Black Families & Shunning

by snowbird 87 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  purplesofa

  Hey Snowbird, I have wanted to post all day but have had my grand daughter the last few days and can't get online like usual. I have seen a few black kids shunned by their family when one left the truth and the other was DF. Reaching out to others in the congo and circuit for help in relief, I am sure this was a rare case as the Father was an elder and a very rigid JW. He actually was on the committee when I was DF and some of the things he said to me that hurt, still come to mind from time to time.

  Anyway, I wanted to share this information with you. If you have a chance to read Tolle's book, I think you might find some of what he says helpful.

  Here are a couple of paragraphs from Ekhart Tolle's book, A New Earth.

  The collective racial pain-body is pronounced in Jewish people, who have suffered persecution over many centuries. Not surprisingly, it is stong as well in Native Americans, whose numbers were decimated and whose culture all but destroyed by the European settlers. In Black Americans too the collective pain-body is pronounced. Their ancestors were violently uprooted, beaten into submission, and sold into slavery. The foundation of American economic prosperity rested on the labor of four to five million black slaves. In fact, the suffering inflicted on Native and Black Americans has not remained confined to those two races, but has become part of the collective American pain-body. It is always the case that both victim and perpetrator suffer the consequences of any acts of violence, oppression, or brutality. For what you do to others, you do to yourself.

  It doesn't really matter what proportion of your pain-body belongs to your nation or race and what proportion is personal. In either case, you can only go beyond it by taking responsiblity for your inner state now. Even if blame seems more justified, as long as you blame others, you keep feeding the pain-boy with your thoughts and remain trapped in your ego. There is only one perpetrator of evil on the planet: human unconsciousness. That realization is true forgiveness. With forgiveness, your victim identity disolves, and your true power emerges-the power of Presence. Instead of blaming darkness, you bring in the light.
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  oompa

  funny.....what i read from the first two pages anyway......

  i know many blacks and whites that do not shun......and many that do.........and have never noticed a diff

  but the black families i do know that shun like crap!.....act so white!!!

  one of the few reasons i kinda like being raised a dub was the lack of racism......damm i had some hot black GF's in high school and right after!!!...OMG.......oompa
• 

  independent_tre

  Interesting topic...

  I dunno... My avatar speaks to my heritage, and all I will say is that my mom shuns with no problem. For decades, I have wondered why I wasn't close to an aunt of mine, until my mother and I ran into her at an event. I spoke to her, glad to see her, of course. And my mom made sure to pull me to the side and let me know that I should not have spoken to her, because she was DF'd. There is a black JW sister at my job that shuns her own daughter to a T, as if she were dead to her. But then again, that may be a show and who knows what she does at home.

  OTOH..The congregation I was from was very family oriented and about 99.9% black and DF'd ones really weren't treated that badly. A courageous soul or two has spoken to these ones right at the meeting. But then again, the DF process was like a revolving door. One month so-n-so was DF, next month they were back. That was one of the weirder aspects of that cong.

  If you approach a black person in my area (L .A. ca) and ask them their opinion on JW,s , the first thing

  out of their mouth, They break up families. Why would anyone get involve with a organization that separate

  family members, especially inveiw what we as a race has gone thru..The shunning in my area of family

  members have change a lot in the pass years, it change for the good. There are too many out , by shunning

  exmembers, they stand the chances of allenating thier non JW family members.This is the case in my

  family.

  Jam... This sounds EXACTLY like my inlaws, and when I got baptized my MIL warned hubby that this is what JW's do. We disagree on many things, but she was dead on about this.
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  StAnn

  I have a very close friend whose grandmother was just murdered by her JW children when they refused to allow her to have a blood transfusion. They put her in hospice instead and did vigil by her bedside until she died.

  At her funeral, my friend noticed a woman in the front row with family that he had never seen before. He asked his mother who she was and his mother told him that the woman was her sister. My friend, who is 30 years old, has an aunt he didn't even know existed because she was DF'd. His mother never mentioned her. His grandmother never mentioned her, even though it was her own daughter. All pictures of her had been destroyed.

  This is an AfAm family. And they are no more extreme than my "white" family.

  St. Ann
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  CHILD

  St. Ann, this is what makes me ill about this cult. The brainwashing is so strong! Loyalty to the Society = loyalty to Jehovah. The lack of love is what drives many to leave. These are the fruit of this cult.
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  aligot ripounsous

  I believe this tradition of keeping the family close...

