The burning bed comes to mind...
I would be very hurt.
Would you be shattered if your mate had sex with someone else? Why?
by goldensky 68 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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goldensky
Leavingwt, I've loved your link, thank you very much. Yes, deep conversations give me a real thrill (I suppose they do most people). And I'm counting as "conversation" what we do on this board also.
OnTheWayOut, you have such deep love for you wife! It's delightful to hear you say those beautiful things. Congratulations.
Cyberjesus, yes, you are spot-on! That's exactly what I mean, you've expressed it beautifully. Therefore, my question remains, "Why does sexual unfaithfulness break people's heart to that point when there are no feelings involved?"
Magwitch, I'm truly sorry you were hurt but the man you loved. This goes for you and for any other woman who has been betrayed and is reading this thread: Please don't be offended by my words as if I were justifying a man's unfaithfulness of making your hurt seem unwarranted. That's not by any means my point.
Thank you everybody.
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goldensky
By the way, Truthseekeriam, what's "the burning bed"?
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cyberjesus
"Why does sexual unfaithfulness break people's heart to that point when there are no feelings involved?"
Superstition. People believe what they want to believe or what they are told to believe (media, religion, society). If they believe penetration breaks a sacred bond then they will.
My mother is sad because i dont go to meetings anymore, she begged me to go to the memorial. I asked her - What difference will it make? -- She doesnt know because is only a belief. not based on facts.
Having sex for the sake of sex has no more meaning than taking a piss. sending a "I miss you" text has more power than that. not even sending it only thinking it. But people wont see it because they are conditioned to the buzz words "fornication" "adultery" etc.
you are cheating the moment you are getting your need satisfied by someone else and your mate doesnt agree with it. But if your mate is ok then even an orgy would be considered as cheating. thats my opinion.
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carla
If you have never truly experienced 'oneness' with your husband then I feel for you both. The term 'oneness' goes far beyond any biblical description or anything the jw's have told you. I really cannot articulate it properly without sounding like a fruitcake. Unfortunately for me when mine joined the cult it certainly put a huge wedge in that 'oneness' we once shared. The thought control changed many of his views and loss of intimacy was the result. Now, we must define intimacy within a marriage, it encompasses the entire being not merely sexual. If you understood what us non jw's/never been meant by our 'soul' it would be much easier to explain. Understanding it on an intellectual basis is not the same as knowing you are a soul, you have a body and what that entails.
It is my opinion that if one truly loved with all their heart and soul, they would not want to see if the grass was greener elsewhere and if one truly loved they would not want to share what should be theirs and theirs alone. This bond couples have goes far beyond sharing a home, children or even a bed. Or at least it should otherwise it is merely a contractual agreement you make with a person who you like well enough to have children and share expenses. Life is too short not to know what onenesss is like.
People are shattered and hurt by such extra cirricular activities of their mates, often the pieces can be picked up and put back together. Like many ex jw's they can carry on, even be better for it, the scars and chips still remain but they manage to put things back together again. For others the hurt is too deep, the betrayal is just too much to forget and they must end the daily reminder of such pain. Others still can pretend they know nothing and if they don't verbalize that they know of the infidelity they don't have to do anything about it. I know a lady like that, the guy had 2 seperate families and at his funeral they all were there! it was pretty wierd.
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paul from cleveland
I think infidelity can be forgiven but never forgotten. The wounds may heal but the scars last forever.
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goldensky
Spot-on again, Cyberjesus (with all my respect of course towards those who consider my thinking outrageous, utterly immoral or just extravagant).
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goldensky
Dear Carla, I enjoyed your post very much and it got me thinking. You are right, you know? That "oneness" you once enjoyed (and that I hope you will regain) is a feeling few humans are granted to experience, in my opinion. I'm not talking about the period of time when you are in love (we all know what that's like: ecstasy), I'm talking about maintaining that feeling or something very similar once the novelty wears off. I read a few months ago a doctor had carried out a study from which he drew the conclusion that some people manage to remain "in love", to maintain the "oneness" throughout a lifetime, but that only happened to a very small percentage of the population. The doctor himself mentioned he "envied" those rare people, because although he enjoyed a very warm relationship with his wife, he knew he didn't reach those heights. In such a case, of course I agree it would be a "crime" to break it, but then who would even feel the slightest inclination toward anybody else if he was totally absorbed and felt in nearly perfect fusion with the other one? And even in this case, would sexual unfaithfulness be more "delictive" than other "crimes" like flirting with somebody else even without touching him/her? I still see no difference.
Sorry if I'm not making myself understood. This is a very delicate subject.
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White Dove
I agree with Goldensky and CyberJesus. I never understood what the big deal was, either. Open marriage with a couple of rules is more my free spirited style: No diseases and it can't be with anyone I hate. My partner doing it with my mortal enemy would be disappointing. I'm also more into handfasting without getting a license than the traditional forever one.