ATJeff Answers Letters from JW Readers (page 5)

Awakened at Gilead

Dear non-Lords over our Faith:

My wife never has an orgasm. Are we allowed to do any position besides me being on top, and are we allowed to enjoy it anyway?

Brother Randy (& Sister Dunerly)

AllTimeJeff

Dear Brothers, Chosen Exclusively by God,

I am a hard-working sister in the congregation. I study, pray go to meetings, etc just like all the men. In addition, I work a full-time job, raise and study with the children, (altho only my husband gets to count the time....), do all the cooking and cleaning ('cus all Christian wives are "workers at home") and spend more time in field circus than most men.

Yet I am still portrayed in every picture in the WT and illustration from the platform, as an apron-wearing, '50's housewife who is searching for the perfect dress pattern.

Who am I supposed to be?

Help!

Sincerely, Stuck in a TimeWarp

Dear Sis Gentile Stuck in a TimeWarp

Stop your bitching! Don't you know that if your husband didn't dominate you, you would have no chance at everlasting life? Do you know how hard it is to be a brother in this group?

Seriously, we think that, short of going back in time, you should watch Nick at Nite reruns of "The Donna Reed Show". God, she was hot! And she never showed any knees. What a modest hottie!

Also, even though you can't count FS time with your kids like your hubby can, please be assurred that Yah sees all, and is real happy with you putting your head in the sand. Praise Yah!

Btw, we are sending your letter to your local body of elders, along with our comments. We can only hope your hubby stays an appointed servant. Good going, beeaach!

AllTimeJeff

Dear non-Lords over our Faith:

My wife never has an orgasm. Are we allowed to do any position besides me being on top, and are we allowed to enjoy it anyway?

Brother Randy (& Sister Dunerly)

Dear Gentile Reader (and lets hope some in your class never come here )

You suck! You're less of a man. C'mon! (No pun intended)

Wait, you're on top? It's all good. Who cares what she gets out of it, she's a sister. If she were a sista, that would be different.

So go ahead, enjoy! It's the biblical thing to do. Hope you enjoy your nap afterward, you manbeast!

shamus100

Dearest Watchtower Bible and Tract Society Incorporated (tm):

Do you guys ever just go out and get HAMMERED? I mean, go to the beach, grab some boobs, and get just fall-down, drunk as a skunk, puking drunk? I do, and it's a lot of fun - it gives me more zeal when I feel guilty the next day. My self-esteem sucks... you're doing a bang-up job.

Oh yeah, I'm kind of hammered right now... is this okay? I still get like twelve hours a month in field service. I study with my family and count beating my children as study time too. Hope that's okay!

Wow, I'm drunk.

Brownosingley Yours,

Brother D. Gunner

AllTimeJeff

Dearest Watchtower Bible and Tract Society Incorporated (tm):

Do you guys ever just go out and get HAMMERED? I mean, go to the beach, grab some boobs, and get just fall-down, drunk as a skunk, puking drunk? I do, and it's a lot of fun - it gives me more zeal when I feel guilty the next day. My self-esteem sucks... you're doing a bang-up job.

Oh yeah, I'm kind of hammered right now... is this okay? I still get like twelve hours a month in field service. I study with my family and count beating my children as study time too. Hope that's okay!

Wow, I'm drunk.

Brownosingley Yours,

Brother D. Gunner

Dear Gentile Gunner

Do we ever get hammered? Have you ever read our WT articles on anything to do with Ezekiel? DUH!

And we do grab boobs. Usually, but they are man boobs. Sydlik had the best. Schroeder never let us touch his naughty bits, but it wasn't for a lack of trying. (Losch put a stop to it. He is a jealous "a" cup)

While we were disappointed that you didn't think the GB could get some, we were happy to see that you beat your kids. While we can't officially say thats the way to do it, that is the way to do it. Good going! See if you can't get them to regular pioneer at 16 while your poor wife home schools them! Thats a great way to indoctrinate them!

Wishing you Yah's power as you dominate your household. Happy hammering!

PS You still aren't going to be a MS until you blow an elder. Sorry, thats just how it works.

BurnTheShips

Dearest Watchtower Bible and Tract Society Incorporated tm :

Brudders, I once rubbed one out in a bathroom stall during a Special Assembly Day tm when I was put on the cleanup team. I was wearing a pure wool suit. Should I confess to the Elders tm for sheepiality?

In a sticky dilemma,

Brother Dick Trickle

AllTimeJeff

(this is too much fun....)

Dearest Watchtower Bible and Tract Society Incorporated tm :

Brudders, I once rubbed one out in a bathroom stall during a Special Assembly Day tm when I was put on the cleanup team. I was wearing a pure wool suit. Should I confess to the Elders tm for sheepiality?

In a sticky dilemma,

Brother Dick Trickle

Dear Gentile Dick Trickle (LMFAO!)

We are happy to hear that you have obtained a white robe of righteousness as Revelation spoke of. Of course, because you are not annointed, not only do you have to return it, you have to pay for the dry cleaning. (good luck explaining THAT stain to Jesus!)

Really, it only matters where you rubbed one out. If it was a rented facility, like old Yankee Stadium, no one would be able to tell any difference. It smells like boiled rat piss in there.

However, it looks like you aimed and fired your man cannon during a spiritual oasis. In this case, we have sent your case to a special committee of elders, three former homosexual bethel elders to be exact. We wish you all the best in falling on their mercy and good judgment.

Awakened at Gilead

Dear Bethel Office:

Why are you guys such wankers?

Freddy

AllTimeJeff

Dear Bethel Office:

Why are you guys such wankers?

Freddy

Dear Freddy

First of all F*$K you for 1975 and all of your BS! We are paying for that to this very day.

And you lost fair and square in 1975. Thats why we did the committees, so no nut job like you could freelance prophetic bull$hit ever again.

On the other hand, we really miss your plaid shirts.

And it takes a wanker to know a wanker. Happy old dead man?

shamus100

Dearest Watchtower Guys,

My neighbour says you don't know your ass from a hole in the ground. Then he threw cat crap in my yard from my cat.

How can I love thy neighbour when he's a really really bad man? I asked him to be my brother again, and he spat on me.

Sincerely,

Brother Castrated

ATJeff Answers Letters from JW Readers

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