Feeling down

tec

My son got suspended from school for fighting. Not just fighting but choking another boy during their fight. He started it in anger over something the other boy did, but none of that actually matters.

Last year he was a victim of bullying, lost all self-esteem, and wanted to kill himself. This year he seems to be going to the opposite extreme, for the same reasons. He is pretending to be things that he isn't, fighting and lying, all to be liked by the 'crowd'. He's just as unhappy as he was before, and he cried in my arms today when I told him how much I loved him for being himself. That he didn't need to put on an act, but that he did need to learn to control this anger before he hurts someone... including himself.

We're going back to counseling. His social worker fit us in right away when I called, even though I haven't talked to her in months. I should never have stopped the counseling in the first place. His principal is going to let the junior high know that he should be on their outreach program. He goes to a Catholic school. Say what you will about Catholics, but they have got some of the best outreach programs available.

I just don't know how to deal with his anger, even though I know its a self-defense mechanism. Even his counsellor and teachers and principal know it and are doing their best to get him help, and not punishment. Especially since they all know about the bullying; they were all there last year when this all started.

I also don't know how to get him to stop lying.

Maybe we did the counseling half-assed the first time around (mostly because by the time we managed to get fit in, we had dealt with the suicidal things together), but he and I agreed that we were going to go full-throttle this time. No getting lazy about any of the temper control techniques or suggestions.

I just want him to be a happy, healthy kid.

Just feel down tonight. Thought I'd rant, and I'm sorry for how rambling it probably sounds. Thanks for listening, and I more than welcome any advice on building up his self-esteem, and help on any of the problems that come with kids not having self-esteem.

Thanks,

Tammy

tec

I have no idea why there is a lightbulb next to the title of this thread, btw. Sorry about that.

snowbird

(((((((Tammy and son))))))

You're doing the right thing by just being there when he needs you most.

Just keep on loving him; with the counselling, it should all fall into place.

Tell him Aunt Sylvia is praying for him right now.

Sylvia

PS You are absolutely right about Catholics and their outreach programs.

tec

((((((((Sylvia))))))))

Thanks for your faith, Sylvia. I know you understand what it feels like to hurt for your child when they're hurting. I'll tell him that you're praying for him. It'll mean a lot to him.

I know kids start believing because their parent(s) teach them to, but my son has a great deal of faith that is all his own now. (He can also ask some pretty probing questions that would fit right in on this forum, I tell you.)

Tammy

snowbird

I certainly do understand.

Sylvia

awildflower

Sorry Tammy about your son. It's the worst thing for a mom to see their kids struggle. My son struggled early on in school socially, he wasn't bullied but he couldn't stand how other kids were so mean. So I took him out at 5th grade, home schooled him until 8th grade, he went back for 9th, came home for 10-12. My dicision at the time was of course based on being a jw and probably would have done all of that differently as he suffers socially now as well. But for your situation, have you ever thought of taking him out of school? I don't know if it's an answer or not, I don't have good advice, but his situation might be where that would work. Anyways though, sorry your going through this it is so hard. Kids can be so horrible to other kids, and it really, really hurts the one's with the big hearts.

tec

Thanks, awildflower, and I'm sorry about your boy too.

I have thought about homeschooling, but he can be such an introvert as it is. I don't want to make his social skills worse, and the few kids I know who have been home-schooled do suffer socially. I think I would prefer to pack us up and move to a completely new area to give him a fresh start with new kids before pulling him out of school completely, but I don't rule the option of homeschooling out completely. We'll have to see how junior high goes, with the outreach, and also the counseling.

I don't want him bullied, but I don't want him to turn around and become the bullier as a defense against getting bullied either.

Tammy

beksbks

I have no words Tammy. Worrying about our children is almost unbearable at times.

tec

Beks -

Talking about this doesn't stop the worry, but it does seem to be calming me down some.

Thanks all.

Sylvia- I told him you prayed for him. He teared up and said that made him happy.

Tammy

bluecanary

I highly recommend this book. I'm glad that the school is taking care to help him. How old is he?

Feeling down

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