Ex jw wife (page 6)

vikesgirl101

IDRNOMO: Your counsel is the best on this thread!

I do agree that your wife (ex) may be looking for an opportunity to remarry. She will come out smelling like a rose, and you will be the family poophead, once again. I don't know how your kids will take you writing or not writing the letter. If you do write it, you are almost writing them off. At least that is the way some youngsters think. Okay, so let's suppose you don't write it. Will your ex wife remarry? Can she hold out, and remain chaste, without the letter? If she marries anyways, is she liable for the same scrutiny that you were under? I think time always gives clarity. Give it time, sort it out. It's been three years. What's a few more weeks of mulling it over? Personally, I wouldn't do it.

chronos27

My wife tormented me for years because she "realized" she didn't want to be with me from our wedding night through our 14 year marriage. I finally caved and left..being dfed.

I hate to be bitter, but don't let her out...keep her tied up and let her be dfed...they are so tied to procedure, make her live by it

wantstoleave

Coffee, your situation sounds like what mine could be like. My husband left me over a year ago, went to another country. Ive not heard from him since. He's still 'in the truth' however, playing the wholesome 'woe is me' card. Ive been faithful, yet we will be legally divorced next month - not scripturally. I know he's been dating.......and I know he will let others assume I have given him scriptural grounds, but I havent. How did you overcome your ex doing that?

Gosh, what a pickle the Org. puts everyone in.

Lapuce

Sounds like mine, except mine lied to the elders and told them that I cheated on her, so she was free to divorce, I was the bad one and got DF'ed, she just wanted to get rid of me and be free.

NewYork44M

SSPO, it sound like you are not paying alimony - you lucky bastard.

I am, and if my ex-jw-wife asked me to write a similar letter I would and have the letter embossed in gold.

Just a different perspective.

Rabbit

sspo,

My uber dub ex-wife had a 'elder heavy' family and it showed. She tried to play the 'holier-than-thou' victim after we separated, until I pushed for a 'hearing' with a CO. She accused me of anything she could throw, including 'spiritual endangerment', adultery, etc. None of this was true. At the same time I was told by a couple of elders, "You LOOK guilty, because your meeting attendance and Service hours are so spotty..."

The Elders 'hearing' tho' actually cleared me and she was told she had no JW basis for separation/divorce. She did it anyway, even tho' she was 'severely' punished...they took away ALLof her JW womanly privileges. Then, cautioned both of us that we'd be DF'd if we "messed up or remarried". Then, they said since she was the one leaving "unscripturally" -- get this -- she would be held blood-guilty -- if *I* "messed up" ! Why ? Because, *I*, "...as the innocent party would not be getting my husbandly due. And, it's much more difficult for a man to stay celibate." (I wonder if a man thought up that one?)

I actually protested that double-standard, "Why should she be punished for something I might do ?" They blathered on something about the "...FDS said so..." so, we both said, "oh, OK..."

5 years later I remarried, inviting a bunch of JW's, not one showed up, 5 more years and I've still never been DF'd...don't know why. I would have never 'written her a "Get out of Jail Free" letter'. The damage she's done to my family is irreparable, but I've gone on with my new life, which is way more fulfilling than I could have ever imagined. I am very happy, despite losing all my JW adult children, relatives and 'friends' for being 'inactive'.

I'm suspicious, too, why she's in such a hurry for that letter. #1. She's found somebody and needs to look "free". #2. She wants you back on the JW Radar...after 3 years do you really wanna be asked questions by the elders ? There IS an advantage ...if your apostateness...is not official.

I'd say go on with your own life, it's not your job anymore to keep her ship afloat, she sailed away -- not you. That's a choice.

~Rabbit

Hiding Questioner

Wow! Rabbit I can actually take your email, and with with some minor adjustments, make what happened to you match me! See below.

My third gen dub ex-wife had a 'JW clan heavy' family and it showed. She tried to play the 'holier-than-thou' victim by arranging to have the elders over to our house for a surprise JC (and the elders were all too willing to agree without telling me!!). After she falsely charged me with being unfailthful during a recent business trip....her proof was crying over my underwear from the trip...if you can believe that. After we separated, she forced me out of the house..,while I got an attorney in preparation for the expected divorce. In addition to adultery, she accused me of anything she could throw, including 'me being gay, etc. None of this was true. At the same time I was told by the of elders, "You LOOK guilty, because your meeting attendance and Service hours are so spotty and you do travel alot..." After the divorce I learned that all the JWs in her home town (500 miles away) were on her side and believing now that I was gay....this after more then 7 years of marrage. As a result I pushed for a 'meeting' with a the City Overseer of her hometown...which I got.

We were told we had no JW basis for separation/divorce. She did it anyway, even tho' she was 'severely' punished...they took away ALLshe was the one leaving "unscripturally" -- get this -- she would be held blood-guilty -- if *I* "messed up" ! Why ? Because, *I*, "...as the innocent party would not be getting my husbandly due. And, it's much more difficult for a man to stay celibate." (Me, I have always wondered about the fairness of the innocent party being made to suffer for the rest of his/her life because of someone else's unchristian conduct. It sucks.)

But in the end I actually did not need to protested this double-standard, as I moved to another town after getting a new job to "start a new life" wondering if one day an Elders 'hearing' would eventually clear me and my reputation. To my surprise no one cared, which confirmed my

suspicion that, if I was guilty of any wrong doing, I and others like me could easily have gotten away with almost anything.

5 years later I remarried and I've still never been DF'd. What happend to my ex? I don't know much but I did learn that 5 years into my 2nd marriage she was/is? still single. Me, I would have never have 'written her a "Get out of Jail Free" letter'. The damage she's done to my mental well-being and my family is scarring, but I've gone on with my new life and new wife, which is way more fulfilling than I could have ever imagined. I am happy, despite losing all my so-called extended JW friends and family I once had in her hometown.

Like you " she sailed away -- not" [me]. [That was her] a choice."

HQ

Rabbit

HQ,

I know they say "misery loves company" ,but, dude...sorry for what you went thru.

Btw, my X never remarried either, despite me 'setting her free' by getting married. She likes playing the victim, you see...apparently, I've "ruined her for marriage", even tho' in reality most of the non-relative JW's felt sorry for me knowing how she and her family were. I think any prospective 'brother' suitor would be scared away.

There's just a tiny bit of satisfaction there...

sspo

Thanks you all for your input.

It's been a while and i have definetely made the decision never to write a letter " to make her free".

She left on her own to pursue her Jehovah and the watchtower as a single witness contrary to what the bible

says about not leaving an unbeleiving husband. She destroyed the family in order to prove her faithfulness to the organization.

I decided even if i sleep with a hundred women she will never find out.

Ex jw wife

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