New here

by Heartbreaker 53 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Hope4Others

  Welcome Heart,

  this is the place to say how you feel about what your going through...

  I'm sure you will find lots of support and new friends....

  h4o
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  daniel-p

  Welcome to JWN, heartbreaker. Your story is, yes, heartbreaking, but all too common in this white-washed religion. What I came to realize long ago was that the elders in the congregation are no more capable of handling cases of molestation than your average person off the street. The Society has heaped arbitrary rules of procedure on to them in order to not make the religion look bad, at the expense of justice and love. So who, indeed, is "his faithful and discrete slave?" I can't say who is, but i can certainly say it isn't them.

  Knowing this is not the truth is reason enough not to support it. Our first gut reaction might be to seek some replacement, but know that it's not something that's going to really solve things.

  You have to survive the void of faith for a while in order to really know yourself and know who your God is.
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  AWAKE&WATCHING

  (((((((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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  GoddessRachel

  Dear Heartbreaker, great first post, welcome to the board, you are in the right place.

  I have no idea what I want to convey in words here on this site, and have surprised myself by even joining at all. I intended just to read, and get a few pieces of information, and now am a member, and spend many hours looking through posts old and new alike. I am a current JW, born into it, and lets just say I'm in my thirties, female, and a mom of more than your average kids. I hesitate giving too much information, but then I don't really care if I'm DF'd, really. I started engaging in "wrongdoing" lol, have horrible pain and knew that a certain substance would lessen the discomfort (and I was right) and also knew that by deciding to do that, if anyone found out I'd be DF'd, and it just seemed so obsurd. Then I found out a person in my hall was suffering from some residual effects of being molested, and I started to reflect back on the past, my life and others, and I felt like a lightbulb went off in my head. I felt such tremendous guilt for even thinking those things, and was downright terrified to put in EX Jehovah's Witnesses in a seach bar. Of course we are all taught that the only information that's not apostate, or Satanic is from the WT itself. Go to the WT itself and it's rinse and repeat, same ole info. Wait on Jehovah, forgive and don't hold grudges. Don't ask too many questions. I've just had enough.

  You didn't know what to say but then you found your words! You weren't going to join but you did! You realized that something the WT condemns as evil doesn't seem to be evil at all, but actually helps you lessen your pain! You used your own God-given faculty of thinking for yourself and concluded a JW teaching seems absurd! When you started adding up the not-quite-right things that have happened within the JW's they appeared to be the rule rather than the exceptions the JW's would have you believe. It feels good to have that lightbulb epiphany. You are tired of the same old useless "advice" that the JW's give you. Enough is enough.

  I've had Committees formed for three separate matters within the last 5 years, and each and every time they blundered the hell out of it, and I was just appalled. Of course they all say that they are just imperfect men, and how Jehovah will fix it, etc....but that's not good enough. How insulting to the Most Powerful Jehovah that he would just have to sit back, hands tied, and unable right now to protect his name, his people. How can they make him out to be so formidable, and so always present, and then in the same breath make him seem like an incapable imbecile that needs imperfect people to exact his rulings and judgements.

  You are disgusted by the terrible way "God's men" have handled things, and it seems too big a discrepancy to think that God would have men act on his behalf in such disreputable ways. It just doesn't make sense. Either God is an idiot or these men are lying, whether knowingly or not.

  I was DF'd once before, and was interrogated as far back as when I was a teen on my "history of sexuality" and sinning against Jehovah. Never mention the fact that possible I was so willing to engage in those things because of molestation in the household? Nah, it's my fault. I should have had better control over myself.

  You didn't feel the loving sheperding the Bible talks about. You feel as though you were unfairly blamed for things that happened, when what you needed most in that moment was mercy and compassion.

  I had a meeting with the BOE and was told that even though there WERE two witnesses to some jackass pervert brother that there was little they could do. They said if I persisted in talking about this instance (there were over 5 instances actually, and a LOT of him leering and generally making us all uncomfortable) that my attitude could result in my being disfellowshipped. I doubt the "brother" was threatened that because before it was all said and done he was given free leeway for at least 7 months before the committee met, he was allowed to cousel US from the bible during one of these meetings...seriously, he was allowed to quote scripture about how Jesus always drew the little children to him, and compared that to touching my child! He eventually skittered away to some unsuspecting congregation before it was a matter of record. Poor them, I consider that to be of my major regrets. I was overwhelmed with lifes responsibilities and so wanted to be the one right in the eyes of Jehovah, I should have fought harder to ensure it, but it was so difficult to downright impossible. I hope he's not harming any little children.

  You certainly cannot turn a blind eye to this gross injustice. You know Jehovah's People would not do such things.

  I had a dream where my husband who is more in the camp of "I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to go back, I can't believe those hypocrites etc, but I don't want to dog the Org or JAH" asked me, in this dream, so what concrete evidence do you have that it's NOT the truth, or the org doesn't have it right...and he pulled the biggie in real life...well WHO IS his people then?

  Your husband is very conflicted as well but is coping with it in an avoidance manner. He is still seeking though, asking you who his people are. So he is having doubts too.

  I don't want to sound like a loon and start quoting things from years ago, or information that isn't on the up and up...but I feel like I need to make a defense for myself more than it just feels wrong. Any help?

  You feel the need to have concrete proof that it is not the true religion. Have you read Raymond Franz's book Crisis of Conscience? It will concretely clear it up for you! He uses references and clear evidence. He is calm, logical and rational.

  Daughter of two JWs, sister of JWs, married to a JW, inlaws are all JWs, extended family JWs....I have no one in the world, and about to lose everyone in "the truth". Scared and lost feeling, but also so very calm and peaceful at the same time.

  You feel scared of what lies ahead, but calm and peaceful about what you are feeling inside. You know you are on to something big. You have no support system outside of the organization. Might I suggest something that will be powerful in helping you on this new journey? Make a few friends outside of the JW's. You will need that support system. You are a very intelligent person, able to think for yourself. The journey you are about to embark on is going to be tough, and it's also going to be the most liberating one you may have experienced in your whole life. Above all, remember that you are a wonderful human being, and that God gave you that marvelous brain and capacity to think for a reason!

  WELCOME!

  Rachel
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  oompa

  deep breath girl.........time will help, and ya.........i had those canned prayes for years.........so hollow..........after my wake up, i still did them at meals with jw wife.........i stopped a few months ago........she noticed but said nothing as we have a "no religion talk" rule...........anyhoo, my food still tastes the same.............you already have friends here, and thankfully most are very non-judgemental...........welcome!............oompa
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  Lady Liberty

  Dear Heartbreaker,

  (((HUGS)))!!!

  And welcome to the forum, we are so happy you are here. You will find many friends here who understand and no doubt many who have walked in simular shoes. Hang in there.

  Sincerely,

  Lady Liberty
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  palmtree67

  Hello and healing thoughts to you.

  From,
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  independent_tre

  Hi and Welcome!

  You are certainly on the right path to healing by coming here. I wish you all the best
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  Open mind

  "How can they make him out to be so formidable, and so always present, and then in the same breath make him seem like an incapable imbecile that needs imperfect people to exact his rulings and judgements."

  Good stuff Heartbreaker.

  Welcome to the forum.

  Give it a couple years and everything will be OK.

  om
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  BabaYaga

  Your story and your feelings are all too familiar to me, and to many more of us here.

  Welcome. We're glad you're here.

  Love,
  Baba.