by The Berean 30 Replies latest jw friends
who was as good as I could have realistically hoped for
What a ringing endorsment of your affection for her, and BTW, you used the past-tense "was"...Freudian???
Yet, over time, she has become less and less willing to respect my experience and conclusions concerning life.
Has it ever occured to you that she too has been gaining experience and determining conclusion concerning life? Your statement sounds incredibly paternalistic.
A lot of what you are experiencing is normal for being married that long. But the JW thing just holds a magnifiying glass to all of it because they promote ignoring unbelieving, exbelieving mates. There is no doubt about the existence of THAT dictate. But I wouldnt replace her or go live alone. I dont think you would be happier that way. There must be some redeeming factor in your marriage and your mate that will sustain you?
Mates...sometimes you cant live with em and you cant shoot em. :)
I suggest you need to be honest and forthright (but always kind) about the behaviour she exhibits towards you. Identify to her that you do not appreciate it and that it is hurting you. If she is doing this in front of others, ask your wife to come with you and excuse yourself from the group so you can express to her your concern about her behaviour in private. She needs to answer to you as to why she is treating you in an unprincipled manner. You need to identify this to her and ask her why. If you never tell someone, they may never know ... or they may feel you just don't care. If she continues to exhibit the unsupportive, unprincipled behaviour, suggest to her that you feel the 2 of you need to seek outside help with the communication part of your marriage.
You could also tell your wife that you need to take some time and go away for a few days or a week or two. Tell her you have some things you wish to speak to her about regarding the marriage and your future together but that you need time to sort them out. This will give her time to think about things as well. Perhaps during this time you could seek your own counseling.
I strongly suggest the two of you get to a marital or communications counselor together. The WTS is going to destroy your marriage if it hasn't already done so. She is not exhibiting principled behaviour in the marriage. To me, this says she doesn't want the marriage... OR she doesn't realize the extent and effect her behaviour is having on the marriage. Either way, you need to take some steps in order to affect some change or things will only get worse.
Didn't you say in another thread that you let her get away with cheating on you?
I think you probably need to fix your own self esteem (probably with therapy). Then, if she doesn't have appreciation and respect for you and your feelings, and can't muster any up (possibly with therapy too), end your relationship.
I believe that if it's out of your control and you find that you are going to have exist with loneliness in a relationship, you are better off to actually be alone.
I'd try putting back some magic first. Magic makes people want to stay close to home.
She is married to you...not the elders... are the elders going to take care of her if you leave? I don't think so. I would talk to her and tell her that you show respect and you expect her to do the same.
Makes you sound just a tad crazed. Is that the intention?
I have a flowery writing style.
But yes, the Bible et. al. are all very offensive when speaking of womanly submission.
I agree with FHN, you need to put some Magic into your marriage...
Ooo, is that sabre saw a Binford cordless?