  May I differ, Snowbird,

  In French Caribbean overseas departments (Martinique, Guadeloupe, to which we can add French Guyana), I know from experience that one has to make a distinction between "registered" official families and "natural" ones, which are quite many. Only the former ones are, on the whole, close knitted, and certainly not the latter ones. I, personnaly, find different behaviour, as to shunning, in all communities, white, mixed, black, Indians (coolies as some call them, overthere) and Asians. Asians, particularly, are used to working professionally together within families and they are less likely to shun one another. Like Purps, I tend to think that one determining factor is whether those families have a -stick-to-the-rule elder among their members, in which case the atmosphere will be, indeed, more stiffling.
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  noni1974

  I wanted to add my family at least the closest ones don't shun me when it comes to family crisis. I am in fact one of the first ones they call. I was there when my uncle died 4 years ago and my grandpa died 2 years ago. I was one of the first ones there when they were sick and we knew they didn't have long. I was called and I am still called if something happens to my mother who is in a nursing home. They don't exclude me at all when it comes to death or sickness. I'm lucky in that fact. My family at least includes me. I have a voice in my mothers care in the nursing home. I was the one who called the hospital and told them we wanted her transferred to Cleveland when she fell and hurt herself in the nursing home and she was 60 miles away. I told them under not circumstances would we want her operated on out there. They listened to me and she wasn't cut open out there. She was brought into town. Lucky for us she ended up not needing an operation at all. I was the one who found her a new nursing home closer to us. I took it upon myself to work with her nursing home social services person when no one else did. Believe me if something happened to my family and I wasn't told I would be livid. My family knows me enough to know I would raise hell with doctors and family so they tell me what's going on if anything is going on.

  Many many EX Jw's don't even have that. I heard another story tonight about an EX JW who's family tried to exclude them from a funeral of a sibling who was also an EX JW. It sickens me that people can do that to each other.

  I DA ed 11 years ago. I am always there for my family and I know if I was sick and needed them they would be there for me. The problem with that is the blood issue. I had made it clear that I would take a blood transfusion if I needed one but my JW family won't support me in my decision. They will in fact enforce a no blood policy for me if I were to ever need a blood transfusion.

  I have parents and siblings and aunts and an uncle and almost all of my cousins that are JW's. So if I were to ever need a blood transfusion I would not get one if it were left up to them. I'm still in need of a medical power of attorney. I don't have anyone local at the moment. I may ask my friend Lori who I've known since I was a teenager. She is also a EX JW like me and would do it if I asked.
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  quietlyleaving

  another point worth thinking about is that the governing body or the rule makers in WTS land are traditionally mostly white/male/capitalist and it may just be that in devising the rules regarding shunning they haven't given sufficient thought to how non white/male/capitalist people interact with one another and that is why there is a perception of more freedom among "foreigners" to that way of seeing things.

  Another point is that in the black family that I know, shunning and disfellowshipping, despite the small mercies that have already been mentioned, is still very very hurtful and alienating to those who have been disfellowshipped. The disfellowshipped ones don't make a fuss, they avoid controversy and doctrinal questioning - so this reduces more direct shunning. And yet still they are made to feel unacceptable in more subtle ways. In fact non witness members of the family also absorb this negativity and see the d'shpped ones as inferior - it comes out in conversation. Also family members who are witnesses shun more quietly and obliquely and this is just as hurtful as more upfront shunning.

  I guess the point I'm making is that shunning and disfellowshipping are cruel practices perpetrated by the WTS - there is no getting away from that. Once they have labelled a person it tends to stick to some extent even among non witness family members but this aspect may be less relevant to non witness family in a capitalist/white/male society than in other socieites and communities.

  edit: if that sounds like a vent, maybe it is, but I'm reading a little political philosophy at the moment and enjoying it very much. If anyone's interested it's entitled An introduction to Political Philosophy by Jonathan Wolf (he is professor of Philosophy at University College London)
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  snowbird

  Wow! I didn't realize this thread would take off like this!

  My thanks to all for your input.

  Purps and QL, I will have to look into those books.

  Jam, thanks for the BBQ sauce tip.

  Sylvia
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  independent_tre

  QL - EXCELLENT POST! Food for thought indeed.

  Many of the policies and rules, not just the shunning, are going to have a Western ideological or a Eurocentric context simply because this is a man made religion from Brooklyn. In other lands, culture probably does influence the implementation of some rules.

  Yet I think the overarching influence is just how dedicated a person is to the 'org'. If they believe without a doubt that this is their lifeline to Jehovah, they will continue to shun. If they have a less hard core JW mentality, the strong family ties will have some effect, and thus they may keep lines of communication open.

  And OF COURSE - if they NEED something from you, they will call regardless.