My Wife is demanding that I stop coming to this board. (page 9)

garyneal

For anyone who can read this, Hiding Questioner posted an open HTML comment and it is preventing those who use IE to read everything after it on page four. I don't think Hiding Questioner posted the open HTML comment on his own and I think the system messed up somehow.

OnTheWayOut

Page 5 shows up. Just repeat anything of value that you want to comment on from page 4.
Otherwise, we'll get over it.

moshe

I think counseling is in order here. The value of going to counseling is it gets it all out in the open. It identifies what the abuse is, who is doing it and what needs to change. Of course, JW's don't fare too well in that arena. My JW wife just played me like a fiddle with the kids in the middle- The counselor got her to admit to herself she didn't love me ( actually disliked me) and she wanted to kick my ass out of her life. The counselor saved me a lot of grief in trying to keep our marriage together. The hardest thing for my ex to do was to look in the mirror and admit to herself that she wanted to get a divorce- well, it wasn't the end of the world- actually, it turned out for the better- for me anyway.

garyneal

There were a few comments of value that was hidden away on page four.

Thanks for the feedback, well for most of it, of course I did not appreciate the posters who called my wife a b****. The truth is, no one really knows her (or me) from the postings that I made. I try to be balanced but realize that it is my side.

In that vein, I will post some more information about her character as I can see it.

She's instrumental in helping out her sister during her hard times and when she just needs support. True, this is her sister but she does more for her than I've seen her own parents do. Her sister has often said not so nice things about the unhelpful comments she gets from her parents but I digress as I don't have the complete picture of all of that drama.
She's well loved and respected by the people she works with at the headstart program she works for. She works very hard ensuring that her classroom has everything it needs even when she's had to purchase the items herself.
She's often encouraged me to help people that we encounter having car trouble. Usually, unless it is something small like a battery jump or something of that nature, I tend to let it be.
She too, believe it or not, finds that some of the material in the children's books of bible stories published by the watchtower is questionable. Primarily the material concerning violence in the old testament. My daughter is inquisitive and asks why, why, why a whole lot and my wife had to evaluate why she was reading the material and then decided to put it aside.

This morning, as she and I were getting ready for work, she came back and told me that it was okay for me to continue coming here and that she could not stop me.

garyneal

Moshe,

You may be right. Sometimes I think the reasons why she treats me the way she does is because she does not truly love me but does not want a divorce either. Perhaps couple's counseling is in order.

BabaYaga

I'm so glad she calmed down a bit on the issue. I hope things go well.

Thanks for the update, Gary, and you are a sweetheart to write such lovely things about your wife. You shouldn't have felt the need to. The comments berating her in such crass fashion were grossly out of line... or at least beyond decency.

I wish you both all the best. This isn't a piece of cake no matter how you slice it.

Satanus

'This morning, as she and I were getting ready for work, she came back and told me that it was okay for me to continue coming here and that she could not stop me.'

This is wednesday. They usually have a meeting tuesday evenings. If she did, then, she may have been told that by some elder, whom she may be consulting. Even if that isn't the case, you aren't just dealing w your wife. It's very likely that there are elders advising her on how to deal w you.

S

cantleave

Good Luck Gary. She sounds a fantastic woman, you seem a great guy, I am positive you two will work this out.

HappyGuy

A JW who wants out of a marriage is in a HORRIBLE situation. I was in this situation. My wife didn't do anything wrong, I was the one who changed. Yet after 22 years of being brainwashed "Jehovah HATES a divorcing" (which the WTBTS makes sure msot JWs interpret as "Jehovah HATES those who divorce") the idea of getting a divorce put me in total agony emotionally.

So, what to do? I had to pretend for a long time that I wanted to stay married. Eventually the charade had to end and my ex and I are amicably divorced. But it put everyone through immense heartbreak.

A JW who is in a marriage that they don't want to be in is wracked with guilt and is in a situation with no solution. They can't divorce without God hating them. THey can't stay because they are not being true to their own self.

I think you need to ask your wife point blank if she has "advisors" (elders) who she is sharing private information with that really should be discussed between a husband and wife. I would do this in a kind way and try to find out who the "advisors" are and then go to them and read them the riot act. I would make it CRYSTAL clear that I view their advising my wife on marital issues as grounds for a civil suit and perhaps a criminal suit. And then I would lower my voice and say "and if you keep doing this anyway I am going to settle this issue man to man". The elders have no right to weasle around your headship by discussing your marriage with your wife.

garyneal

Tonight is her meeting night, she goes to school on Tuesday evenings.

I can tell you that when she gets around Jehovah's Witnesses, she changes and becomes someone I almost don't know. Last year, I wanted to do something special with her on New Year's Eve. So I set up the hotel room where we were going to stay and had planned on her and I hanging out, just the two of us, for most of the evening. I wanted to take her to the restaurant where I proposed to her at, and maybe find a New Year's Eve party somewhere where we could bring in the New Year.

New Year's Eve 2008 was on a Wednesday, her mom was going to the meeting that night. My wife, trying so hard to make herself look like a good little Jehovah's Witness in front of her mom, decided to blow my plans and go to the meeting. I was very very upset as she gave me no warning at all. She tried to make it seem alright by saying that we can still do things after the meeting but I was looking forward to being alone with her for the entire day. Then she asked me what my plans were and when I told her some of the plans she was like, "Well, if that is all we're going to do, I don't see where it should interfere with my meeting." It was hard to justify my position as I was surely being seen as someone who is trying to prevent her from serving Jehovah God. Therefore, all I could do was sulk.

She gets upset with me because I never plan anything special but the times when I do plan things she changes the plans or decides she'd rather do something else. I've given up trying to plan things for the two of us now.

My Wife is demanding that I stop coming to this board.

Share this