Blondie, this comment is mainly aimed at you but anyone who has the anwer please jump in.
My mother last week told me that a recent study article refined the rules for her, and if I were to DA, she would have to stop speaking to me.
What was stated in "a recent study article" ? It would have to be fairly recent, like in the last few months.
Here's the entire opening post I had a thread about on JWS (I am JIC in the conversation):
Okay, to get everyone up to speed on this one;
I submitted a letter of resignation as an elder over 2.5 years ago. There was an elder in my congregation we will call "Brother Not-So-Confidential." "Brother Not-So-Confidential" and his family decided to move to where the need was even greater than in our foreign language congregation, but had to cut costs before doing so. They went back to their local English congregation, which happens to be where my mother attends. (Small world in the JW's)
Maybe about 1.5 years ago, I had the serious talk with my mother about how I wasn't attending meetings anymore. She said "You disassociated yourself." I said no, that I had stopped associating, but was still a member in good standing. She said that she was disfellowshipped back in the 70's and had to go through the shunning process to get back later. She said she would not shun me. Her only concern was that I hadn't really discussed this all with her. I told her, truthfully, that I had refrained from directly saying my thoughts and current situation out of kindness to her and her situation with an "unbelieving mate." Her husband might not understand the whole thing. She agreed and actually thanked me for not saying anything.
We've had a normal relationship since then. She doesn't talk "spiritual" stuff with me, that's the only 800 lb. gorilla we have in the room with us.
Well, today- I am driving in the car with my mother and she asks if I went to the Memorial. "No."
Mom: You didn't write a letter of disassociation, did you?
JIC: No, I wrote a letter resigning as an elder. That's all.
Mom: Okay. Because there was that recent article that made it clear that I would have to stop speaking to you if you were disassociated. I spoke to "Brother Not-So-Confidential" right after that and he said you had written a letter. I had been so worried about this. I thought I would have to stop speaking to you.
JIC: You would do what you know is right, not what some article hints at, wouldn't you?
Mom: I couldn't. The article was straightforward. I would have to stop speaking to you.
(This was such a new developement out-of-the-blue. I didn't want to try to pick it apart and say something I would regret, so I really said very little.)
JIC: I have written no such letter.
Mom: Good. Don't write that letter. I would have such a hard time explaining to my husband why I had to stop speaking to you. Don't write that letter.
JIC: Okay. I won't.
Here's the thing. She was clear 1.5 years ago that she would not shun me. She was clear today that she would have to "because the rules" were defined for her. I could be a rapist, pedophile, voter, but that would be okay. She couldn't violate the recent rules about DA'ed people though.
The other thing- where does "Brother Not-So-Confidential" get off on telling my mother what letters I wrote or anything about my status. I don't think he was trying to hurt me, he was asked a question. I think my mother misunderstood his answer. But still- how about "Your son, why don't you ask him?" Let that be the end of the answers that he has no business discussing. "Brother Not-So-Confidential" and his family are now out-of-country on their glorious coverting work in a land where the need is so much greater. I won't bother to try to contact him and tell him off, but still he should know better.
So things haven't changed between my mother and I, but I am kind of pissed off about this recent reprogramming inserted into her brain. Thoughts, comments, ideas on what to say or do- always welcome.