Planted a seed today... Update on de-program of my 16 year old son

by Aussie Oz 63 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  Aussie Oz

  New update 2 Jan 2010.

  Had a talk with the kids today about pedophiles.

  I asked them if they know what a pedophile is. My daughter volunteered that 'it is someone who likes to look at pictures of children with no cloths on'. This is, it turned out, the ONLY information either of them had EVER been given. My 16 old son said he just kinda figured it out himself.

  So, a somewhat embarresed father explained to his kids about being touched in lets say, 'inapropriate places' . (I was quite specific) Further, that very often it was a crime done by people who have gained your trust as opposed to a total stranger. I also used the example of who do the police want to interveiw most when somebody has been murdered? The answer from them both was, the family. I asked them if they were aware of the Catholic church scandels about priests touching children etc, and indeed they were. So i went on to expalin that it was also something that can happen in the boy scouts, the life saving club, at dance lessons, even among the JW, or at school.

  I explained that just because somebody was at the meetings with them, that did not automaticaly make them a good person, however, not to go around looking sideways at every one either. To just be aware that in ANY organization where children are expected to trust grown ups, this sort of bad thing could happen, in fact even in the 'truth', it HAS happened.

  I also left them in no doubt as to what to do about it and who to tell if anybody tried to touch them, or even knew that somebody had tried. I left the discussion on the note that i felt i had to talk about thisbecause, i asked, how do you think i would feel if i did not do this, and then found out 10 years latter that they had been molested? It was my duty as a parent to make sure they were fully informed about crimes like this.

  This session was more about protecting them from hidden pedopjiles than turn them off the JW. But, i must say, i am really browned off with the serious lack of talking to kids about sex, pedophiles etc in that religion.

  Oz
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  Black Sheep

  Good on you mate. That sounded like a very effective way to approach it.

  Chris
• 

  nugget

  At least your son is a normal red blooded 16 year old. He doesn't seem to be riddled with guilt over non conforming thoughts so there is hope for him yet. Slow and steady is a good approach. Too much info and his eyes will glaze over. If you have a JW folder you suspect he is accessing start putting things in it that will be of interest to him. If he thinks he's found it for himself it will have more impact. Give the folders titles he can't resist to encourage him to open them.

  It's nice to see you are winning some ground.
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  lisavegas420

  I work with a woman (Not-JW related) that told me that when her father molested her, it wasn't until she talked to a school friend about it and found out not all dads did this to thier daughers..and the friend told her own mom..did the molestion stop.

  I'm only saying..tell them to tell you of any adults that do anything that they find questionable to them or any of their friends. That they can come to you with even the silliest or most embarassing questions.

  Especially if another adult or someone told them NOT to tell.

  lisa
• 

  Aussie Oz

  update:

  Have been leaving talking to the kids alone a bit the last month while waiting to go into mediation with the mother.

  Interesting but small things of note, the talk i had with my son about the internet being controlled by some govt and religious organizations has stayed in his mind... he commented on this when google was in the news recently over china.

  also today had a little talk to my just turned 13 daughter about university. See, she wants to be an artist. She said she would probably just do the school art subjects and see where life took her...(WARNING BELLS) I took the conversation back to pro education, even if it was not in the arts. How it was entirely possible that by the time she is 22 she could have a degree etc and still be young enough to do anything, that at that age, when her friends are managing McDonalds she could be managing an art gallery, working with museums, or be on her way to being a doctor, a lawyer.

  I told her that if she did not do that sort of thing it can be near impossible later, with marriage, mortgages, kids etc to go back and do it later. That she might think thats a long way off, but it is not really, 3 years more and i said you will 16 and doing year 11... it comes fast.

  she said she had not thought about it that way. I concluded by encouraging her to remember that she must not let ANYBODY hold her back from doing things like that in her life.

  small steps, small steps

  oz
• 

  yknot

  Your a great dad!

  Using the familiar WT technique of inculcation can work just as well to un-doctrinate as it is to indoctrinate!

  Keep talking, making small comments, and asking thought provoking questions!........
• 

  WuzLovesDubs

  You are doing great! I was a JW for 13 years and while in married and had my three kids. When they were 9, 6 and 2 I had had it with the lies and hypocrisy and control of this cult and DAd. And my husband was still in and even though he was totally uninterested and totally lacked any kind of enthusiasm for meetings or field service or even opening a magazine, he dug in his heels and became UBER JW just to spite me and tried to force the kids to go to meetings with him even though for 13 years he hardly lifted a finger to help with getting them TO meetings. He wanted the friends to feel sorry for poor Brother Wuz with the apostate wife you know? So over the years, since DAing in 97, I spoke to my children about NEVER thinking they were better than anyone else on the planet. NEVER look down their noses at someone elses beliefs. NEVER hold themselves above anyone else thinking they have some special position where God was concerned. But that all people are equal and loved equally and equally to be loved. And they learned just by observing the JWs in my family and by their father who the JWs REALLY are and have on their own decided to avoid this cult like the plague. He has told me that I "poisoned their minds against him and the JWs". As the kids got old enough to stand up to his constant religious browbeating they told him that I never had anything to do with their decisions with regards to their spiritual paths and that in fact his horrible behavior TOWARDS me was the biggest influence in their decision to stay away from any religion HE belonged to because it had obviously not had any good influence on his behavior. Ironic aint it? So much for inculcating your kids...inculcate them with hatred and intolerance and you will inculcate them right out of your life!

  Keep doing what you are doing...and never speak badly about mom. Im sure they get an earful about dad from her.
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  Aussie Oz

  Thankyou Yknot, what you said means alot as i was (and still am) constantly told what a bad dad i was (am)

  Wuz, i am beginning to see the same with the kids and their mother... i have never lied to them nor tried to poison them either, but they do see their mother lying to them and me...

  oz
• 

  GLTirebiter

  1 day each 2 weeks. Not enough and trying to get more.

  You don't need to tell me about that! I hope you can get a better visitation/parenting time schedule (whatever they call it in Australia). Kids need both their parents!

  GLT
• 

  Aussie Oz

  Update 27 feb 2010

  Got talking about money today. At 16 he has alredy saved a lot of money and bought his second car for some $3500. Praised his step father for teaching him about saving money and led it to how i never did. Talked about buying a block of land after his apprentichip is finished, and about investing, how the stock market works on a basic level, superanuation (is that the 401k to americans?) and realestate. Basically the diference of each one when it comes to returns.

  I said you have to plan for the future... i didnt because well, i was scared armageddon would come before i got my drivers licence! We lived like it was so close that we shouldn't go to university, shouldn't put into our super etc because we were never going to need it! And here i am now, no assetts at all and facing retirement in 15 or so years.

  I then said, actually that happened to a lot before 1975 as well, because the end was so close that some even sold homes and spent all the money pioneering, only to find that 35 years later they have almost nothing to retire on... in fact even back into the decades before that i told him they all thought the same.

  so son, i said, plan for 50 years time! the smart ones do because what if it still hasn't come by then? how will you provide for your wife and family?

  I was very careful to not give the impression that i though the JWs were wrong though. Just some seeds of doubt that may spring to live one day!

  oz

  Edit; oh, and another funny thing... the kids and i made guns today... we were going to work on the hotrod but we took the kids to my wifes sisters house for her mothers birthday... they has these wooden rubberband guns that the kids spent hours playing with. This morning they decided they wanted to make their own and thats what we did. One 'rifle' and one 'machine gun'. All steel, they did the cutting, grinding , i did the welding on my daughters as she was scared to and my son welded his.

  do ya think i should inroduce them to poker next? LOL!