Clarify- I'm going back to Meetings to save my wifes sanity! What would you do?

by Witness 007 41 Replies latest jw experiences

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  OnTheWayOut

  You asked, "What would you do?" I would stop carrying the guilt that I unplugged her from the Matrix. I would not take "blame" for her losing her faith. Anything I do to help my wife to think for herself is a positive thing. I won't deny that people go through depression, but it is not from discovering the truth about the truth- it's from being deceived about the truth.

  I would tell my wife that depression requires counseling. If she wanted to start at the medical doctor, fine and dandy. But I would ask that I could go along and explain what I know to the doctor. I would tell the doc that wifey is depressed, in my opinion, because she was duped by the Jehovah's Witnesses and doesn't know what to believe anymore. All I could promise if she disagreed about the JW's duping her, is that I would refrain from directly criticizing the JW's.
  
  Further, if she didn't want to go to a counselor, I would consider going without her, depending on how depressed or screwed up I was. I would at least consider going to a marriage counselor without her (if she won't go) before I consider giving in to her unreasonable request to return to the dangerous mind-control cult.

  If she had to go, I would tell her that I won't go in. If she says she wants friends back, I would tell her they must not be real friends if they need both of us to go to the hall for them to socialize with us. I would offer to start friendships with ex-JW couples or other tennis players or other museum goers or other people that have something in common with us. I would offer to join book-of-the-month club or take up ballroom dance or do something she is interested in. If necessary, we could volunteer somewhere to do something good and to meet people.

  That's what I would do.

  The first rule of mental health medicine is NEVER buy into a patients problems, from delusion to grandiose thinking to hallucination whatever.

  I like that. It sounds like what I said in the last thread. As for you and what you are going to do, I recommend that you don't go to the hall. If you do go against advice, I recommend that you do admit you are only going to keep her company and you know it's all crap.
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  BluesBrother

  I have said before that I too go along to support my wife, no other reason..but her health is poor , she needs some practical help that, sure as hell does not come from the Dubs. If she could not go, it would give me some free time on a Sunday, but make her life very unhappy , and that is no fun for either of us..

  The Dubs ignore me, even though some of them knew me as an elder. We do have friendly smalltalk but that is all.

  Single people or those not in the situation find it easy to criticize...but after many years of marriage , life is not so simple as it may seem
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  keyser soze

  Till now she has refused therapy...she has a psychiatrist but does not attend.....today she spoke of going to speak with her Doctor regarding her depressed feelings which is a HUGE step for her!

  No judgment here. But I would at least make her going to therapy a condition in your returning to meetings. Seems like a fair compromise, given the fact that she actually needs it.
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  FireNBandits

  In my inner world, people matter more than abstract ideas, ideals, ideologies, etc. Give your wife a break. Stop hammering at her faith. It was obviously the only thing holding her together. I destroyed my own wifes faith just like you. I destroyed her. I was devastated at what I had done. So, I searched and found another Christain sect (Actually, the second largest Christian church in the world, with 500,000,000 adherents) that I knew would appeal to her. It worked. She is now much happier, her inner world makes sense and has purpose. She feels connected. If you love your wife above impersonal ideas, you'll get your fanny in gear and help her find a new faith.
  
  Saint Martin the "been there done that"
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  undercover

  So, I searched and found another Christain sect (Actually, the second largest Christian church in the world, with 500,000,000 adherents) that I knew would appeal to her. It worked.

  Okay, so that's like saving a meth addict but steering him toward ecstacy, not as dangerous but still a drug...
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  reniaa

  If she had her faith back in witnesses again do you think that would help with her depression?

  People need faith to give them hope sometimes its what makes us get out of bed every day and face the world.

