by garyneal 21 Replies latest jw friends
Admittedly I will drag my husband on occassion........to remind the Elders of my 'potential' value to the congregation.
This actually makes me feel sorry for her and sometimes makes me wish things were different. On the one hand, I want her to be truly happy. On the other hand, this is not for me.
GaryNeal, I think it’s great that you are holding a birthday party for your daughter regardless.
I was born into the JWs, and I still remember what it was like being a little kid and trying to explain to my schoolfriends why I couldn’t go to their birthday parties. I knew it had something to do with the Bible and that God didn’t like it, but that was about it.
But it’s very hard for a JW to try to fit in with non JW kids. However, by having a nonJW dad she will be able to experience many childhood moments that we didn’t get to experience.
BTW, to get around the no birthdays thing, my parents used to give me a Yearly Present. It was a special present, usually a more expensive toy that they wouldn’t normally buy – like Ynot said, I also received presents all year round. Don’t worry, many JW kids get plenty of toys – but not the lifetime moments that are usually associated with the receiving of such presents.
I agree with the title of your thread, garyneal. And when people are sad, they want other people to be sad too. I've watched this play out in my family. I've also seen it described in your threads. Your wife has already started on the mind control with your daughter. She will try to make your daughter unhappy... and your wife won't even recognize that this is what she is doing.
I wonder how long the people in her cong will allow this before they begin encouraging pressuring her to put in more time?
Almost 19 years ago, my Mom collapsed with a chronic and progressive condition that eventually resulted in her death. During the 11 years of my Mom's illness, my Father was not supported by the JWs. In fact, they pressured him to do more and more during this time. He had been 'pioneering' and when my Mom fell ill, he was no longer able to do this. He had to tell them that he was not able to help them due to his situation. They were not understanding nor supportive. They kept pressuring him. All they know is 'pioneering'/'field serve-us' and 'meetings'. One's personal situation in life is irrelevant. If you aren't doing what they want you to do, you are of little value to them. They do not truly live the way Christ taught.
On the one hand, I want her to be truly happy.
You are about to witness, first-hand, how an organization can make someone truly unhappy. The only suggestion I can give you is to be ready for the fall because it's coming. Maybe not any time in the immediate future, but it is waiting somewhere on the path ahead. Try to find an exit counsellor. She's going to need one.
If you attempt to strike any sort of deal such as -if you go to a kh meeting she must go to a church service with you, just make sure she goes to the church service first! otherwise if you go to a kh then expect her to fufill her end of the bargain she will renig and say she has decided that it would hurt jah's feelings too much if she went to a church. How do I know this? Tried the same thing with mine but insisted he go to a church first, finally dragged it out of him that he had no intention of following through but just wanted to get me into a kh to see how 'wonderful' it really is!
Good for you on the Birthday party! It would break my heart if I couldn't go to my own sweet child's birthday! I can't imagine what your wife will feel like. She actually could go though and just not sing Happy b-day and let you take over for the gift part. Mine has gone to family b-days, though he doesn't hang around specifically at home for his own children's b-days if it just us. If there is a meeting he goes to the meeting. He doesn't even know their birthday's or mine anymore. He goes along to family functions because his life would change quite profoundly if he didn't!!!! People have learned not to call it a birthday and instead call him and ask him to come for lunch or dinner. It's not their problem if he no longer remembers his own mother's or other family members birthday. I get a card or gift when necessary and bring it out to the car when it's time to leave. We don't say a word about it. Silence can be golden!
Kind of sad really but that's is how it goes for the time being.
Good luck at Chucky Cheese!!!
Gary you are doing the right things, all newly baptised witnesses go through a zealous stage it soon wanes for most. Just stay open and honest with your daughter, she is the one you must protect.
Avoiding birthday parties is a way for them to feel out of place outside of their circle of JW's.
Kids feel like outsiders at school for birthdays and the National Anthem and holidays. They don't bond with other kids when they cannot share the birthdays and holiday invitations. Your answers are quite good to daughter.
They probably won't pressure the wife too much for more recruiting. As mentioned, she's just a "sister." She also has a "worldly" husband, so anything is something to them.
You can offer the trade of Kingdom Hall meetings for church meetings, but you know she hates that deal and is told not to compromise. Still, it shows reasonableness on your part. You are not afraid of her meetings.
Good luck. Have a great b-day party.
Is there any discussion on the blood issue if your daughter needs it to save her life?
All I can say is thank god your daughter has you in her life! Never let your wife start to bring your daughter over to the jw side, be very watchful of that. You are your daughter's only chance for a good life outside of a dangerous cult. And it always saddens me in these situations, because of a cult, that every waking moment and every single decision is based on this cult now. It's hard to live in a family like that! I hope you can do it.
What can the witlesses do? They miss out on the birthdays and holidays. They worry themselves sick about Christmas instead of enjoying it. They are going to reject Jesus instead of "worshiping things that go hop-hop". They will not take a weekend off from field circus, and if they do, the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger makes them feel guilty. They do not have time to play. Most of the day is wasted.
Their time is scheduled from 5:30 in the morning (street work) until 1:30 the next morning (writing those postage-wasting letters). If they cannot stay active the whole time, they are made to feel like sxxx. The week has two days with boasting sessions, plus Family Waste the Evening night (they are supposed to read the littera-trash). You have a Big Boasting Session, a Great Boasting Session, a Grand Boasting Session, and the REJECT Jesus Party. You have waste of paper distribution campaigns. There is the pio-sneer drives every September, plus the March through May REJECT Jesus Party season. Nothing of consequence sets anything apart from anything else.
What do the witlesses do for entertainment? It is just about banned. There are 225 135 songs you can listen to, and from what some posters here have been bashing them to death, I have heard they are some of the most pxxx poor pieces that resemble "music" on the planet (and blasphemous, too). You have a few videos, all of which glorify the organization. Some people try to listen to real music, only to have someone find something wrong with the songs and ban them. They are told that taking a trip camping is wrong unless they go to all the boasting sessions and fully support field circus while on "vacation".
I would say they are downright miserable as a group, because of these stupid rules.
I read her Job 1:4 in the Living Translation of the Bible, sure enough it says birthday. Her translation says own day
Then show her Job 3:1,2:
It was after this that Job opened his mouth and began to call down evil upon his day. 2 Job now answered and said:
3 “Let the day perish on which I came to be born,
