New here

by Heartbreaker 53 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Heartbreaker

  Cantleave - I will consider adding to the Silent Lambs website with my story

  Sour Grapes - thanks for the welcome and I'm glad that you see now that it was just a power play, asking questions as an elder, and that you regret it.

  Poppers - yes, I can see why you are here, great people!

  Jeff - I don't feel I can bring anything into the house yet, as it is I "hide" on another screen name and erase footprints on the computer as it is. My husband told me he didn't care what I looked up, but didn't want me to do it in our home, or discuss things with devout haters of Jah and HIS ORG. I think he was just scared, but until we have another convo about it, I will honor the at least not talking about it, and not bringing in material about it. I wish the local bookstores would carry it, every day I could go there and read a chapter or three. All in good time though, thank you for the advice.

  WherewasI...looks like you are new here too....welcome new friend! I hope we both find what we need.

  Having addressed most all that responded to my post (if I missed anyone, I'm sorry...thank you for reading and responding!) I am asking another question here...mostly because I am trying to save my last few options to post, still on a limit ;)

  Question: So you've let go of the idea of being a JW...you think a lot of what you were taught was brainwashing/numbing repetitive OPINION, and you don't buy it. But you've never celebrated anything other than an anniversary, and can't imagine not feeling like the dog that returns to the vomit by starting doing so. How were you able to justify the switch to doing things as "the world" Specifically birthdays. My kids would really like me to come to terms with that one ;)
• 

  Heartbreaker

  Oh shoot, I missed a ton of people on page two! Rachel, thank you for hearing me...really hearing me, and validating what I wrote. It's so nice to not be judged, but rather listened too.

  Baba, I'm so sorry that your story is similiar to mine, heck anyones...I wish mine was a singular experience, but I'm finding it's more the norm, but we were all hushed. It's so very sad.

  Open Mind....years? Say it ain't so! :D

  Lady, Palm, Independant, AWAKE and Hope...thanks for the warm welcome and the hugs and encouragement. I sincerely appreciate it.

  Ooompa, I've read some things you've written, and was actually smiling really big when I read your response to me :) Yah! I struck it good with Ooompa! lol

  Daniel - Thank you for understanding that.....you are so correct in that the men put in those positions are so ill-equiped to handle ANY issues, and I feel bad for most of them that can admit that they are in over their heads most of the time as well. It's the pompous asses that think they are ABOVE all in the congregation that disgust me...do they need a redefinition of SERVANT? Anyway, I appreciate your kind words.
• 

  GoddessRachel

  Rachel, thank you for hearing me...really hearing me, and validating what I wrote. It's so nice to not be judged, but rather listened too.

  You're welcome, Heartbreaker, and thank you!

  Question: So you've let go of the idea of being a JW...you think a lot of what you were taught was brainwashing/numbing repetitive OPINION, and you don't buy it. But you've never celebrated anything other than an anniversary, and can't imagine not feeling like the dog that returns to the vomit by starting doing so. How were you able to justify the switch to doing things as "the world" Specifically birthdays. My kids would really like me to come to terms with that one ;)

  My advice to this question is this: TAKE YOUR TIME. Don't force yourself to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. Be kind to yourself. Understand that your feelings toward birthdays and holidays are valid, because of what you were taught as a Jehovah's Witness. But also, be open minded, and see them for what they are. This will take some time.

  When I first celebrated my birthday, I did it with my closest, dearest friends and it was very tame. It was exhilarating but also felt weird. Four years later it still feels weird, and the last few years I have celebrated privately with my boyfriend. Maybe just get a small gift for your kids for their birthdays, and have a small cake. It can be a very private affair. I believe the purpose of celebrating birthdays is to let our loved ones know we are glad they are alive and in our lives. Besides the argument for the beheading of John the Baptist, I've heard JW's say it puts too much emphasis on the Creation and not the Creator. I would argue that since we are made in God's image, it really does honor the Creator to celebrate His Creation. (Think about it this way: do you praise your children when they create something beautiful? Is it wrong to admire a pretty drawing or a piece of pottery; is that putting undue emphasis on the thing your child made instead of the child himself? You can see that line of reasoning is just silly when you put it that way.)

