Faders: What do you say?

by Mad Sweeney 30 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Quillsky

  So appear to get all emotional...... tell them you are inactive because of some discovered revelations regarding the WTS history and claims but the Elders have told you to keep your mouth shut and to wait on Jah. You don't want to ruin your relationship with Jehovah nor get yall both stumbled so you think it is best that yall don't associate. Hug the JW, ask them to pray for you and walk away.
  
  If they try again...... ask the JW if they want both of yall getting DFd and having no hope of resurrection?

  Yknot, this approach is seriously fucked up.
• 

  moshe

  The best way to get JWs to avoid you is to be needy- yes, you need help, car help, money help, personal help, whatever. lay it on, tell them, you're a JW and I need your help. Believe me, JWs that know you will soon cross over to the other side of the street to avoid you. They won't care that you aren't at the meetings, hell, they will be glad you stopped asking them for "charity".
• 

  darthfader

  I started wearing liver tied to my forehead and amazingly all the JW's left me alone. Actually I would use the "business tactic" that discussing religous views on company time is grounds for dismissal -- and I really need to keep my job right now. Also when they try to ask me for any time "off the clock", I tell them that I'm are busy doing ... such and such.. very busy... Start discussing work or some generic secular stuff and they tune out pretty quickly.

  Good luck dodging the JW bullet :)
• 

  blondie

  I figure inactive, da'd or df'd (if they don't know that you are) the answer is still difficult.

  I just would say, "that's a personal question."

  or "why do you ask?"

  I have also said that a successful fader (meant to just bridge over to being out completely) does not discuss their doubts with jws or jw family.

  Also, even a successful fade will not mean that jws or family will not view you with suspicion, even if you go to a few meetings, and limit their association.

  If you think you can get your family out, ask yourself did someone get you out or was it a personal realization over time?

  While you are fading, it would be good to rehearse some responses for such situations.
• 

  Little Imp

  I noticed that if anyone ever asked us our religion when we were still attending my husband always replied "Christian", he never ever said JW.

  In case, you don't know, he was raised in it since around the age of 3, df around 16 years of age for associating with his parents! Reinstated many years later by his mother's interference with the local congregation despite living 120 miles away from her! We have now moved 150 miles from the KH we used to attend but gradually faded from. We told no-one apart from our immediate next door neighbour that we were moving.

  I think his mother may be interfering again though as when we visited her last Sunday (we are now 150 miles away from her) the wife of the Elder of our old congegation phoned and she was distinctly uncomfortable with us being there!

  Incidentally, my husband is 52 years of age!

  LI
• 

  ambersun

  I thought I was moving on well but this is shaking me. I literally feel nausea over it. Damn the Borg for having this sort of power over me!

  Mad Sweeney please don't be too hard on yourself. I know exactly how you feel! The number of times I, and many many others I'm sure, have had to dodge difficult questions as a result of JWs finding out about our former connections with the WTS. Believe me, if you don't tell them yourself they often seem to find out somehow.

  The important thing is, don't let them fluster you. Calmly and politely say you hope they will understand if you don't talk about it right now, then change the subject. They should eventually get the message and leave you alone. It usually works for me, anyway.

  Blondie's advice is good about rehearsing some responses ready for the next time it happens.

  When they are really persistant to the point of rudeness I tell them calmly and with a smile that I have close JW family members to discuss it all with should I ever feel the need, which is very unlikely, so can we please change the subject now! I then start talking about something mundane like the weather.

  You will find it gets much easier as time passes
• 

  Mad Sweeney

  Thanks everybody.

  I hope the Dubs aren't brought up in conversation every single time we see each other. If it becomes an issue I could make sure the topic of what is and what is not appropriate workplace conversation gets brought up by our department head at the next staff meeting. But I don't want to go there except as a last resort; I hate to give their "persecution paranoia" a vehicle if it isn't necessary.

  Appreciate everyone's comments. I'll update the thread if/when anything else happens.
• 

  titch

  Mad Sweeney: I know that this might be "20/20 hindsight" at this time, but for myself, if I were asked that by a work colleague, I would ask them, Well, why do you want to know? What business is it of yours as to what religion I profess, or don't profess? How does that relate to our work here? Or, I would tell them that I never, ever, discuss religous belief systems with fellow employees, even during breaks or lunch time. That could only lead to confrontations and arguments. So, I'm sorry, but a conversation with you about my or your religious beliefs is simply NOT going to happen. And, leave it at that. I know that isn't much help after the fact, but those are my suggestions to anyone who in the future might be asked that by a work colleague who is known to be a Witness. Or even if you don't know that they are! Best Regards.

  Titch.
• 

  Quillsky

  ...... if I were asked that by a work colleague, I would ask them, Well, why do you want to know? What business is it of yours as to what religion I profess, or don't profess? How does that relate to our work here? Or, I would tell them that I never, ever, discuss religous belief systems with fellow employees, even during breaks or lunch time. That could only lead to confrontations and arguments.

  It's so sad that they are still controlling what you discuss with other people.

  "Never, ever"????

  That cuts out any normal conversations that could potentially happen anywhere in the free world with fellow employees.
• 

  Billy the Ex-Bethelite

  "Do they still insist that Jerusalem was destroyed by Nebuchadnezzar in 607 BCE?"