I need answers to so MANY questions.....

Confuzzled

Hi. I guess this is the place to get some objective answers, so here goes!

I’m a lapsed Episcopalian, I go to Mass occasionally, but my views on God and life are based on my very laid back religion. I’m not an expert on it, but being an Epicopalian in my point of view means, “Do good, don’t be mean, love everybody, read your Bible, discuss, question, meditate, think, think, think, your relationship with the Lord is your private business, don’t judge because who are you to know the mind of God, ask to be forgiven, take communion, go and sin no more.” Also growing up within my own religion, one of the things I loved the most was the feeling that we didn’t believe that the Lord was as angry or not understanding as other religions (or at least the impression that I always got, remember I am no expert in the tenants of being an Episcopalian), and that the Bible was pretty cut and dry. It doesn’t take a genius or a degree in Theology to get the basic gist of what to do, what not to do, if you don’t follow those fairly simple rules on life, there will be consquences.

The man I love is what I would describe at a “lapse Jehovah’s Witness”, although he does not even consider himself worthy of the title of JW (I hope that it is not a sign of disrespect, but I’m shortening it JW for time’s sake!). His mother is one, and all his views on God are based on those beliefs. He is older, settling down, and has picked up his Bible again, and the arguments have started. He wants to be with a woman who will follow him into this whole heartedly, and every fiber of my being is screaming “NO!”.

At one point, my desire was to be an Anthropologist, so originally when this first came up, I decided to do some research. So naturally, I went to trusty Google. I typed in JW’s, and all I got was Cult this, sexual abuse, that, JW’s hit every single marker for being a cult……OK, I’ve heard that all my life, there was a Kingdom Hall near to where I grew up, and my parents always told me to tell the JW’s politely that came to the door “I’m sorry, but we are not in the market for a new religion, have a nice day.” They were a cult, I’ve always known that. So I looked more into it and it frankly, made me angry. These uneducated (or men with little to no knowledge) twisted the Bible to their own means. They, in my mind, rejected My Jesus, my Cross, My Bible, and some of the simplest tenants of the foundations of basically every Christian faith. You can’t interpret the Bible with out the help of a magazine?? Where did they get the idea of Jesus being Michael the Arch-Angel?? How many times can you change doctorines? Ok , so God, they thought lived in the Pleilades star system, but now they don’t believe that! Where did they get that in the first place? They name Jehovah was inserted over 200 times in the new Testament in places it didn’t even translate too. BTW why does your Bible sound like mine, but very disjointed and fragmented in places? Is it true the 144,000 are not Jewish people, but a select few (when I asked the man I’m seeing how they pick the “anointed ones, his response was, “Oh, they just know. I’ve met a few, they are unbelievable people). If they are so good and blessed among other men, why did one of the Governing Body get charged with sexual misconduct Theocratic Warfare, how can you justify that? ???????!!!!!??????

Over angry tears, I argue almost every night. He says he doesn’t have the answers, wants me to talk to somebody who can answer my questions, but my Father does not want them in the house (he goes to church every Sunday), then said he would give them my number, I said don’t you dare. I asked him to take me to church with him, he said no, people would think we were engaged, I could go with his mother (who I haven’t met yet) and I said no, I will only go with him. He said he will make arrangements to take me to a Kingdom Hall in my area, to talk to someone who has answers for me, but the critical articles of the faith say that such questions like I have will be taken in offense or not answered, or be subject to “Theocratic Warfare”. I need hardcore answers before I decide to change my life.

I don’t know……So much of it seems like brain-washing. Now do not get me wrong, I have great respect for these clean living, Bible studying, church attending people. But then the illogical aspects of it just leave me confused. I’m sorry my first post was so rambling and poorly conceived LOL! I’m hoping coming here will help me understand better! I know I haven’t exactly formed a specific question, but I guess what I really want to know in the short term is, do you think I’ll get any answers or will I get blown off?

asilentone

Welcome to the board!, but I hope that you are not angel eyes that tricked us earlier this month.

