leec wrote:
It's disturbing that the product of being born and raised in such an organization can result in the member never learning how to define his own values. Is this what's going on here? Is this common? ... and ... is this a hallmark that the organization is a mind-control cult?
The answers are: yes, yes and yes.
After I left the Witlesses, (not born in, but in from 13-23) it took me many years to work out a set of values that felt right to me.. being able to reason, to define your values, and think for yourself are not skills one acquires as a JW. Nor does one develop any real relationship skills, and acquiring them is usually a painful process.
Cyberjesus, I don't know how old you are, or how long you've been out, but I'm willing to bet that you've never spent very long (as an adult) without being involved in a relationship, or actively seeking one. I'd suggest you need to take some time out from relationships (a year, at least) to get to know yourself, to think over your past relationships and analyse the mistakes you made, and to make a start on defining your own set of values. This is very hard (almost impossible) to do whilst in a relationship, as there are too many distractions and/or diversions preventing you from doing the necessary deep introspection and soul-searching work.
Until you really get to know yourself (as opposed to what the JW's told you that you were) and work out your own values, you will not be able to find the woman who is the right 'fit' for you. And yes, that process can take much more than one year. The end result is worth the effort though, I assure you.