DF'd and struggling....LONG POST........my story. (page 4)

thenoblelodge

Welcome Confuzzled. Soooo sorry you've had such a bad time.

You were used as an example because drinking is a huge problem in the ORG. I knew a JW who was raising her two daughters on her own and was clearly struggling. She ended up an alchoholic and got reproved. The illness ended up killing her and she left behind two daughters, one in her late teens the other early twenties and pregnant.

She clearly didn't get the help or support she needed. BTW I'm not saying you have a drink problem, I'm just using this as an example of how cruel they can be.

Be brave and rejoice you are free from a Cult. Do some research, you owe it to yourself to find out what the ORG is really all about.

www.jwfacts.com has been mentioned, have a look and do some research on there.

Love and peace to you and all your family.

chicken little

So sorry to hear of this awful experience you and your family have been put through. I think that they targeted you because it was at your home, I am also surprised they didn't start asking about sexual activity at the hot tub! These men love the big scandals and you can be sure that it would be all the talk in the elder circuit for sometime to come. I know, my husband was an elder for 25 years and he often was saddened by the love of scandal among some of the elders. It seemed to spice up their boring lives and make them feel sooo important crushing other peoples lives.

Its odd that they rushed into a judicial hearing, their judgement was obviously made harsher by the sub co, he was there probably to do damage control.

I hope you have time to sit down and figure out for yourself which direction you are going to go in from now on. There is a great life outside of the org, it just takes time to combat the years of indoctrination. I am the happiest I have ever been now that I left after 47 years born in, I love my life now and want to help anyone I can to see that there is "light" at the end of the tunnel, coming out of the darkness of the Jw mindset.

Hugs to you

Chicken little

Witness My Fury

Totally dumb decision that is. The worst they should have done to you is public reproof and have local needs talk on drinking at social events and the responsibilities of the host of oversight of what goes on. That should have been the worst case scenario with coming down hard on you as the host of the nights goings on (it was your home). It would have been public reproof beacuse too many people knew about it or were there for it to pass as private reproof most likely.

But it sounds to me like the elders had a hissy fit and wanted to show they had control of their patch by throwing their weight around and making an example of you. Not very loving or merciful is it.

If you had previosuly been reproved for a similar thing, I can just about see it progressing to a possible disfellowshipping, but again it's not a given, mercy should dictate the outcome. Disfellowshipping is the last resort when mercy is not possible. And lets face it mercy should be possible in almost all circumstances except things like child abuse, or repeat repeat repeat behaviours.

Im not an elder, just saying how I would see it if it came my way viewing it thru the WTBS lens.

As said JCs are a lottery anyway with uncertain outcomes. But if they followed the principles of mercy as outlined in Christs teachings and even (dare I say it) the Elders Manual, then the outcomes would be far more certain.

Only bother with reinstatement shinanigans IF you NEED to. only you can work that out and make that decision. What happened to hubby btw?

Welcome to the board

Cheers

MMXIV

Wow. I read your post and felt your horror. Horror because I would have been d'fd along with almost every young person I knew many times over! I often went out drinking with pioneers and elders and someone could have taken exception anytime. I'm in no doubt they could d'f or reprove 5 or 6 million JW's if they enforced this consistently. Sorry this fell on you - it wouldn't have happened in Rutherford's day!

There was one bethelite I knew who was taken off as MS and had restrictions due to having three drinks in one night during a weekend away. (I am telling this second hand - he never told me details personally). He was so annoyed - knowing he'd been stitched up and made an example of.

You have been treated like a criminal as if you'd been drink driving and killed someone, not been repentant and convicted using a totally unfair process without a right of appeal. Is that how it feels? I'm not surprised you have had difficulty coping with this, even excluding that you are now being shunned etc.

You did nothing wrong. You had a good night out and didn't do anyone any harm.

You have had a shocking but unique insight into how high up people run this organisation. This is a story that many on JWN will be interested in and also probably any worldly person you told this to. Thank you for sharing it.

Welcome to the board and please feel free to ask any questions - I've found so many knowledgeable (and fun (and a little off the wall)) people on here

MMXIV

boyzone

Giving you lots of hugs and wishing you well. It takes time to heal so please TAKE THE TIME! Don't feel you have to rush to be reinstated, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. What is wrong is the Pharasaical Judicial process you were subject to.

Its hurts to be treated unjustly and the natural outcome of injustice is anger. If you feel angry, you have a right to be!

Wishing you all the best in your life

love BZ

lisavegas420

I kept waiting for the really juicey stuff. I mean come on, a hot tub, lots of drinking, I thought fur sure a 'lil sumtin' a nasty happened. (elders thought that too, that's why they asked if that was all of the pictures on your facebook page.)

Welcome...I'm glad you are here.

lisa

jookbeard

that's completely outrageous, and really means they can DF you for whatever reason they want, and you cant do a single thing about it, I wouldn't give them any more pleasure and get the hell away from these scum.

roguepixel

Call me cynical, but am I the only one who thinks Confuzzled was DF'd was because her parents are active JWs? If she had no family to influence the decision, I'm convinced she'd have been publicly reproved. I think the WT$ likes to do this knowing that lots of people with family 'in' are more than likely to come grovelling back to the congregation weeping and wailing and full of contrition.

It's sad for you, and my heart goes out to you. There's nothing worse than being falsely accused, I get the stomach ache thing, been there.

In another way it's good, -for your congregation I mean. Everybody else in the cong will just be thinking WTF? Maybe it'll get them thinking just what kind of men are running the show. Hopefully, it'll open the eyes of your parents too.

Thanks for sharing your story, it indirectly also helps the lurkers that come on here sometimes. Incidental unwitnessing

Joey Jo-Jo

1cor 6:10 - Being drunk is different from being a drunkard(not implying that getting drunk is OK or healthy but a sin is questionable).

CuriousButterfly

I have tears in my eyes for the railroading that those men did to you. They were completely wrong and EVEN if you got drunk, committed adultery, smoked etc one time (even more than once) that DOES NOT give them the license to DF you. You seemed repentant and that is "supposed" to be one major factor before they make their ("supposed help from Jehovah" decision. Hang in there. ((hugs))

DF'd and struggling....LONG POST........my story.

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