The trouble with fading as your leaving strategy

by eyesthatsee 41 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Finally-Free

  Just before I left the cult there was a teenage kid who was never baptized. He was "irregular" at meetings. The shit really hit the fan when he announced to his mom that he wanted to go to college and eventually teach English as a career. Once the news got around he was shunned, even though he was never DF'd, DA'd, or even baptized. All he wanted to do was go to college. He eventually went to live with his non JW dad.

  My point is that fading is no guarantee that someone won't be shunned. I chose to make a clean and permenant break.

  W
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  jwfaith33

  I'm trying to fade but the elders want to talk. I have a feeling things are changing for faders. I think the organization is on to us. I know someone in Brooklyn checks the internet for info on us. They know what's up now. So who knows how they will start dealing with us. I'm just trying not to get df'ed . I need time to get my kids out. It seems to be doing some good. I just hope I can hold on.
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  aquagirl

  I cant imagine any real freedom or peace of mind in "fading".When I finally got df'd it sucked,yeah,but it gave me a sense of freedom and bravado in a way.I didnt have to worry that someone might see me doing whatever.It did not matter.And in the end,the people that minded,didnt matter and the people that mattered,didnt mind.
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  free2beme

  My wife and I faded. Worked great!!! I have taken almost all those that remained in, out. Jehovah God is a character in a play, not something real. Write the conclusion with you in control, not a character.
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  noni1974

  I DA ed. I went from going to meetings and keeping my mouth shut to poof gone in one week. The only person I told anything about not believing was my mother. She turned me into the elders. I DA ed as a reaction to her betrayal of my confidence. All I really wanted was a break to see what I really believed. I had no plans on sinning or being DFed. My mother made that impossible for me. I knew I would never be allowed to live my own life my way if I stayed an official JW. I would always have to answer the questions from relatives. Being a 4th generation JW all of my family are JW's. I don't miss them. In fact it was a relief to not have to answer to everyone I knew.

  I decided I was going to live my life my way right or wrong. I'm still doing that 13 years later. I didn't let my mother guilt trips or judgements change me. I have to remind my mother from time to time that I'm not obligated to live by the watchtowers rules, but other than that it's been great for me.

  I would have liked to fade but it just wasn't in the cards for me. Not with my busy body family. They would try to find dirt on me if they could so I would have been DF ed anyway. I'm just glad that I was announced as having disassociated instead of the new announcement. That's right I quit, I wasn't fired!! hahahahah
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  zarco

  Well said, Willyloman!

  I see from some of the responses that self-righteousness and judgmentalism, the two traits we all took to heart when we were earnest dubbies, do not necessarily go away when some of us leave the organization. Which is too bad, since the single most important thing you can learn once you are away from that toxic atmosphere is: Everyone's mileage varies.
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  skin

  At our DA just recently there was a talk about “Spiritual Erosion”, this appears to be the new Watchtowers term for those that fade. The talk was about how bad it is to let yourself get in a state of Spiritual Erosion, or lose your spiritually. The talk even made the mention that if you needed medication to remain spiritually strong then you are to make sure you continue to take your medication. The conclusion of this talk was that those that let themselves fall into this Spiritual Erosion, are to be viewed in a very negative light.
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  yesidid

  Well said, Willyloman!

  I see from some of the responses that self-righteousness and judgmentalism , the two traits we all took to heart when we were earnest dubbies, do not necessarily go away when some of us leave the organization. Which is too bad, since the single most important thing you can learn once you are away from that toxic atmosphere is: Everyone's mileage varies .

  y
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  slimboyfat

  As things stand I don't see how staying a JW harms me. Their beliefs may be wrong, but in that detail they are in good company with the rest of the churches. I certainly wouldn't change course just because some extreme ex-Witnesses on the Internet think their choice was the best or only honourable one. Ironically their attitude resembles the sort of black and white thinking that if anything is the main problem with JWs currently. I quite enjoyed the meeting today apart from a couple of paragraphs in the Watchtower. I can imagine that in the years to come JWs will mellow into more of a genial social group, or perhaps something even more useful and egalitarian if problems in society deteriorate. JWs have a good heart if only their energies could be better channelled. I am not saying some other Christian groups don't have good people too, but they tend to be more conventionally political engaged, and reactionary when they are. On the other hand I find JWs are often liberals at heart despite the veneer of conservativism. People who swap one cult for another, or even choose mainstream culture over cult are not abandoning social conditioning or control, they are exchanging one set of controls for another. Despite reservations I still find there is a lot I agree with JWs on against mainstream culture.
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  metatron

  Fading difficult? Really? Come on!

  It ain't that hard. Claim chronic illness and get by. I have depression/dizzy spells/migraines/blurred vision/chronic loss of motivation - whatever! It works!

  More than that, if you despise the Watchtower, Inc, fading is definitely the way to win the war. As we all know, "apostates" are evil, Devil-inspired, sex-maniac, drug fiends who barbeque babies and eat them with hot sauce. Labeling people this way helps the cult but faders quietly undermine the whole fantasy driven arrangement and there ain't a damn thing they can do about it and it just kills them!

  Never doubt that the Watchtower is losing. And fading - rather than DA'ing yourself - is a primary driver. I also have to laugh when I observe that every large Witness family is blessed with their indirect influence these days. Mom, what's the big deal? Why can't I be like Uncle Frank? He never goes to the meetings and nothing bad ever happens to him! He says I can live with him if I wanna go to college!

  metatron