My Wife is demanding that I stop coming to this board.

by garyneal 160 Replies latest social family

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  sooner7nc

  What you have here is a binary solution set. It's either/or, and as Tommyboy's dad said in the movie of the same name "There ain't no 3rd direction"

  You say you have a daughter. How old is she? Is she able to make informed decisions on her own? Do you love your daughter? Either you're in for decades of sorrow or a short period of discomfort so decide carefully what you want to do. Just remember this: Whatever love you feel for your wife now is miniscule compared to the future that stands before your daughter, so choose wisely because there is neither middle ground nor quarter given when dealing with the Tower.
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  moshe

  The elders are really cowards when it comes to a real fight with an unbelieving spouse- especially one who wields the club of a good attorney. No elder will willingly suffer personal financial hardship defending himself in court from and angry non-JW spouse. That first alienation of affection notice from a lawyer will get their attention. Document everything for court. It costs more to defend than to wage a legal battle. It is time to do battle or just accept being stepped on by the KH.
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  Gerard

  Her religion demands the posture she is displaying. She is expected to be more faithfull to the Watchtower rather than you, and she will. If you want her, take her out of it, but you may never achieve this. Buy Crisis of Conscience and and ask gently for a few months that she read it.
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  Bourne

  Gary, if you have already done this forgive me.

  I would first make sure that there are not other problems, not related to religion, before making a firm decision.

  While admittedly, the divided nature of your marriage is a definite source of contention, so often we sometimes are too quick

  to chalk most marital problems up to the religion factor, either in part or full.

  You may be totally right in your assessment.

  Just know what problem you're fighting.

  Bourne
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  wozza

  GARYNEAL

  Well she is scared of truth!

  As regards further education the society has no problem milking the rank and file for every ounce of what they can gain from their degrees at uni.

  eg knew a young sister of 19 who put off baptism till she was sure it was the path she wanted to go ,but ,in the meantime her JW parents let her do a degree in engineering. When she got baptised Australian bethel fast-tracked her to a position there in the ongoing construction at Sydney Bethel (well engineers are'nt cheap eh?).

  Of course she only had to do a short token period of pioneering to get in !! And when the extensions were finished guess who did'nt have a job any more ,but at least got a mate from the place and married.
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  dgp

  Billy the Ex-Bethelite, you have a point
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  loosie

  She compared my coming here to a drug addict getting his fix.

  I think that her going to the meetings is like a drug addict going three times a week to get her fix
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  Satanus

  A practicing jw is a bit like a crack addict. I did a thread on this - http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/101404/1/Being-a-jw-is-like-being-on-crack

  Here are some similarities, from the thread:

  1 Planned nonwt activities around wt (crack) activities

  2 Sacrificed talents, the future and opportunities for the wt (crack) cause

  3 Dedicated your life to the wt org

  4 Felt that without the wt belief you would be forfiet

  5 The jw lies to nonjw's who are not entitled to know the whole truth when he sees a threat to his org or belief (spiritual warfare) 5 The crack addict lies freely to secure his drug

  6) will abandon friends and family to be a jw 6) will abandon friends and family for crack

  7) will donate a lot of money over the years to support the source of "the truth "7) will donate a lot of money over the years to support his dealer

  S
• 

  GLTirebiter

  looking on a forum that's nothing to do with her is not disrespecting her.

  I agree, but I'm sure she won't. The WT identity is her identity, that's how high control groups work. If you do anything critical of the Witness Organization, in her eyes you are criticizing her. On the other hand, when she criticizes "this system", christendom, "the internet", and anything that matter to you--well, that's nothing personal the WT indoctrination speaking. That is how they program the rank and file to react (not think).

  Gary, act with love and also with integrity. This doesn't mean giving your wife her way all the time, often it means having the courage to say no (much like raising children). Giving in to unreasonable demands only leads to another round (as I learned myself, though too late). You can't respect her if you don't also respect yourself. Do this for your daughter, do this for your wife, as well as for yourself. The example you show can be a powerful antidote to WT stereotypes.

  There's no guarantee of how things will work out. Just be sure that whatever happens, you have acted as honestly and honorably as humanly possible.

  Wishing you the best in a tough situation,

  GLT
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  GLTirebiter

  Hopscotch said

  is there any possibility of you and your wife getting some couples counselling. .... Having an unbiased person assist with some negotiations and personal boundaries within your marriage may help.

  I agree, but the key is seeing an unbiased person. If your wife suggests getting counsel from the elders insist on seeing a trained, unbiased professional instead. See a counselor that both of you can trust. It's obvious from your post that the WT Society is a significant part of the rift between you. An elder providing counsel in this case would be a conflict of interest, no ethical counselor would accept a case they could even appear to be a party to. If she objects to that, well, that tells you how important your opinions and feelings are to her. You may need to see the counselor alone if that's the case.