DF'd and struggling....LONG POST........my story.

by confuzzled777 84 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  undercover

  Welcome to the board. You have witnessed first hand the true legalistic nature of the WTS. Love and mercy are not at the forefront. Laws, rules and obedience are at the forefront of this religion.

  A side note, being a stickler and all: one is not DFd for the actual offense, be it whatever. One is DFd for unrepentance. Officially, on paper, that is. In reality, DFing or the threat of it is used indiscriminately among many elders who are mad with power. Elders do not have Holy Spirit directing them. They're just men...untrained and uneducated in most instances. They let their own prejudices and opinions dictate how to treat people and how to make judicial decisions. (A side note to the side note: not all elders are evil, rotten bastards. There are good men in their ranks as well. It's just obvious from so many bad ones that God is not operating through these men).

  From reading your take on the experience, I can't help but think that these men had a problem with you, your spouse or your circle of friends. The level of drinking that you admitted to, while under JW law may require some counseling, it was definitely not DF worthy. They were making an example out of your group. Because you didn't cower, beg for mercy (read: kiss ass) they deemed you unrepentant and they lowered the boom on you.

  It hurts like hell, it's not fair, you've been mistreated...but take heart. In the long run, this may be the best thing to happen to you. It's a clean break. Study up on the tenets of this religion. Study its history, its scandals, its shortcomings. Once you see that this is not the "truth", you may come to see that this event was a blessing in disquise because you truly have freedom now.

  I know this is gonna sound stupid...but....what is a DH?

  I've wondered this myself when I've seen this used. I couldn't figure it out. The only thing I could figure was Designated Hitter. Which isn't a bad idea, if you have to face a judicial committee. Pick someone else to set in and you stay at home...
• 

  leavingwt

  Welcome to the forum!

  I'm sorry that you've had to experience this. Many of us have also learned first-hand that some elders are not interested in forgiveness, mercy or with helping others, they're interested in having their REPORT in order before the Circuit Overseer hears the story.

  Please hang in there.
• 

  confuzzled777

  OH my gosh.....thanks to all who responded! As I have read through each and every one of your posts, I am nodding my head and agreeing with you all! You get it.

  My in-laws think that Jehovah is testing me like Job was tested. I tell them that Jah would NOT test someone in this manner. He is loving and merciful and just. where these brothers who are supposed to represent him, were not.

  I can't remember who mentioned something about my parents being active and that influencing the decision. Had not thought about that. Although the 3 elders who decided to disfellowship me, do not know my parents or my side of the family. Only one was familiar with my DH's side of the family.

  Someone else mentioned the "hot tub" details......I really got a chuckle out of that!! You were SO right on that one! Apparently we were famous for our "after hours parties" and the elders were just waiting for juicy details on those! Sad to say, it was close friends and family that would come over after bowling, have a drink or 2 more, listen to music and just talk for hours into the wee morning hours. I think that they WERE rather disappointed that it was nothing more than that!

  In my first post, I had just TOUCHED on the what happened. Those who accused others of being drunk were asked to appear in the other's meetings as a witness to the fact that they thought they were drunk. My husband and I however, were not given the opportunity to meet our accusers. I do know one of mine, as she came over the night before I was DF'd to pick up something and she reminded me of another time that I had over drank that she knew of, but said that she did not tell the elders of THAT time. So, I knew that she was one.

  The elders told the others involved that if they did not tell them who was drunk that night that they would share in the sin of their brother/sister. But when my DH and I told them that it was not up to us to judge our brothers/sisters per the Watchtower article that my DH printed, we were not given the same scripture or guilt to "tell" on our friends.

  SO MUCH was wrong with what happened. Someone had mentioned that at the MOST, I should have been publicly reproved. That IS what happened to most of the others who complied with the requests of these elders and who ACTED repentant. But because I was not as willing to accept discipline for something that I had never heard of being a disfellowshipping offense, or a grave sin against Jah for just one time, I was punished for questioning them.

  I questioned what constituted being drunk, why did they drink? How did one know when they had crossed the line from having a "happy heart" to sinning against God. They asked me what I was going to do to correct my problem. I told them that when I knew at what point was a sin against God, that I would correct it.

  Perhaps that was why I was disfellowshipped. I questioned the arrangement, and they did not approve. OH MY GOSH......that is it! I did NOT follow their line of reasoning and was therefore perceived as being unrepentant. It all becomes a bit clearer the more I type.

