happy to report that my daughter, now twenty-one, is an honor student in college. I know that the trauma kicks in for her sometimes, and as a parent, it is hard to live with the thought that my involvement in this group messed up so much of her life.

    Even after three years, I do not have friends. I find it hard to make any.When my family was "in" we were always having gatherings at our house, and doing things with the other dubs. Now? I don't want to come off as strange-"Will you be my friend? I don't have any. I will be nice to you, I promise. Can I come to your house and will you come to mine?"

    The only thing I can say, is, I do so enjoy not feeling the constant pressure of going to meetings, out in service, and cleaning the hall, having book study at our house, etc. Oh the joys of just sitting in the back yard on a lounge chair, sipping a glass of tea, watching my two cats play, and seeing the spring flowers grow.

    I do so hope that all of us who have typed in something on your thread can come to peace. I hope all realize that we must be a help to one another, because, surely, as one poster said, no one else could possibly understand how we feel.

    Thanks for asking.

  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    Quandry I really like your answer . How do we really move on when everyday we are reminded of the life we lived ,for so long ?

    It still affects my family life because of relatives that are still active .I live in a small town where I run into the witnesses everyday .

    I live with the results of choices I made because of the JW upbringing .

    My husband ,youngest son and I all quit going to meetings in 2006 . We had been slowing down about half way through 2005 .

    Slowly I think we are moving on . For me I became free mentally after reading "Crisis of Conscience " .Letting go of the fear and guilt was a major step in going forward with life .

    The day I can go without thinking about something related to Jehovah's Witnesses will be the day I have truly moved on .

  • Magwitch
    Magwitch

    Three years for me and wow a much, much easier life! My ex-husband elder of 20 years would not let me associate with my four apostate siblings and he would not let me see my zealous 3rd generation parents (total control freak). When I left I finally got to be with my siblings again and my parents. I have new friends that I love. I do not miss the old witness friends at all. They were all a bunch of hypochondriacs with no personality and they all definitely suffered from the victim syndrome. When I walked out of the KH for the last time I also miraculously gave up my addiction to perscription pain killers and alcohol immediately. Wow - talk about the truth setting one free!!!!!

  • Scarred for life
    Scarred for life

    They were all a bunch of hypochondriacs with no personality and they all definitely suffered from the victim syndrome. When I walked out of the KH for the last time I also miraculously gave up my addiction to perscription pain killers and alcohol immediately.

    This is so true. And the sad thing is that this describes my mother. She fit into the JWs perfectly. She left for reasons that I won't go into at this time. Too complicated. And she was sort of forced to leave. But she had the perfect personality for the JWs. Including the addiction to prescription drugs.

  • flipper
    flipper

    SCARRED for LIFE- I see you were raised in the witnesses like I was . It is like an " elephant in the living room " when we are around practicing witness family members because all they want to talk about is their cult and it's teachings. I'm glad you have your husband and his family and your 3 children which has brought you happiness . You are right - we all deal with negative things from having been raised a witness - but in order to FULLY move on and heal we have to educate ourselves on WHY we felt the way we did. And HOW we were controlled by the cult. That's why I highly recommend Steve Hassan's books on Cult mind control . It helps you understand yourself and how the witnesses affected you and me. If you ever want to talk - I PMed you my wife and my phone number. Take care.

    QUENTIN- I'm happy for you that you met your wife Kathy in the nick of time ! And that you've been really happy with that onetime " unbaptized " person. Isn't it amazing how loving " worldly " women are ? LOL! I'm glad you guys moved on.

    QUANDRY- I know how you feel. We all have bad memories of how this awful cult has ripped our lives apart . I didn't go to college either and it's why I've been self employed for 26 years. No retirement as well. I'm so sorry your daughter was treated horribly by the elders - but glad she is an honor student in college ! I'm sure you are very proud of her ! And rightly so ! I hope she has a happy life as time goes on. My wife and I would be glad to be your friend Quandry. Let's keep in touch. I went through the same things in losing friends exiting the cult 5 years ago. And some family- my 2 witness daughters 22 and 20 won' t talk to me. I PMed you my wife and my phone number. Feel free to call anytime ! I mean it. Peace.

    TROUBLED MIND- I agree with you that letting go of the fear and guilt the witnesses put in us is a MAJOR step in moving on in life. Sorry you have to see witnesses all the time. But it sounds like you are moving on well. Keep it up.

    MAGWITCH- I'm glad that after 3 years you are doing great ! It sounds like you are moving on at a good clip. I don't miss the old witness friends either because their friendship was only conditional on how often I went out in service or how many comments I made at meetings. Very shallow and fickle. It sounds like leaving the witnesses has helped you physically as well ! Good for you ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • Scarred for life
    Scarred for life

    Thanks, Flipper. I have just ordered Steve Hassan's book on Amazon. I look forward to reading it. I have seen you and others mention how helpful it has been to you. Thanks for the phone number, too. I'm really OK. It's just when I get on here my anger seems to well up. Someitimes I think that I shouldnt get on here and read the posts because it reminds me of so many things.

    Quandry, I am your friend. I do understand what you mean. We are taught and programmed throughout our JW lives to NOT make friends with people. So we either never learn or we get out of the habit and forget how to make friends. I also think it is harder to make new friends as we get older. I'm sorry that your classes are all young people. I went back to school for a 2nd degree at age 38 and there were always people of all ages in my classes. Lots of people older than me! I always enjoy reading your posts.

  • done4good
    done4good

    Mentally out by summer of '05, although serious doubts and emotional disintrest in the religion began in earnist in 2001. Walked away in Dec 2005, and never looked back.

    Life is good. Good career, new wonderful wife, and family, and good true friends.

    I don't miss the relationships at the hall in the least, anymore.

    Jason V.

  • flipper
    flipper

    SCARRED for LIFE- It's O.K. to vent Scarred. It's part of the healing process. It's normal and to be expected. I'm glad you ordered the books. I feel it will really help you understand some things about what we all went through . Good luck in reading them and healing. Feel free to call anytime friend.

    DONE 4 GOOD- I'm glad you have moved on and have a great career, wonderful wife, family, and good friends. Good for you ! Keep up the good work on healing ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • Farkel
    Farkel

    35 years out. I still speak out about it.

    Figure THAT out.

    Farkel

  • diamondiiz
    diamondiiz

    Inactive for almost 12 years. I've stopped attending any meetings last January with the exception of the memorial which I'm still debading about this year. For the last year I've done tons of research and still trying to get the crap programming out of me. I'm in the process of writing a DA letter which I'm guessing will be complete in couple months as I want to include as much info as I can that's from court records so when they get it they will see where I'm coming from. Most likely their brain will freeze up and won't see anything what's written which is typical mind control nonsense.

    I'm still p!ss3d at WT lying and haveing been decieved all these years. I have not much good to say about the WT leaders but I do feel sorry for many people who are decieved into thinking that they've got the whole truth but are being controlled by the scum claiming to be holy. It's amazing how much damage this religion has done to so many people!!!

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