A question about marriage in the organization

by dgp 35 Replies latest jw friends

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  dgp

  This post was motivated by another thread, namely

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/188552/1/Onereason-for-a-gentleman-fader-to-stay-reasonably-associated

  This thread makes reference to the fact that a 40 something brother has a real chance with twenty-something and less sisters. The original poster even said that marriages of this sort are not rare in the organization, and that sometimes parents even do whatever they can by way of prodding their children to marry this way.

  I'm not a witness, and a personal situation of mine, plus the statement above, made me wonder what can move the 40-something parents of a 19 year old wonderfully beautiful witness to approve a marriage between their daughter and a 40 something convert with a less than ideal past. This sounds like too much far-fetched, but it's not. I'm referring to a real situation. And, though no one can tell me what was on these people's minds, I hope someone can sort of suggest what elements of JW doctrine would result in approval of such a situation. I'm not a witness.

  I'm a 40 something man myself, and I would hate to see my beautiful virgin daughter marry a man my age. Maybe I'm too much of a conservative, but in my eyes she would be at serious disadvantage if she married a man twice her age, with many a shady experience behind him, and with the authority given him by the headship thing.

  I will appreciate any responses. Thank you guys in advance.
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  Mythbuster

  I don't know. I've read on here there is a shortage of men in the JWs. Maybe the ability to fog a mirror is all that's needed to be considered an acceptable and approved marriage mate.
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  snowbird

  I'm a 40 something man myself, and I would hate to see my beautiful virgin daughter marry a man my age. Maybe I'm too much of a conservative, but in my eyes she would be at serious disadvantage if she married a man twice her age, with many a shady experience behind him, and with the authority given him by the headship thing.

  I feel you.

  My pretty little college-educated JW daughter will turn 21 in June.

  If some old coot came a-callin,' I would grab a 2x4 and send him a-packin!'

  Bastards!

  Sylvia
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  Found Sheep

  I know of a few situations like that... 20 something going for the "new" older JW... there are a lot more men than woman so the men tend to get what they want... that of course is a major generalization but seems to be the trend...
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  AllTimeJeff

  *sigh*

  First of all, this does happen a lot. There are a lot of young sisters who want to hitch their wagons to an elder star and think of it as love. I can't help but think of my marriage to my ex. We both married each other WAY TO FREAKING YOUNG and we based that on the goals we thought we wanted at 17. And bigger then damn it, we actually reached them.

  Which killed our marriage.

  Ever notice that the best marriages in the borg are had by irregular/inactive ones? Because they actually devote their times to their families instead of the borg.

  Sadly, there are a lot of deluded sisters who think that a happy marriage results from getting a borg approved brother, instead of doing it the old fashioned way, falling in love with someone who loves you and who gets along with you and likes the same things you do.

  In this, the GB is absolutely culpable for the many bad marriages that exist among JW's.
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  Butterflyleia85

  I hope someone can sort of suggest what elements of JW doctrine would result in approval of such a situation.

  Two other things contribute to a successful marriage: Christian love and communication. When two people are enamored with each other, there is a tendency to ignore each other’s faults. The couple may enter marriage with exaggerated expectations, perhaps based on what they have read in romance novels or seen in movies. Eventually, however, the couple have to face reality. Then, minor faults or mildly irritating habits may become major problems. If that happens, Christians need to display the fruitage of the spirit, an aspect of which is love. (Galatians 5:22, 23)

  W 05 3/1 pp.13-14 par. 17

  So with realistic observation, most muture brothers that have experience or come past their fears(self image) are looked as a potental marriage option and usually are much older around there 30s. Given that most younger women especially spiritual focused women look now for the next step in life a good spiritual husband! This is incouraged and found as a beautiful thing for parents/grandparents to see their daughter marry a spiritually muture brother.

  The sad thing is with such a wide age difference it could definately cause problems.

  And yes it is true young women do give into marrying older men. I looked at this as grows but I also didn't feel it was right to judge... so I guess to best of luck to the poor young girls out there!

  Bluh... I too was pushed or was embarressed by my grandma and mom to look at this way way older guy at my hall just because he was so spiritual! Bluh It just made me feel like I was even more trapped.
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  DNCall

  The long-range belief in living forever on earth tends to mitigate concerns over age differences.

  F.
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  BluesBrother

  In my experience based on what I have seen over many years in the U K, such marriages are rare and are frowned upon. The last one with a big age gap that I knew of, had to marry outside in a Registry Office, The K Hall was refused.

  I am not saying that it cannot happen, but unwise marriages take place everywhere, all the time. The difference is that within the WTS, it is harder , if not impossible to get out and still remain in good standing
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  Magwitch

  It happens all too often for a variety of reasons

  1. A lot of witness parents will not let their daughters move out of the house until they are married. The young witness brothers cannot support you so they choose someone that can take care of them so they can get the hell out of their parents home

  2. Even if a witness girl can move out she usually has no education and no way of supporting herself, so the older man looks a little more appealing again.

  3. Witnesses have this illusion that if you marry someone very spiritual you will have a happier marriage (i.e. putting Jehovah 1st and receiving lots of blessings).

  This is a situation that infuriates me….This is what I posted on that original thread last week…..

  As the only parent to two gorgeous teenage girls (ages 17 & 18 who actively date), I would take a shotgun to any man they brought home that was more than a year or two older than them. It is infuriating to hear about these parents that allow (and even encourage) a relationship with a dirty old man. How is it any different than the parents in the Hebrew scriptures that sacrificed their children? Where are these parents' brains?
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  VIII

  Watching my 35 year-old mom try to date men her age and older was an eye-opening experience. Why? Because the young women who 17-23 were trying to date the same men.

  Why? Because the pickings are slim for single, eligble, semi-decent JW men. So, when a single woman is on the hunt, her radar goes up.

  If he is semi-good looking he is even more prized.

  My mom had been dating, seriously, a divorced JW who seemed on the verge of asking her to marry him. He was 37. She was 36 at the time. They had been dating for approximately 9 months and were the talk of the circuit. He was an MS and visited our congregation all the time. He was a Vietnam vet and very handsome. He was a business owner and was very well off. My mother was on Cloud 9. She was the envy of all the single (and some married) Sisters.

  Then Whammy!

  He dumped her and asked an 18 year-old to marry him!!!! A young sister who was one of my sisters friends and was one year older than my sister!!

  My Mother calls her a Whore to this day. That Whore S---- F-----.

  They got married at OUR KH and we were even invited. My mom went into a deep depression and didn't get out of bed for three months.

  So, why do young Sisters marry Older Brothers? Because they are a meal ticket. This Brother MS had dollars and she had virginity for sale. They both got what they wanted. Just like in Saudi Arabia.