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by Heartbreaker 53 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Heartbreaker
    Heartbreaker

    I have no idea what I want to convey in words here on this site, and have surprised myself by even joining at all. I intended just to read, and get a few pieces of information, and now am a member, and spend many hours looking through posts old and new alike. I am a current JW, born into it, and lets just say I'm in my thirties, female, and a mom of more than your average kids. I hesitate giving too much information, but then I don't really care if I'm DF'd, really. I started engaging in "wrongdoing" lol, have horrible pain and knew that a certain substance would lessen the discomfort (and I was right) and also knew that by deciding to do that, if anyone found out I'd be DF'd, and it just seemed so obsurd. Then I found out a person in my hall was suffering from some residual effects of being molested, and I started to reflect back on the past, my life and others, and I felt like a lightbulb went off in my head. I felt such tremendous guilt for even thinking those things, and was downright terrified to put in EX Jehovah's Witnesses in a seach bar. Of course we are all taught that the only information that's not apostate, or Satanic is from the WT itself. Go to the WT itself and it's rinse and repeat, same ole info. Wait on Jehovah, forgive and don't hold grudges. Don't ask too many questions. I've just had enough.

    I've had Committees formed for three separate matters within the last 5 years, and each and every time they blundered the hell out of it, and I was just appalled. Of course they all say that they are just imperfect men, and how Jehovah will fix it, etc....but that's not good enough. How insulting to the Most Powerful Jehovah that he would just have to sit back, hands tied, and unable right now to protect his name, his people. How can they make him out to be so formidable, and so always present, and then in the same breath make him seem like an incapable imbecile that needs imperfect people to exact his rulings and judgements.

    I was DF'd once before, and was interrogated as far back as when I was a teen on my "history of sexuality" and sinning against Jehovah. Never mention the fact that possible I was so willing to engage in those things because of molestation in the household? Nah, it's my fault. I should have had better control over myself.

    I had a meeting with the BOE and was told that even though there WERE two witnesses to some jackass pervert brother that there was little they could do. They said if I persisted in talking about this instance (there were over 5 instances actually, and a LOT of him leering and generally making us all uncomfortable) that my attitude could result in my being disfellowshipped. I doubt the "brother" was threatened that because before it was all said and done he was given free leeway for at least 7 months before the committee met, he was allowed to cousel US from the bible during one of these meetings...seriously, he was allowed to quote scripture about how Jesus always drew the little children to him, and compared that to touching my child! He eventually skittered away to some unsuspecting congregation before it was a matter of record. Poor them, I consider that to be of my major regrets. I was overwhelmed with lifes responsibilities and so wanted to be the one right in the eyes of Jehovah, I should have fought harder to ensure it, but it was so difficult to downright impossible. I hope he's not harming any little children.

    The last instance is too personal, and I feel like I've said too much already.

    I had a dream where my husband who is more in the camp of "I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to go back, I can't believe those hypocrites etc, but I don't want to dog the Org or JAH" asked me, in this dream, so what concrete evidence do you have that it's NOT the truth, or the org doesn't have it right...and he pulled the biggie in real life...well WHO IS his people then?

    I don't want to sound like a loon and start quoting things from years ago, or information that isn't on the up and up...but I feel like I need to make a defense for myself more than it just feels wrong. Any help?

    Daughter of two JWs, sister of JWs, married to a JW, inlaws are all JWs, extended family JWs....I have no one in the world, and about to lose everyone in "the truth". Scared and lost feeling, but also so very calm and peaceful at the same time.

  • poppers
    poppers

    I just want to welcome you to the board. I've never been a dub, but I feel for you. This is a good place for you to come to for advice and insight by people who understand where you are coming from. If nothing else you can vent here and not be judged for it. poppers

  • Heartbreaker
    Heartbreaker

    Thank you poppers. What's the draw in being here if you've never been a JW I wonder?

  • leavingwt
    leavingwt

    Welcome to the forum.

  • poppers
    poppers

    I came here after a 4th grade girl asked me if she could distribute a pamphlet to her classmates. When I saw what they were I had to say no, but I was intrigued by what could motivate one so young to do such a thing. With a few keystrokes I found this place and was immediately captivated by the stories I found and consequently came to sympathize with the people who were sharing such heartbreaking stories and made some friends along the way. This is an amazing place with many interesting, funny, provocative, and insightful people so it's hard to walk away from it even though I have no connection with JWs in my life. I know you will benefit greatly from being here. Peace.

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    Welcome Heart.

    Some people walk into a therapist' office not knowing just what to say, how to begin, where to start the process. The therapy here is just as onionlike in many respects, at least it was for me. Perhaps it will be for you also.

    I am glad you typed Jehovah's Witnesses into that engine and began the journey. You are not alone. Many of us have lost dear family in the quagmire of the religion. It is not easy. It is not what we wish to do. But it is what we MUST DO, this time for ourselves. We needed to know. You do also.

    Thanx for posting. Thanx for being courageous enough to do this. This journey will be like nothing you have ever done.

    Namaste

    Jeff

  • Heartbreaker
    Heartbreaker

    Thank you Leaving, and Jeff for your welcoming posts :) I will continue to read here, and look for things that confirm what I feel itching inside. I haven't even begun to tell my story, and still am here in cloak and dagger because of my husband. He doesn't want me looking at anything, for him walking away is good enough. I need information and confirmation. Validation. I'm realizing now that the only one that can validate me in my thinking is myself.

    PS. I haven't prayed in 2 years. I just can't, it feels canned, fake, and unheard. Anyone else have this feeling?

  • jamiebowers
    jamiebowers

    WOW! This is your initial post! I can hardly wait to read what you write next! Btw, if you know the name of the congrgation that Brother Pervert now attends, you can report it anonymously at silentlams.org. They won't use the guy's name since he hasn't been convicted, but at least the congregation name will be on a list for the whole world to see that a sex offender is a part of it.

  • Heartbreaker
    Heartbreaker

    You know Jamie, I have no idea where he moved to, I was literally SICK after I found they moved. They were the type to have kids parties, and always wanted to "babysit" etc for people in the hall...they had no children. I wish I knew. I do however know that in the 7-8 surrounding congregations at least one person in each hall that was molested by a member of the hall. Part of the reason my husband is so willing to be done with it all is I recently started having strange flashbacks, and such, remembering my past....so I started retelling some of my story, and my best friends stories etc, and he was just furious and sick at it all. Said he has no desire to be around sickos like that. I just wonder what rock HE lived under? I thought everyone knew stuff like this from the halls, and just didn't talk about it. Sounds just like a victimized person, doesn't it?

  • Cadellin
    Cadellin

    Heartbreaker: Welcome to reality. You are not alone, nor are you crazy. In fact, you are probably more right than you know. But it's super scary when everyone in your fam is super theocratic. I'm in the same boat, and you'll find lots of others here who can share your whole range of feelings and experiences in one way or another.

    I find that question, "Well, who are his real people then?" kind of odd, because it implies that if you eliminate every other religion, JWs win by default. But a default win is no win at all and it certainly isn't how an almighty God would go about his business, IMHO. And once you scratch the surface of the WT organization, there are many many discomfiting things to discover. Besides, who's to say that God has to have "one people"? This is a JW perspective firmly based on organizationally bureaucratic underpinnings.

    You sound like you are in incredible pain. Have you considered finding a (good) therapist? Chemical/alcoholic painblotting is only going to do you harm, as you are probably aware, and professional counselling may be a good first step to dealing with what you are going through right now, as well as a help toward controlling what sounds like a damaging habit. You have kids, yes? They need you, the real you... And, being here is going to help. This is a good community. Welcome.

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