ATJeff Answers Letters from JW Readers

by AllTimeJeff 131 Replies latest jw friends

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  AllTimeJeff

  Dearest Watchtower Guys,

  My neighbour says you don't know your ass from a hole in the ground. Then he threw cat crap in my yard from my cat.

  How can I love thy neighbour when he's a really really bad man? I asked him to be my brother again, and he spat on me.

  Sincerely,

  Brother Castrated

  Dear Castrated Gentile

  It is always disturbing to us when we read of an unbeliever making false accusations. If he says you don't know your ass from a hole in the ground, we suggest turning the other cheek.

  If he knows what to do with the other cheek, he was likely a bethel elder. We don't suggest spitting back in this case.

  Remember, to love those hating you is a Christian requirement, unless they use to be JW's. Then we can hate the shit out of them, with all the used kitty litter we can throw at em!
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  metaspy

  Dear Borg Leaders,

  How is it that you have evaded having someone "go postal" and take down your cult?

  Certainly you have pissed off enough people throughout the years. Does this show Jehovah's protection?

  Sincerly,

  Speedy Delivery Postal Worker
• 

  AllTimeJeff

  Dear Borg Leaders,

  How is it that you have evaded having someone "go postal" and take down your cult?

  Certainly you have pissed off enough people throughout the years. Does this show Jehovah's protection?

  Sincerly,

  Speedy Delivery Postal Worker

  Dear Gentile Postal Worker

  First of all, we'd like to thank you for not going postal on us. I don't think anyone would mind though if you took out a congo in LA.

  Actually, thats pretty much our strategy. We send out all the funny ones to Cali. Only that @$$hole Watters started some damn website. The others turn into homeless bums.

  We think that Yah's protection is very much in evidence. Of course, our offices are on the 5th floor and higher in 125 Columbia Heights, with a nice view of lower Manhatten, so there really isn't a need to venture out too often.
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  shamus100

  Dearest Precious Christian Brothers,

  Why can't we put a window in our Kingdomb haLL? I was wanting to watch squirrells play outside during the Watchtower (tm) study because I'm so f**king bored I could kill someone. Like what the hell is it to you? And what's with the shag carpet? Can't we get something a little nicer? And blue chairs.... C'mon! Like C'mon!

  Kind Regards,

  J. Jones
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  Awakened at Gilead

  Dear Freddy

  First of all F*$K you for 1975 and all of your BS!

  ROFLMAO!
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  dinah

  These are funny, Jeff.
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  AllTimeJeff

  These are funny, Jeff.

  Thanks Dinah. I am trying to see what its like to have a sense of humor. I reserve the right to go back and bitching about politics soon.. But this is fun...

  This is my form of venting.....
• 

  AllTimeJeff

  Dearest Precious Christian Brothers,

  Why can't we put a window in our Kingdomb haLL? I was wanting to watch squirrells play outside during the Watchtower (tm) study because I'm so f**king bored I could kill someone. Like what the hell is it to you? And what's with the shag carpet? Can't we get something a little nicer? And blue chairs.... C'mon! Like C'mon!

  Kind Regards,

  J. Jones

  Dear Gentile Jimmy

  Long time no hear? How the hell are you? Howz the island working out?

  *assistant whispering into old white man's ear* ....... "Never mind....."

  Why the hell would you want windows? Have you seen the latest WT Studies lately? We practically hold your wee wee while you pee pee. "Read this scripture" "Question for paragraph 13: Who here thinks its GREAT to be a JW following the Governing Body?"

  Can you see the problem if we gave an architectural orifice to jump out of and escape? Sunshine only promotes some weird kind of hope that we would rather not let on to.

  PS Stop bitching about the carpet, they match the drapes. Even if its shag.... We make sure that all RBC members have experience making sure that the carpet matches the drapes. Thats an iron clad promise!
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  metaspy

  Dear Borg Master,

  When my congregation built a new kingdom hall, we voted that if the congregation should ever be disbanded or no longer be JW congregation, you got the land and the building.

  Has an entire congregation ever come to its senses and realized that it is a cult?

  Logging off,

  Drone #452-34H
• 

  AllTimeJeff

  Dear Borg Master,

  When my congregation built a new kingdom hall, we voted that if the congregation should ever be disbanded or no longer be JW congregation, you got the land and the building.

  Has an entire congregation ever come to its senses and realized that it is a cult?

  Logging off,

  Drone #452-34H

  Dear Gentile #452-34H

  Thanks for using your pioneer #. Are you married yet? Are you using your husbands full name on your pioneer card? You can't have your name once you are married you know.

  Yes, there has been the occasional rouge congregation. They left and meet at the VFW. We of course, as you noted keep the property and building. We usually invite a new congregation to move in, usually made up of 2 MTS grads, 1 ancient ex CO who has been off the road for 30 years with 4 yellow teeth left, 10 "faithful" members of the old congregation, one longtime elder in the circuit, and 3 unsuspecting "need greaters" who are 25 years of age and younger and have no idea what they are getting into.

  Its like it never happened.