  If you do what say you will then you are a good man for loving your wife and giving her the support she needs it's a true love that will take the marriage vows seriously and really mean 'in sickness and in health' you have my rerspect witness 007
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  garybuss

  If my wife was sick, I'd take her to a doctor, not to a pyramid corporation's multi-level-marketing sales meeting. Just my .02
  
  
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  rebel8

  It is possible that 007's wife is doing this as an elaborate manipulation, a characteristic of several very common mental illnesses. Read, "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me"--I linked to it earlier.
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  blondie

  Of course, depression is a physical illness and even the WTS says that its members would have to go to a qualified physician. It takes more than faith in the WTS to cure cancer or diabetes, and the same is true of depression this severe. The WTS has never presented itself as a proponent of faith healing.

  Blondie

  *** w90 3/15 pp. 29-30 How to Help Depressed Ones Regain Joy ***Of course, elders in general are not doctors and may therefore find their efforts limited in some cases. They, along with members of the depressed person’s family, may need to encourage that one to seek professional help.

  *** w06 7/15 pp. 28-29 par. 18 Jehovah Delivers the Afflicted One ***Some experience despair because of clinical depression. If this is true of you, try to focus some of your attention on God’s new world and the time when "no resident will say: ‘I am sick.’" (Isaiah 33:24) If your negative feelings seem to be much more than an occasional case of the blues, it might be wise to seek professional help. (Matthew 9:12) It is also important to take care of yourself physically

  *** w90 3/1 p. 5 Winning the Battle Against Depression ***As mentioned in the previous article, the cause of depression may be physiological. In 1915, long before the recent research linking many physical ills with depression, TheWatchTower stated: "This heaviness of spirit, or feeling of loneliness and depression, is natural at times to all mankind . . . [It is] accentuated to some extent by the condition of physical health." Thus, if a depressed mood lingers, a checkup by a doctor may be helpful. If the situation is extreme, one may want to have the disorder treated by a professional who specializes in depression.

  *** w83 8/1 p. 10 They Want to Help ***But what if someone in the congregation suffers major depression? Suppose he suffers feelings of deep worthlessness, guilt, hopelessness or despair and nothing that anyone says seems to help? First, he should be advised to get medical advice, since major depression often has a physical cause.

  *** w82 6/1 p. 13 An Educated Tongue—"To Encourage the Weary" ***If an elder can be alert to negative attitudes in weary ones, when the depression is at its earlier stages, then oftentimes a person can be readjusted and be saved from plunging into major depression—a disorder that may require medical help. Here, too, the elder may aid the depressed person or his family to realize when the disorder has reached that point where medical attention is needed. This does not mean that elders would ‘play doctor,’ nor dictate what form of treatment to follow. They may wish to refer those involved to the article "Attacking Major Depression—Professional Treatments" in the October 22, 1981, Awake!, which outlines several therapies and yet does not promote any.
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  undercover

  My take is that she is so controlled by the WT cult that she feels enormous guilt and fear by contemplating leaving the group. She has not responded well to being removed from her comfort zone and in return 007 feels the need to return her to that comfort zone. In the short run, this benefits everyone. She's happy, he doesn't have the stress of dealing with the confrontation. But in the long run, what happens?

  I'm afraid that in time, she gets what she wants (and feels she needs) while 007 has to give in without getting what he wants or needs.

  Even if she decides to stay in the bOrg, which is her decision and right, that doesn't mean 007 has to be dragged there against his will.

  In the real world this is wherer the word "compromise" pops up. But when dealing with a group like JWs, it doesn't work. It's either their way or the highway. You have to play by their rules if you want to have anything to do with them.

  Even those of us who have faded and are not active/attending are still trapped to a degree. We can't come out completely amongst all the JWs we know. We have to be coy and sneaky to a degree.

  This is where I see the advantages of DAing. But having so much family in, I'm willing to be subjected to some ridicule for my backsliding ways to keep my family contact. Witness 007 is willing to go further than that.

  This is where I try to understand what he's doing and wish him the best no matter what, though I will throw something out there to think about, that might not fit his way of thinking at the moment.