by rebel8 84 Replies latest jw friends
once when i was a kid i almost dropped the bread.
after that, the memorial was a terrifying experience for me and I always tried to
stand in the back where they just kind of whisked the emblems by you.
i did fake sickness one year and i didn't go the year that i eventually got
DF'ed cause i had been invited to spend the weekend at a beach house of
i guy i was going to college with.
so i guess i went to 28 memorials in all.
Tourette Syndrome!!!
How about "I'm not going." It's worked for me many times over the years.
It was not the memorial, but I had a friend use a great one. Quote, "My window in my truck was broken, I could not roll it up, it was raining and water got in my ear on my ride home. Now I have an ear ache! there is no way that I can go to the meeting!"
one of those four hour errections might do it.......i kinda wanna try one.........oompa
Spontaneous dental hydroplosion
Was going to say that I am alergic to sulfites, but then I remembered I'm not supposed to drink the wine.
Period cramps. (especially ineffective for men)
Not for those men of us who are married!
Sorry but that's Holy Thursday. I have to go to Mass, where I'll take communion. Wanna come with me? I'll pick you up and give you a ride!
StAnn
Oh CRap! I nearly split a rib laughing!! How about:
1. Had to return book to UN library or it would be overdue.
2. Was busy at hospital trying to figure out differences between fractions of blood and fractions of fractions of blood.
3. Was in Egypt trying to FINally get an accurate measurement of Great Pyramid.
4. While in Egypt tripped over funny trunk with two golden angel statues on top... Isn't that a form of idolatry??
5. In attempt to imitate faithful men of old had grown out beard to waist length. Took too long to get beard cut off, and in process needed blood transfusion (Blast! Those straight razors are SharP!)
6. Was checking Bible - oops! I mean was checking Watchtower literature to see if Armageddon was scheduled for that night???
7. Had to walk five miles out of my way to avoid that disfellowshipped sister with the five kids who was getting beaten up by a mugger because she had a flat tire and needed help changing it. Whew! I almost had to TALK to her!!
8. Part of my schizophrenic personality wanted to attend, and another part wanted to conquer Rome, and another part wanted to converse with AukNuk (Native American Goddess otherwise known as the "Disemboweler") and the rest of my personalities were depressed and just wanted to stay at home and play poker...
9. Was filling out application for Bethel service and became confused when I reached question about sexual orientation - uh, gender??
10. Head was buzzing with cognitive dissonance about facts that Earth is approximately 4 billion years old, Homo Sapiens is at least 100,000 to 200,000 years old, shamanism/animism/Australian Aboriginal religions are at least 40,000 to 80,000 years old, Goddess worship is at least 20,000 years old, but the bible is only about 3,300 to maybe 4,000 years old, and Goddess worship is at least ten times older than Christianity.
