AAoough! JoelinGeorgia, that's hilarious!! I was always afraid of the wine! I was positive I was going to drop it and end up with a lap full of red wine!! Thanks to Rebel8 for starting this thread!
Top 10 Memorial Excuses
by rebel8 84 Replies latest jw friends
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SnakesInTheTower
troubled mind:
Ummm you said Thursday night ........sorry new episode of Bones is on , and I can't miss it don't have DVR you see .
Ummm you said Thursday night ........sorry new episode of Bones Survivor is on ..and it is so much like congregation politics it is all I can take.
Snakes ()
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Mysterious
Practicing witchcraft. ;p
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SnakesInTheTower
ummmmm... I don't have time for repeats...and I gave the talk a couple of years ago....I still remember it....can't get it out of my head. (true)
I tasted the crackers one year (afterward)...they taste awful...and the wine is no better. (true)
Just had gastric bypass surgery....no room for memorial emblems... (not really)
I am having exploratory surgery and the doctors say I have a 90% chance of finding a life..... but if I go to the Big M the chances drop to near zero. (no surgery...but my chances of finding a real life are increasing exponentially the longer I stay away).
If I see a certain racist elder I will drop kick his a$$. (this one is true).
I have an appointment with ...... I will think of something. (true..I may hide my car in the garage if I am home).
Radical lumpectomy of my a$$.....because the elders are still on it. (actually, no elders have called on me in official capacity recently..and none have invited me to the Memorial at all).
Snakes ()
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WTWizard
One sure way to get them to ask questions is to tell the truth. If you simply tell them that the total cost is higher than the total benefit, they are going to demand you to go by the inflated "benefit" that the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger presents. Yet, that is the best excuse to skip a boasting session--if the total cost exceeds the total benefit, you are wasting your time going.
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parakeet
watson: Was going to say that I am alergic to sulfites, but then I remembered I'm not supposed to drink the wine.
Which raises an interesting question about dub theology. If one of the FDS is allergic to something in the bread or wine and is unable to eat or drink it, does that mean Jehovah will not accept them as a FDS? Perhaps he will even view them as apostate for claiming to be a FDS but does not "partake of the emblems."
Maybe the dub would be required to have an emergency syringe on hand to slow down the anaphylactic shock in time for him/her to be rushed to the hospital for treatment.
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Anti-Christ
This is what my wife said to her mother two years ago when we stop going. " At the last memorial they said it was not enough to just go to the memorial once a year, we must go to all the meetings ( we were already inactive but still went to the memorial every year) so what's the point on going to the memorial?" Her mom did not like that excuse at all , I thought it was a good one.
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rebel8
LOL--good answers.
There was a thread somewhere about Nisan 14 not being the actual date. The real date must be calculated on the barley harvest (?).
So another one could be--"Been checking my Grape Nuts faithfully every a.m. and the Memorial was a few days ago, so I celebrated it already."
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mrsjones5
Thank you but no, I like having an active part in communion.
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Billy the Ex-Bethelite
The Berean took my answer "G*DDA%N F@CK!N... WOW"
How about C.I.F. - Chronic Involuntary Flatulence?
B the X