Why Some People are Better Off in Cults

by Dogpatch 36 Replies latest jw friends

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  cantleave

  Cults are abusive to many people. But perhaps the victim may envision the new “family” as less abusive than the one trying to “get them out.”

  This is so true. My mother is a real example of this.She had an abusive, alcoholic mother and a violent upbringing. Her first husband (my father) was neglectful, unfaithful and emotional abused her by continuously belittling her in front of others. She felt that she was worthless, and that she had no where to turn. The message that was delivered by the JW's was one of hope, not just for her but also for 18month old son and her unborn baby (me). She found a new family. The organisation provided everything she wanted, and was in effect a surrogate parent to her. She was bitterly disappointed by the false promises of 1975, disturbed by changes in prophetic interpretation and she has been hurt by a number of individuals in the congregation, but these abuses are erased from her thoughts because they are less than the hurt she experienced from her biological parents and first husband.

  Her biggest fear is that her children will "leave Jehovah" because she really does believe that there is nothing else out there, the organisation provides the only hope for her and us. This mindset perpetuates the abuse cycle. Any doubts expressed by me result in her using emotional intimidation, "My life won't be worth living if you leave Jehovah, What would be the point of everlasting life if you aren't enjoying it with me?". .... "I must have been a trrible mother if I couldn't even inculcate the truth in your heart". This emotional blackmail is an effective type abuse to the 2nd generation JW, because it forces to stay in for the sake of your parent.

  Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble but I am writing as I think about the article - thanks for posting dogpatch.
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  Narkissos

  Good article.

  Sometimes the relationship between the literal and figurative "families" gets quite complex.

  My father and stepmother became JWs after two divorces, while they were trying to put together a new family with children from three different marriages. The result was the worst kind of "theocratic" micro-dictatorship you can imagine, which all children escaped as soon as they could: those who remained JWs (still one in today) just as those who left (or never fully joined).

  I started in the first category (left home the very day I turned 18, not for "the world" but to "pioneer"): the figurative JW "family" was a haven of peace and freedom to me when compared to the literal JW family. My stepsister (the one who is still in) left about the same age to marry a JW guy from a "normal" JW family.
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  Satanus

  Also, for many people in rough nieghborhoods, the gang is the family. Though the mortality rate for a gangbanger is higher than for the average person not in a gang, they still feel safer belonging to the gang.

  S
• 

  Dogpatch

  Baba Yaga says,

  But why do you think your counseling produces less atheists? Isn't that odd? If you don't mind me asking, Randy, what are your personal beliefs regarding a higher power?

  I have personally found that those who take the label of "atheist" often due so for political reasons, just my opinion. When they are mad, they say they're atheists, as that stance gives them more power and invulnerability. But even Dawkins doesn't necessarily consider himself a true atheist... it's more like, "Let's cut the bul$%^& and expose the Emperor with No Clothes. Because he takes this stance (and is even not as snotty as Penn and Teller -LOL), he is seen as God-hating. To most, atheist = god-hating. This is perceived (and often represents the truth) that the person does truly HATE the idea of the concept of a personal god. Emotion is present to enforce an absolute statement.

  Simply a stereotype, yes, but it's often right among ex-cult members. But to me it more implies a stance in an argument where you want the uper hand and are trying to avoid being put down.

  I did not say I produce less atheists. But most are preconditioned from an early age to be of a certain flavor, and if barriers are removed that prevent one from seeing the joys or value of such a family (like going back to the Baptist church or becoming Catholic now), my job has only been to reverse the nasty propaganda that has been instilled in their minds by the cult family, so they can be curious enough to start the process of figuring it all out again (if they so choose).

  Most converts to JWs seem to originally come from Christianland. Once freed of the negativity of looking at other matters of faith, they settle, not on what is most "factual" or logical, or Islam or Shintoism, but what is the best "family" for them.

  I can sense that happening in the end of the intervention, and use select passages from the Bible that focus on the freedom of Christ from Galatians and Romans. More often that not, there was an amazing transformation that most onlookers would consider "born again." Oddly enough, it is the first time during the entire process of the intervention that I am NOT feeling in control, what some would call the power of the Holy Spirit. I suppose it could be interpreted other ways, but I'm a romantic, with a Baptist background. I still say it was NOT my intent to convert them! :-))

  I personally profess faith in the early and Risen Christ, no other creed.

  Freeminds.org has no religious affiliation, however, and we have many happy and well-adjusted atheists on board. They are the surly and mean ones. HAHAHAHAHAHA

  Randy
• 

  Dogpatch

  straightshooter said,

  Before I became a JW, I thought no way I would ever become a JW. After I became a JW, I thought there is no way that I would ever leave the "truth". Now it still baffles me why I stayed and defended the JW for so long.

  It was like when I once said, "Of all the places in the world, I would NEVER live in New York City." I stayed six years, it was fun at the time.

  We just CAN't IMAGINE our enjoying life in another state of mind or location. Probably because we never have tried it. :-))

  Randy
• 

  Dogpatch

  Satanus says,

  Also, for many people in rough nieghborhoods, the gang is the family. Though the mortality rate for a gangbanger is higher than for the average person not in a gang, they still feel safer belonging to the gang.

  SO TRUE. You either have a functioning family among the gang, or a more disfunctional one (in your mind) at home. Gangs do have loyalty, one of the more powerful primal draws to family. In men that alone can be 95% of it. Kind of like the solidarity in the military.

  One of my roommates is a public defender for felony/murder cases in Compton. We have had long discussions about this subject, and of course we have long experience with the bruthas anyway around here an in New York and Florida.
• 

  Spook

  Yes,

  Those who JOIN cults are much different than those who are raised in them. Many who leave have a strong element of "wanting to be left alone" rather than "wanting to belong."

  Nobody joins by studying. They join by coming to the Kingdom Hall and experiencing the controlled the community.
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  BabaYaga

  Thank you so very much for your reply, Dear Randy! You said:

  I have personally found that those who take the label of "atheist" often due so for political reasons, just my opinion. When they are mad, they say they're atheists, as that stance gives them more power and invulnerability. But even Dawkins doesn't necessarily consider himself a true atheist...

  At the risk of being flamed, I completely agree! It seems to me that:

  • It is far more "hip" to be an atheist or an agnostic than to have faith in something... not to believe in a higher power seems to be an intellectual prerequisite

  and...

  • It is just as impossible to prove that god does NOT exist as it is to prove one does; thus a hard-core atheist is a fundamentalist in his own way... a fundamentalist nay-sayer.

  Personally, I have very odd ideas about the creator and the presence of beneficial spirit. It took a lot of unlearning and exploring. The exploring is the best part.

  Thank you for all you do.
• 

  leavingwt

  Nobody joins by studying. They join by coming to the Kingdom Hall and experiencing the controlled the community.

  As Steve Hassan says, "Nobody joins a cult. They're recruitedinto one." (As with most cults, the JW recruitment process involves lots of deception.)
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  Butterflyleia85

  I enjoyed this article. I right now have related JW religion as another form of religion... like a diet from many diets... to help ppl lose weight might not be the safest way but it works for them.