So to summarise you go out to work to support the family and have set chores around the house such as washing up, taking out the trash, child minding and doing odd shopping trips on your way home from work. She is a stay at home Mum who looks after the house and baby and has cult activities on the side which are a constant drain on her time and energy.
You are not happy with the way you are being treated and she is not happy with you either.
You are both miserable and making the situation worse. So you cannot continue to do what you have always done because you will just get more of the same.
You need to talk to each other not at each other. As you have had a major upheaval in your lives it is reasonable to step back and take stock.
What you want is to stop going to meetings - they do not help your mental health and you need time to recover emotionally. Tell her that although you have been going to the meetings they do not help you at present and unless there is a special reason for you to attend you will not be going. If she doesn't drive then tell her you will drop her off and pick her up but you will not go in, this will mean she is free to sit where she chooses.
Tell her that if you make a mess in the bathroom you will clean up after yourself, I know what a pain it is when you've cleaned all day and someone justs walks in and makes a mess. However if you are coming in late at night then being expected to do housework as well is sometimes too much. You appreciate her hard work and you are proud of the way she keeps house but you hope that she appreciates how hard you also work.
Tell her you will continue to support her financially and emotionally, that you will continue to mind the baby whilst she is out on the service. If you love her tell her. If you appreciate her work at home then express it. You both need to show appreciation for each other and restore what is missing in your relationship.
She is being bratty but if she has been at home all day with the baby she may have reached the end of her tether by the time you get home. Children can get under your skin however much you love them. she may think that she has been working hard whilst you've had a relaxing time at work. This is not the case but tired stressed people are not always rational you know this more than most.
You may find that having evenings and Sundays free helps to restore your mental balance a bit. On Sundays start planning your me time, if she asks you to go to the meeting if you have something planned in that time slot it is easier to say no. Just relaxing with the paper or a good book and a cup of coffee can be incredibly relaxing.
You cannot make her behave like a grown up you have control over your actions so.
So step 1 - apologise for upsetting her over the bathroom and tell her you will make more of an effort to clean up after yourself in future.
Step 2 - be appreciative of what she does
Step 3 - Outline the ground rules about meetings
Step 5 - If you love her tell her.
I know this looks very one sided as if you are making the most effort but as I said you are responsible for your actions and in this you need to set the example and hold out the olive branch. You can choose to go on as you are but things will get worse because it becomes a matter of pride to hold onto the grudge.
I feel for you but sometimes I want to bang your heads together.
