ethical consequences of faking reinstatement...

by drew sagan 52 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  besty

  I would take a harder line with the MIL.

  She is part of an organization that promotes the breakup of families,and worse, and tacitly supports those policies by remaining a member.

  You have been a victim in a high control situation before and value your freedom. Respectively ask her to cease pressuring your wife to return, and to consider her own position instead.

  In the meantime ask her if she is willing to consider evidence that the WTS is not who it claims to be? - Captives Of A Concept.

  "Don't join the book burners. Do not think you are going to conceal thoughts by concealing evidence that they ever existed." D Eisenhower - ex JW :-)
• 

  JWoods

  I don't like the idea. You and the wife already have the high road, why squander it?

  This is matches and gasoline. It is almost guaranteed to blow up in someones face sooner or later.
• 

  moshe

  Why would any person with a shred of moral honesty want to participate in a manipulative hoax like that? Let the chips fall where they may when it comes to JW relatives shunning ex-JWs. Would you love a politician who dupes his constituents? As JWoods said, Take the high road and get on with your life. There are some things in life that can't be fixed and we just have to accept it.
• 

  rebel8

  I wouldn't recommend it, any more than I'd recommend a person rejoin the KKK just to appease the family or whatever.

  To be subjected to the crazy mind control, hateful authoritarian social structure, and to be publicly identified as a member....soooo not worth any relationship it may save.
• 

  yellow

  I agree with rebel8 DONT DO IT definately not worth it. If you can live with a lie then fine go ahead. When I found out the truth about the lie and the blinkers fell off going to meetings was absolutely mental torture. I was putting on a facade and felt like screaming I knew that I had to go or would have had a spell in the funny farm.
• 

  Scully

  Think for a moment about what this "compromise" entails.

  1) Your wife will be deceiving her sibling, and colluding with their parents to undertake this deception. I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of such a deception, and I doubt that many people would, regardless of the more noble intentions (keeping family together) behind it.

  2) By giving in to the sibling's demands for reinstatement in order to have a relationship, the sibling and his/her unreasonable demands are being satisfied. This will open the door to further unreasonable demands, requiring more and more acquiescence from your wife. It will be like negotiating with a terrorist, with the relationship always being threatened unless your wife complies with their demands, never the other way around. Does she really want to be subjected to that kind of controlling behaviour? Does she really want a relationship where her sibling always gets what they want, and she has to go along with it if she wants to continue having a relationship with them?

  Suppose this wasn't about the JWs. Suppose her relatives converted to Islam. Suppose they said they would no longer eat pork. That's fine, they don't serve you pork in their home and you courteously offered them something else when they are guests in your home. But what if things started getting more extreme? What if they expected your wife to cover her head when she visited their house? What if they expected her to cover her head when they came to visit your house? What if they then expected her to cover her head when she was out in public with them? What if they expected her to cover her head in public all the time, and in the privacy of your own home all the time?

  This sense of the "believers" feeling they have the right to be accommodated at every turn, and to pressure conformity to their extreme standards and disregard the standards and fundamental rights and freedoms of other people is completely unreasonable. Why anyone would cater or pander to these control freaks is beyond me.
• 

  AllTimeJeff

  Drew, I apologize for missing the point of this thread initially. For what this is worth, I agree with those who said that to go back to give other family members a "comfortable" relationship would be a mistake for your wife.

  I appreciate Scully's observation. Where does it stop?

  Lastly, it is a deception. Everyone involved will be engaged in an act of purposeful, intellectual dishonesty to fool someone who has yet to be intellectually honest with herself and others. What would happen if/when the sister finds out she is in a cult?

  Short term, it sounds good, but there is nothing but rot for consequences....
• 

  PopeOfEruke

  To me this just highlights the basis of the whole JW lifestyle - carefully hide what you really are as a person, and pretend to be something different to please others.

  Of course the parents can promote it as a solution because as JW's this is the way they have lived their own lives. It's a life of deception.

  But it's a tough call.

  Personally I would never give back my new found freedom, I would just take the risk that the JW relative softens in time and the relationship survives somehow.

  Pope
• 

  Rabbit

  I certainly can't tell y'all what to do...there are so many different variables and issues for each person.

  I lost my JW mom over the blood issue, then, my JW marriage, JW children & of course all JW friends and relatives.

  JW beliefs murdered my mom and destroyed my family...why-why-why...would I ever 're-join' a group like that ?

  I agree with the "What if...? people here:

  What if: She (and you?) are expected out-in-service ? Attend meetings ? Assemblies ? Get-togethers ? Will you both have to start using 'JW-Speak' ? If you or she get sick...are y'all ready to deal with the Elders Hospital Liaison Committee ? What about any holidays you approve of now ? What about your privacy and independence ? Will the elder notice ? How long til y'all get DF ? Can/will any of those things happen ?

  You already know the answers my friend, as the song says, "...they're blowin' in the wind."

  Please be careful whatever you decide. Don't get too close to that WT Black Hole. We all got suckered once...

  ~Rabbit
• 

  oldflame

  I know someone who did this and let me tell you it is hell. It really is hard to decide which of the two are the greater evils especially having to live a lie when the person is not normally a dishonest person. Those that are in who are also working the fake plan will eventually want you to step up and begin doing more in other words expect you to really be one rather than a fake one. It is not an easy task and one I prefer not to take. Think hard and discuss it with the two of you. and talk about it more than once.