Planted a seed today... Update on de-program of my 16 year old son (page 6)

penny2

Heartbreaking that if they got baptized, they wouldn't be able to see you anymore. But good that they don't like that idea.

Your kids are lucky to have you.

penny

My son chose to go home this saturday afternoon, thats ok, i fought for him to have a choice and i am glad to see him use it. Among the reasons were that he had mike duty at the meeting... i couldn't help myself and dropped a remark about looking down girls tops! He just went 'not with their dads next to them!'

Anyway, that gave my wife and i a whole extra day just with my daughter. On a drive into the country we had a discussion on choices, and in particular how important it was to make informed choices. She seemed to understand well the concept of needing information from many sources in order to do this.

We talked about things such as choices in career and marriage mate. Even at thirteen, i feel she is being groomed for the life of subserviant mother. She has switched from wanting to go to art school to being a child care worker (not that there is anything wrong with that!) I realize of course that at her age she will likely change her mind many times. But i want her to always know that she has choices! My wife is a classic example of a woman who is not in subjection to me, we used her example of independance both financial and emotional. Talked about how a couple does not need one to be the 'boss' or the 'head of the household', rather a couple are fully capable of making joint decisions, be together and still maintain thier own independance in so many ways.

I was able to use a sister of mine and myself as examples of people who grew up isolated from knowing anything about the world or life and thus didnt actually make a choice, rather did what we thought we were supposed to do. My sister actually got baptised so she could marry as she was taught that this was the only way a girl could leave home.

It was a lovely talk!

oz

penny2

Hope you had a nice drive in the country Aussie! Sounds like you are continuing to have good conversations with your kids and great that your daughter stayed with you rather than going home with her brother.

Many girls go through a stage of wanting to be child care workers and it's a pity it's so lowly paid.

penny

Hopscotch

Well done Aussie - so glad you are reaching your kids little by little. I'm sure those seeds you are planting will be remembered by your kids as they get older.

All the best

Hopscotch

Aussie Oz

Thankyou for the kind words,

We do have some good talks now. I am careful though to have some visits free from discussing stuff as i dont want them to feel that every time they come down it has to involve this sort of thing.

My daughter actually does not have the choice to go home if her older brother does. She stays for the full weekend, thats it. We did talk about how this set up will help her be better prepared for the time when he may choose not to visit at all some weekends.

It also was arranged this way to stop the ex wife from from limiting her time as she gets older, which has been a tactic of hers for many years.

oz

Scarred for life

Aussie, I think you're doing a good job. Perhaps you could suggest to your daughter that she could become a teacher. That would satisfy her desire to be around children but would require more education and creativity. It would also pay a lot more.

I remember very clearly being 13 and being a JW. It was becoming very clear to me that my role in life was to be a subservient wife and mother and there was no other path to take, no choices. I remember that I felt that I needed to start looking for a husband. And I didn't want just anybody. And there was no one in our congregation that appealed to me.

It wasn't very long after that that I started questioning the whole JW world. And a year or so down the road I rejected the whole thing.

This is a critical time for both your kids. Just keep doing what you're doing. They are listening. But they're listening to the JWs, too.

Black Sheep

If you want to bring your kids to NZ, we have plenty of room here now that my kids have left home and you will be most welcome and it won't cost you a penny for accomodation.

The Missus is a Dubbie and me an anti, but we work it out and you will all be safe with us.

Think about it. There have been some cheap deals lately. (I have some buddies where you are so I keep an eye on prices.)

Cheers

Chris

freeflyingfaerie

I just started reading this thread straight through, from the beginning (curious about any advice , as I am a mother)

I have to say that the way you are communicating w your kids is wonderful, they may express some of how they feel about you, but I would bet inside they are being deeply affected by the way you are respecting them as individuals and they probably feel so free and happy when they think of you, sensing that you love them unconditionally and for who they truly are....that is priceless, and you will see...they will always love you for it...

you are helping them to expand their minds, that wont be in vain

your're an inspiration!

Faerie

Scarred for life

I agree with freeflyingfaerie. I was never respected as an individual or felt that I was loved unconditionally or accepted for who I am by my parents but mostly my mother. What you are giving them is priceless and your whole family will reap the rewards.

You are helping them to expand their minds and their hearts and their spirits and their dreams.

Mad Sweeney

This is one of my favorite ongoing threads!

Planted a seed today... Update on de-program of my 16 year old son

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