A question about marriage in the organization

by dgp 35 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  cattails

  Some of the posts on this thread smart of age discrimination.

  I see nothing wrong for a man and woman, May-to-December or

  December-to-May for that matter, to get hitched if they are

  attracted to each other. There are lots of men in their 40's

  and 50's that I think would make any gal blush if they were

  asked out and were JWs. There are some who would look

  down on these relationships only because of some strange

  thought that marriage mates should be close in age. Should

  they also be of the same race? Should they also be of the

  same ethnic background? Give me a break!

  If there's love in a marriage let them be happy

  together and damn the torpedo headed nay-sayers!

  
• 

  leavingwt

  Some of the posts on this thread smart of age discrimination.

  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ageism

  Agreed. I've got more to worry about than ADULTS engaging in LAWFUL activities.

  What is the advantage of viewing all "40-year-old men" as being "dirty" or opportunistic?

  Think of the many ways in which a young woman could do worse. Like, a young husband that abuses her or a young husband without the life skills to be a good provider. Or, a young husband without the capacity for real committment.

  I think individual maturity, shared values and compatible personalities are more important than a specific difference in age.

  Just my two cents.

  (When my daughter is 18 I'll probably change my mind.)
• 

  Mattieu

  Hi dgp, I would love to post a local experience, just don’t have the time right now. Though will start a new thread with the scandal soon.

  Mattieu
• 

  EmptyInside

  Actually, I don't have a problem with an age gap, if two people really love each other. I think the main point is a lot of women, young and a bit older, settle for whatever they think is the best that they can get, because of there being a lack of normal single men in the org. And if a woman wants to obey all the rules of the organization and "marry only in the Lord" her choices are very limited. So, it is inevitable that a 20 year old and a 36 old woman are going to be going for the same man. I'll admit, I always preferred the older brothers, because the ones my age were just goofy.

  Actually, I mentioned on another post that I saw the reverse in another circuit where a 53 year old woman married a 23 year old, close to her son's age. I'm sorry there is an ick factor to that for me, especially since her children are closer to her husband's age.
• 

  leavingwt

  I think the main point is a lot of women, young and a bit older, settle for whatever they think is the best that they can get, because of there being a lack of normal single men in the org.

  Yeah, that's different than just an age gap. I think we can all agree that the "dating atmosphere" within the WT world (and other Fundamentalist groups with strict sexual rules) is horrible.

  -LWT
• 

  dgp

  Actually, I don't have a problem with an age gap, if two people really love each other. I think the main point is a lot of women, young and a bit older, settle for whatever they think is the best that they can get, because of there being a lack of normal single men in the org.

  EmptyInside, you got this right. This is the problem.

  I think individual maturity, shared values and compatible personalities are more important than a specific difference in age.

  Yes, Leavingwt. I am left wondering how often this is the case between ANY 40 year old and ANY 19 year old.
• 

  AllTimeJeff

  Interesting. I don't think that age differences in of itself makes any more difference then 2 people from different cultures who try to make a marriage work.

  However, the reason why JW's do this is what I was commenting on. There are plenty of sisters who choose a marriage mate based on the lies the GB teaches, and as a result, it is my anecdotal observation that a disproportionate amount of sisters have chosen someone older then them if the brother was an elder, MS, etc.

  I think its appropriate to scrutinize many marriages in the borg. I don't think that age should be a major criteria. Having said that, age, like culture, does weigh on compatability and that is why its good to be sober about that reality for marriage.

  Having said that, age is relative and life is short. Enjoy!
• 

  Think About It

  I'll admit, I always preferred the older brothers, because the ones my age were just goofy. Actually, I mentioned on another post that I saw the reverse in another circuit where a 53 year old woman married a 23 year old, close to her son's age. I'm sorry there is an ick factor to that for me, especially since her children are closer to her husband's age.

  I bet he was really goofy.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  Everything Magwitch said on page 1, plus these two:

  1. If an older guy can support a pioneer wife, her mother and father can be so proud of what "they" have accomplished and feel that Jehovah will let them into Paradise.

  2. Many parents may feel better to marry her off to a stable guy than to have her wait for love to a guy closer to her age. She might give in to sin and blow her chances of getting a good guy after her being marked as damaged goods, DF'ed, no longer virgin.

  I think parents pushing such a thing are terrible. Otherwise, putting my issues with the cult manipulation aside, adults know what they are getting into. He's getting a young babe who is ignorant of things so he can manipulate her. She's getting experience and a wage-earner so she can stay out of the full-time work forces.
• 

  leec

  I can relate two pieces of information I know first- or secondhand...

  1. Maybe ~ 4-5 years ago, T and I having a long conversation about nothing in particular, and at one point her mentioning that she and her mother were at a meeting and she realized at one point all these older guys were looking/staring at her. Later she asked her mom about it, and mom said " oh those are are probably just older brothers who prefer a younger wife" or something to that effect, the idea being that it was nothing terribly unusual

  2. when I finally met her mom, I was in town for a social visit and also to look at some real estate as I was on my year-long "sabbatical" between jobs and was considering moving to their city. The 3 of us spent the better part of a day together looking at houses etc. I remember at one point we were chatting about things and I guess the topic of my concurrent job search came up. I Said something about how the jobs available for me (both here and where I was looking) are narrowed by the fact that I wasn't really interested in taking a job in the military-support/defence industry. She let out a huge "YES!" when I said that. Day or two later she and T was apparently discussing me and mom said she thought I was "cute". So obviously again, no particular problem with he age difference.