Can't believe I am doing this

by rockmehardplace 49 Replies latest jw friends

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  ziddina

  Hello, RockMeHardPlace! Good to have you on board!

  Uhmmmm, in reading your narrative (very interesting!) this sentence leapt out at me: "she still defends that we could go nowhere else and receive what we do..."

  Yes, but look at what you have actually received...: "I started to see the ugly side of so many, especially the elders. One elder ... like a fleshly brother to me, completely turned his back on me because he felt I "joined an elite snobbish group in the hall."

  "I always knew the pedophile issue for what it was and swore if I had kids when I first heard about it years ago, I woud never let them out of my site with anyone...."

  It's an organization that creates an atmosphere wherein you cannot trust your child alone WITH ANYONE!!! There are better organizations out there - hell, even the Catholic Church has finally admitted it has a major problem and is taking steps to address the situation!! But "God's" organization - total denial that any problem exists; criminal concealment of sexual acts against children, intimidation of victims and witnesses to the crimes - that sounds more like the Mafia than any 'divinely-inspired' organization...

  "I hate the recent changes about the GB and the emphasis put on them as the sole decision makers,..." "I never really felt that the blood issue was right even after my research,..." "I thought that field service was nothing more than a two hour brunch session after knocking on the same persons door... I kept it to myself and just played the game...."

  "is backbiting, hypocrisy, lies, and mostly unloving attitude. And this goes even deeper than imperfection of others, it is outright disrespect for people and disrespect for God...." "... they, continue to preach all the things that we do wrong and if you miss a meeting, dont participate in field service, or kiss the other elders backsides, you are pickings for the vultures...."

  THIS - this - is what you "receive", in matter of fact. Sure hope your wife can grasp what I spotted right off... If possible, could you gently nudge your wife towards this realization... "It couldn't be any worse out in the 'world'..." Not those words exactly, but a gentle leading....??

  Speaking from personal experience, it's actually much better out in "the world"... But that will be a gradual process of discovery for you and your wife... Hopefully...

  Zid
• 

  stillajwexelder

  Welcome to the board. Thanks for your story
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  I have seen many people improve their lives because of becoming a JW but I have seen families and relationships destroyed by what JWs have done as well.

  People will improve their lives in many circumstances. I will not try to take away from the JW's on that, but a misguided youth joining the Army or joining the Boy's Club gets some direction in life. An alcoholic joining AA improves his life. That doesn't mean that all Armies, Boy's Clubs, and AA chapters are God's organizations. YES, even joining a church makes a loose life into a tighter one- perhaps better in most aspects. I give credit to the person who decides it is time to improve his life, regardless of his path. At least I do now, as I no longer am such a judgmental person as I was as a JW elder.

  I don't see a baby in the bathwater as far as JW's are concerned. I see it in other organizations, but only if they don't insist that they are "the truth," the only way to salvation, the only right way to please the creator. In other words, there is good in the people and the structure in their lives brings good things to them, but the price of WTS to get it is too high. If the WTS has so much good, then why are those raised in it so screwed up? You could say the ones that stay with the religion are not pregnant or high on drugs, but so many fly off the handle when they can get away from the religion and so many are shunned for no other reason than they finally woke up. Most of the ones that are not pregnant or high and stay in the religion wind up in miserable marriages or miserable jobs or miserable overall lives. If that's not the case for some, great. Make sure they aren't just telling themselves they are happy, though. WTS encourages that kind of thinking. There's so much better that can be found. That's no baby in that bathwater, it's mind-control telling you it's a baby.

  I got out of there, but I don't DA because of family. Still, I have to stay away from it as it has been nothing positive once I took the blinders off. I could say I stayed sober 99.9% of the time I was in, and was drunk 99.9% of the time before I was in. I could say many positive things about where I am today. I would not be married to the same person if I never joined the JW's, true enough. But that all would be giving credit to them for my own acheivements as far as sobriety goes, and I would have a different life with a different wife if I never knew this life, so what do I know that it was so wonderful to join the JW's and meet such a wonderful person? Wonderful people are everywhere, despite WTS teachings. I may just have well stayed sober 100% of the time if I dedicated my life to the 12 steps of AA, but I dedicated my life to staying sober for Jehovah. It was my dedication to staying sober, not Jehovah or AA that did it. If it was Jehovah, he let me down that 0.1% of the time.