DJK

The only question you need to concern yourself with is this. Will you eventually marry this man who is in my opinion a JW already? NO!

dgp

Welcome to the forum. I don't believe in fate, but it's a happy coincidence that you're being greeted by someone who's been in a situation very similar to yours. I am not a JW either, and I can relate to what you're feeling. And, you're an Episcopalian, so you're a light and vegetarian version of me, a Catholic.

I think you need to be patient, first and foremost. You're feeling the same overload we usually feel when we do our research. Be PATIENT. Give yourself a break and take time to do your own research.

Take it easy with the man. Don't accept being pushed into things you don't understand or fully share.

The good side of this conflict of yours will be the deep thinking you'll have to do. You will question your faith, your lifestyle, everything. And, if you do it on your own, without anyone from outside meddling, you'll come out a better person.

People with the best intentions will tell you that you have to run away from him, as soon as possible. I know it's not that easy.

This forum will answer lots of your questions. What you will see here is the way that real people have been hurt. Take your time to understand that these people here, like those people out there knocking at your door, are indeed your brothers and sisters. Some of them have been fortunate to escape and regain control of themselves; others are not so lucky. Some will never get out. And some other people, like you and me, will find themselves in a deep problem because of their love for a JW. I think we can all help everyone else.

Take your time. I think you and I will be having very good conversations.

dgp

Ah, and if you're Angel Eyes or someone like her, I will know.

Saoirse

but I guess what I really want to know in the short term is, do you think I’ll get any answers or will I get blown off?

Welcome. I think you already know the answer to that. You say that you know they are a cult. Would you expect the member of any cult to give you a straight answer? And why would you want answers from a cult member anyway?

I think (and forgive if I'm wrong) what you're trying to do is justify this relationship in your mind. Lapsed or not, he still believes in the JW teachings. And lapsed or not, you still believe in your Christian upbringing. Since you know the JWs are cult, you should know that they are not Christian. Dating someone with a completely different belief system will inevitably lead to disaster. That's why the bible says at 2 Cor 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

I hate to sound like I'm lecturing you or anything but you sound like a nice girl and I really want to spare you future heartache. This board is full of stories of people whose marriage or relationship with a JW as ended tragically. It breaks my heart every time I read one of those posts. You might want to spend some time reading the board and see if you really want to continue a relationship with someone who shares those beliefs.

Confuzzled

No, I'm just some girl from Jesey who is not getting any straight answers from the one JW I know, other then a girl who was raised JW and is now an Agnostic, and another woman who got disfellowshipped because she had a child out of wedlock, after 25 years of faithful service, who wouldn't tell me anything other then "My own mother won't see me or my son, what do you think I'm going to tell you?"

Yes this is someone who I would consider marrying. He wants so badly to be good and humble, and does everything for everybody. This is the one glaring aspect that drives a wedge between us.

DJK

I asked him to take me to church with him, he said no, people would think we were engaged

This guy is transparent. If he cared about YOU, he wouldn't care what other people think. There's probably some JW chicky there that makes him want to appear totally single.

Saoirse

This guy is transparent. If he cared about YOU, he wouldn't care what other people think. There's probably some JW chicky there that makes him want to appear totally single.

Agree 110%!

Why in the world would you consider marrying someone who already won't give you any straight answers??? Marriage only compounds existing problems. Not only would you be hurting yourself but you'd also be hurting any future children you may have. How do you think those kids will feel when they see their parents fighting over meeting attendance or whether to celebrate Christmas or not? What if he insists on taking your children to the Kingdom Hall? He may be lapsed now but if he still believes he WILL go back. Get out now while you still can and don't date any more JWs.

Black Sheep

Hi Confuzzled. Welcome to the forum.

I have said this to many in your position and I'll say it again for you....

Until such time as he fully understands that he has been under the influence of a high control cult ..... he is damaged goods and is not marriageable material.

I am allowed to say that because I was that person when I married my Anglican wife.

Now I am out of the cult and she and our children are the victims.

Cheers

Chris

I need answers to so MANY questions.....

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