by Stan Conroy 69 Replies latest jw friends
So according to the study the DF person "loses PRECIOUS fellowship with loved ones"
how is it precious when it is only conditional on believing in something you cannot concientiously follow, or by not being true to yourself.
If the person made a genuine mistake and is sorry WHY is he DF anyway??
At one time the Witchtower claimed DF was to bring a person back to his senses. It is being used more and more to PUNISH and make an example of S.O. to strike fear into the sheeple.
HB
My first post here. I have been df'd for 30 yrs and my parents have gone back and forth on the shunning stuff though it never seemed they went further than not saying anything spiritual around me. A few years ago they went gung ho with the shunning going so far to call me and explain their intentions. I shed some tears and told them (quite sincerely) that I understood and not to worry that I loved them and I would always be there for them. Needless to say they are getting up in age and their health is declining and indeed I have been there for them and will continue to do so.
I feel that they sincerely believe what they have been taught and I will always respect the decisions they make based on those beliefs. Just as I do any other persons personal beliefs.
I would totally cut them off for that. Do not, under any circumstances, rejoin the witlesses or try to get reinstated just for them. The parents are elderly, and will probably soon be in dire straits and need your help. At which point, just refuse--you are not responsible for helping out parents, and if they are mean-spirited, you are under no moral obligation to honor them.
Once they run into financial difficulty or health problems where they need your assistance, and you refuse, they will see the effects of their actions. If they continue hounding you, you could tell them that they are going to have to rely on Jehovah for help. Remember, the prodigal son had to suffer like that before he came to his senses.
Or, you could offer the help, but under the strict condition that no attempt will be made to get you to rejoin the cancer. They could in fact be exposed to how their religion is not the truth. If it gets to that, they will not have much choice. Either way, you should under no circumstances go back into the cancer--or else, when you get old, it might be your turn.
you know, this is a sensitive subject for me. My younger sister is the joy of my life and I've always felt protective over her. However, she is very much a jw and limits her contact with me. It really grates my nerves when she goes to a convention and cant find anyone to watch her dog....so guess who gets the call to dogsit? she recently held a jewelry party with her jw aunt and invited all the 'worldly' ladies from her job....which kinda ircked me because these really nice ladies have NEVER been invited into her home. But now that money was involved, they were welcomed with open arms. just seems like a double standard is all. And YES, I know i have the choice/responsibility to say "no" if that's what I wanna do...
Reniaa said:
"they are allowed to associate for necessary family business which would include keeping in contact with grandkids. It feels like theyare being overly strict according to your words."
WRONG, as usual. This is not how most interpret the byzantine articles about df'ing, and if you call HQ, they will tell you to have nothing to do with df'ed ones.
My inlaws want to see their great grand child, but only if my son is there. He declined, something I agree with totally.
What flavor is the Kool Aid today, Reniaa?
You wrote: "Does anyone know if they really have a loop hole like that? Seems an awful lot like "having your cake and eating it too" so it's probably true."
It's true. They can also make contact for family emergencies (such as storm emergencies, illnesses, and deaths), as well as business. Witnesses spell business - "bu$ine$$".
It's called fractional shunning. It only works if the shunner and the shunnee agree to the terms. The Watch Tower Corporation is the third party beneficiary to the agreement . . . as always.
Thank you everyone for your kind responses, and feedback. I really appreciate it.
I did fail to mention that I am neither DF'd or DA'd. However I did make it very clear that I will never rejoin their cult, and that I stongly believe it to be wrong. I've never submitted a letter to that effect simply because that is their rules and they don't apply to me. How they (the JWs) want to handle the paper work on me is not my concern.
I did get 2 calls from my father last night, the first to tell me that they were hasty since I have never been "officially" announced. He called back 10 minutes later to reinforce the fact that I am being shunned. Sounds like a classic case of cognitive dissonance to me.
As for keeping in contact with the grandkids, no, sorry, we are a package deal. I have kept them sheltered from the insanity of this cult, and I intend to continue to do that. I do not want them to experience the trauma of being an outcast in school the way I did being born into that mess.
Stan
Oh its all about THEM and what is convenient for THEM and useful to THEM and what THEY need and on THEIR terms.....always has been always will be, and the rest of the planet is supposed to cow tow to them. Um NOT. They can go f---k their collective self.
"Son your mother and I are going to shun you if you dont go back to the hall. But please be on call for when I need you to fix a flat, clean out the gutters or go get my medication for me will ya huh? Thats a good boy." SAY WHAT????
"Oh and we wont be giving BLOOD either because GIVING BLOOD IS A SIN AGAINST JEHOVAH but when your mother needs her Factor 8 we will be the FIRST ONES IN LINE at the clinic to get that particular blood part for ourselves and we WILL just continue to take and take and take and take from all the rest of you out there. But DONT YOU FOR ONE MINUTE believe God loves any of you losers. Now get on down to that blood bank and GIVE YOUR DAMN BLOOD FOR YOUR MAMA!"
"And by the way we are continuing to be told that higher education is evil and so we are keeping our lot stupid and unejikatid so as to make sure, particularly in this economy, that they are on welfare and jobless because most of the bruthers are or WERE in the trades...so thank you for paying all those taxes in so we can continue to suck off all of ya, and from the other sides of our mouths condemn you all to destruction by Jehoover at Imadeadun."
Peace out.
My family has done this for years, they will talk to DF'ed ones when there is a health care crisis. My parents have loosely endorsed this policy the last few years, my family would have never been trotted out for dinner with the circuit overseer but we sure are there for the grunt work and we were still at every meeting, just not enough for them, like elder or pioneer.
Miola- I totally agree that they have a right to there religious beliefs. If they want to not celebrate birthdays, abstain from blood, or face east and pray seven times a day that's all fine. But I really think it's asking to much to ignore you their entire life and call when they need you. I am with you, I will do what I have to do. But good lord will anyone ever notice that this is not what christianity was meant to be! Welcome to the site.
I might add too, that I am DAd and my mother in law is DAd and my estranged husband and his SISTER are both JWs and the sister has five kids. Sister will NOT allow any contact between her kids and her mother. Will NOT speak to her mother. Nor reply to any emails or attempts to communicate, yet the sister DOES speak to me DOES hang out with me with her kids HAS had me over to her home (with my husband) and treated me, what I call normally, and so there obviously is a LOT of latitude as to how the JWs can treat EXJWs and they CHOOSE how they do it.
What this pair are doing to their son is spiritual black mail...pure and simple. Extortion.