  Some might view your phone ringing as a sign from God. If it were a sign to stick with Jehovah and "His organization," the guy would have offered warm friendly stuff instead of "Check in with me if you miss a meeting." That actuality would be a sign that the JW's are too controlling. OR it would just be a big coincidence- my vote for coincidence.

  You don't have to check in with him. If you don't, it will go a long way toward them relying on you less and less and set the way for your getting less and less involved. I recommend you NEVER call him when you are going to miss. If you have some part in the meeting and feel you must call someone, send a text to a different elder and not him. Or call when you are sure to get the voicemail and never a live person- do it as last-minute as possible. Tell him later that you weren't sure whether you would miss the meeting or not. Basically- don't let them control you. You control the situation. Those are just recommendations. Do as you see fit. It's you running your life now, not anyone else.
• 

  rockmehardplace

  Thanks OTWO. The phone call was only a freak coincidence. For a moment there, it sounded as if I was living a story made up by, I dont know, maybe africanGB? lol I will definately take your advice on the calling issue.

  You are right, many organizations have made impacts on people's lives for the better, not just the JWs. I have to keep reminding myself of that. A little more deprogramming is in order.
  
  Thanks again.
• 

  coffee_black

  Welcome to the forum!

  Coffee
• 

  thomas15

  rockmehardplace,

  I have nothing but respect for you as the hardest thing in my opinion for a person to do is admit that they are wrong or headed down the wrong path. The fact that a person has to devise all kinds of schemes and a strategy to leave a church is to my non-JW mind hard to believe. But that is the reality and you must deal with it. I'm tempted to say deal with it as "best you can" but as a Bible believer in the risen Christ I can offer much more. I would urge you to take up Jesus offer to carry your heavy load; He is willing and able to do this. And you also have the Word of God which is sharper than any two edged sword.

  I will keep you in my prayers my friend. One piece of a sage advice I offer you is don't do anything rash.

  Take care,

  Tom
• 

  winstonchurchill

  Welcome, RockMeHardPlace.

  I could entirely take your post and sign it and post it as mine. Exactly.

  I joined a few weeks ago, after -like you- lurking for a long time. This bunch is just lovely. Here you'll find brilliant and balanced people (and yeah some nut-jobs).

  What I can tell you is that when you shift your focus from upholding the 'organization' and its rules, to supporting the people, you earn a remarkable peace of mind. That's how I stay in (I have my reasons) and even hold responsabilities as an elder: I just stopped caring about the WTS and its representatives. I don't hate them, I don't antagonize them... I simply ignore them. I care for the people. I know that down the road I'll be put in a situation were I won't be able to hide my real beliefs. I'll cross that bridge when I reach that river.

  For whatever it's good, count on me.
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  rockmehardplace

  I have been monitoring my post all day since I made it. I must now take absence for a few days as I will not have internet access until next week (you see, I can only do this while at work and we have bank holiday Monday). I thank all of you for your comments and I will continue to check in next week. So many people have such unique situations in their lives, and each of you handle yours in a different way. Some with humor, some with seriousness, some with bitterness (and thats ok), some with hopefullness, and some with a few drinks. Either way, I have found a place to finally feel free to vent and release myself from my situation ( Rock{me}hardplace ) Thanks again.
• 

  Satanus

  'Can't believe I am doing this'

  The voyage of 10,000 miles begins w the first step. It's the magic moment from being immobile to moving in a direction. The body leads and the mind follows. Although, your mind was ready for it. Many jws' minds are trapped in the immobiblity. Congratulations on making a move.

  S
• 

  lavendar

  I thought Jesus came to upbuild and bring hope to people. This is not happening in the congregation.

  Jesus DID come to upbuild and bring hope to people.

  The reason it's not happening in your congregation......is because the WTS does not have the REAL Jesus. Sadly, they only have a counterfeit.