  I don't celebrate many of the holidays because it just seems very unnatural to me. I don't have anything against them, but I just do what feels right for me in the moment. I had a Christmas tree one year and I just loved it so much. It was so beautiful. But I don't feel the need to have one every year. Just do what makes you feel comfortable.

  It will take you some time, but you will begin to see birthdays and holidays for what they really are: opportunities to spend time with our loved ones (and spend money on them if you so wish).

  Hope that is helpful,

  Rachel
• 

  Heartbreaker

  Rachel I appreciate again you taking time to reply to me. I was beginning to wonder if anyone had a reply to that! I almost made it a new topic, but wasn't sure where it would belong. I need to use the site more and read around I think.

  As far as the birthdays and celebrations, it had come up that the first few days of school my youngest did take the cupcake and eat it, and said that they celebrated....and they will totally celebrate theirs too, but not at home. My husband asked some rather leading questions, which made our child feel as if the answer was the opposite of what they did, so it was wrong. So we talked about it, and the Bday IS coming up here and so I told him that I felt more comfortable looking it up and reasoning, scripturally, and then revisiting the discussion. He wanted to do it right then! So we did, and felt that it was a stretch, and mans opinion to NOT celebrate, but it still felt weird to say that the kids, or we, will or should. I then asked him what it would hurt to let them do what they want, and not make our upbringing be their choice, and when they are older they can decide. What is the harm?

  Why hold on to one thing, and not all the teachings?

  Is there anyone here that kept "seperate from the world" concerning things, and yet didn't still suscribe to the way of the WT? I feel like if we aren't doing ALL of it, and that's truly wrong, then heck, why say no or limit. My husband says he doesn't feel ready to take that leap. I understand, but I'm always wanting all the discussion and decision and finality sooner rather than later type person ;)
• 

  GoddessRachel

  I know just how you feel, Heartbreaker, my boyfriend is very fond of saying to me, "Patience is a virtue." Yeah, yeah, yeah.

  I say don't push your husband, or rather don't push him past his limit, which only you know what that is. It sounds like you are handling it well.

  You could start a new thread anyway, since people might think this is still your welcome thread and you are touching on some new things now. Click "Home" at the top of the page underneath the "Active Topics" button to see all the categories, and then choose the one that fits the best.

  I'm fond of the "Private" category so that only members can read it. But if you browse for a minute or two you will see what your options are for categories. There are lots of them.

  Rachel
• 

  Lieu

  Welcome Heart!

  I'm certain you will find others here, with similar circumstances, who can help you think over your situation.

  Remember: We regret decisions which others make for us, so whatever happens, you decide on what course to take.

  Agape.

  PS. Try not to get caught by any LEOs with that happy shrubbery, please.
• 

  outofthebox

  Welcome to the Real World!
• 

  freedomisntfree

  welcome and were glad to have you!

  I see alot of people here have recomended what a great therapy this site can be but also if you have been molested and being raised jw changes you.Pursue cognitive behavioral therapy you will learn and how to think and react differently to things it may help you greatly as it has helped me.
• 

  etna

  Hi heartbreaker, I haven't relly told my story either, but it helps reading all the others and they are all similar, its nice to know I am not the odd one out. All on hear really try and help and do so with no gain for themselves.

  etna
• 

  allelsefails

  Welcome Heartbreaker. This is definitely a place where you can be yourself. I think with your questions you have started on the path to Christian Freedom. If you feel Birthdas are wrong - you shouldn't celebrate them. If you feel Easter is wrong - ditto. Christams, Independance day, thanksgiving, etc..... It should have always been your decision. (Rom 14) NO Man or group of men should ever influence these decisions. It is like the Governing Body has never read the scriptures sometimes. How is smoking (even tobacco :) a disfellowshipping offense but eating McDonald's NOT. I guarantee the same Bible principles apply to both. These Men have made themselves "Masters of our faith" which Jesus specifically condemned. Welcome to freedom! Allelsefails (if all elsefails try something that makes sense.)