Hello Everyone!
This is my first time posting. I haven't had the courage to share my story yet, but the more I read on here, the more confident I feel about opening up..Very briefly, I was raised in "the truth"..Df'd at 20, reinstated at 22, df'd again at 24. 10 years later, I am mostly at a peaceful place within myself as concerns my relationship with God. I still struggle with missing old friends and family but I find as time goes by, there are so many that are still witnesses that have reached out to me or haven't completely "shunned" me. This is where my confusion is. This weekend, I am attending the funeral of a very dear man that was like a father to me growing up. Our families have very long and close-knit history and even though I have not seen them in awhile, they have always welcomed me and shown me losts of love. My mother asked me today if I wanted to sit with her and the rest of my family during the service and it threw me off a little. Then I realized that as a df'd person, I would be relegated to the back where all of the other "sinners" are. (which, after I thought about it sounded better because they are more fun anyway.)I have been removed for so long that I am not sure what the protocol for df'd people is regarding this type of event. I know that this family is active as witnesses, however, they keep in close contact with people that are not only df'd but gay..which to most witnesses might as well be the devil incarnate. So, I am a little unsure of what my conduct should be at this function. Is it appropriate for me to hug members of the family? Do I just go in the back, sit there til it's over and qiuetly exit?? I don't know. The fact that I even have to think about they way I might be treated is so foreign to me, as I have purposely done everything I can to not put myself in a situation where I might be rejected by people that I love. ( nevertheless, at times it has happened and it never gets easier) Should I expect that this family will keep their distance at the KH? The whole thing is emotionally gut-wrenching in the first place to not only lose someone so dear to me in such an unexpected and tragic way, and then to have to face the turmoil of putting myself back into a situation I so fervently try to avoid. Any help, advice, anything would be great..and THANK YOU FOR BEING SO WELCOMING AND PROVIDING A WONDERFUL PLACE TO FIND SOLACE IN.. Also, if someone could tell me how to change my name on this thing, that would be great..I didn't think kl2009 was going to stick