  Yes, I am ANGRY. I am HURT. WOW
• 

  funnyface

  Welcome to the board... I doubt also that it was for drunkeness,that is the ONLY thing they DONT usually DF
  I was a JW for 25 years .Never heard of a DF for being DRUNK .Some one want to get you out of there. I dont drink at all but was kicked out because I dont believe Jesus came invisably in 1914.
  I know how devastaning it was for you but your FREE to be you,Not allow old men to dictate what you can do
  I NOW believe all those who belive Jesus came invisably in 1914 WERE DRUNK. ( wink wink
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  It hurts now. They did treat you wrong, railroaded you for their own agenda. As time goes by, you will see that getting kicked out of that club was the best thing for you. If you need to hold your anger close to your chest for awhile, then learn some more about the evil organization and feel good that you are not one of them anymore. If you haven't done so, read Ray Franz' CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE. There's no bitterness in there and it might help you see just how bad WTS is. When you are tired of your anger keeping you warm, you will know it's time to let it go.
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  life is to short

  My heart breaks for you. I have never heard of being DF'd over being drunk once and I have been in the "truth" all my life. None of this makes sense but nothing I went through made sense either.

  I know one elders wife who drinks way too much and nothing is said I have seen her with elders around drinking and bragging about how much she can put down. I remember being given a drink when I was 18 by and elders wife and I had never had a drink before the elders wife was mad that I could not drink it.

  When we were at Bethel I saw many get drunk. Mostly wives of elders.This part that you wrote

  ( they said that 1 time of getting drunk was likened to 1 time of adultery and a disfellowshipping offense if not repentant.)

  I have never heard of it. And then where you put

  (One thing that I had left out of my original post was that the sub. CO was texting the CO during most of the interview and part of my JC. We brought this up during the appeal AND my parents wrote in to the WTS regarding this behavior and NOT one apology was extended.)

  Yet you were not allowed record the JC meetings you would not have been allowed to text anyone.

  I am going through a very similar thing only it has to deal with child molesters and my husband who had been an elder for 32 years was deleted very much like you were DF'd, it totally blew him away to be treated so horribly by his fellow elders. Neither of us had heard of such stuff before either when we went through it.

  I am just so sorry my heart breaks for you. It is so hard I am so sorry.

  LITS
• 

  life is to short

  (Perhaps that was why I was disfellowshipped. I questioned the arrangement, and they did not approve. OH MY GOSH......that is it! I did NOT follow their line of reasoning and was therefore perceived as being unrepentant. It all becomes a bit clearer the more I type.)

  You hit the nail on the head, that is what I was told by someone who had left the "truth" was I was targeted because I questioned how they dealt with pedophiles, my husband was deleted because I questioned how the elders were dealing with pedophiles. I wrote to Bethel over elders letting child rapists hold children. I was out of line only they could not DF me because of because they had nothing on me so they went after my husband to get to me. It is sick. It is truly sick.

  You probably made them upset to question them just like I did but I felt that this was run by Jehovah God and so it did not matter that I questioned elders but I forgot I was only a stupid woman. The CO told me I should have went to my husband and left it in Jehovah's hands. If a child was molested then Jehovah allowed it to happen and he would fix the child in his own due time I was over stepping my place to be care about the children. The elders were being directed by Jehovah I as a woman had no place to say anything.

  Sick LITS
• 

  mamalove

  I am so sorry that happened to you. I agree with PP, that is very unfair and smacks of double standards. I really feel that this was more motivated because you guys were having the parties, which BTW sound like fun. The fact that you were the hosts, and probably provided the place and the booze was what they wanted to send a message about. I know for a fact that went on at my old KH, been to a hot tub party or two before, and lots of other card parties, etc. Elder's wives reeked of gin and tonic at the KH. I once got horribly wasted in a fast hurry at a super bowl party a few years ago, -Manhattans and Moonshine- and was barfing my brains out in front of elders and MS. Nothing happened to me. They said don't feel bad and it happens to all of us.....So there is no consistency in the org. Just people making decisions because they have the power to. How are people treating you overall?

  Is your DH and kids still going to meetings without you? Are they thinking of leaving the org? If so, is it just because of the unfairness, or due to flaws in the belief structure as well?

  ((HUGS)) I am so sorry you are going through this pain. My heart goes out to you.
• 

  confuzzled777

  Thank you all again for the kindness and concern! I called my mom crying today. Talking about it and listening to all of your kind words just brings all the raw emotions back again. I am 39 and this has been my life. The brothers took my life from me, to punish me for speaking up for myself.

  Probably one of the hardest things for me is that I have to beg for forgiveness in the form of a letter and perfect meeting attendance before anyone can even utter a HELLO to me. There is something very wrong about that.

  I am not even sure if I want this for my kids anymore. Heaven forbid that they do anything that would require an elder's meeting. I would not allow it to happen. I know that for a fact. My kids will NEVER face this kind of unmerciful treatment.

  Only the honest are punished anyways. We are told to go to the elders for encouragement and help to get back on the right track. Even if you are repentant and beg to not be disfellowshipped (as I know of someone who did this) they will still disfellowship you to teach you a lesson. They kick you out only to tell you how to live while you are out and that you can't even talk to another disfellowshipped person as they are bad association.

  ok......sorry to go off again......
• 

  mamalove

  YES, think about that, how does that sound to a rational person that "God's Org" appoints THREE men, who most definitely have skeletons in their closets to JUDGE you and affect the status of your life as long as you live, UNLESS you jump through their rules and hoops?

  Does that sound like an org, that a God of Love would instigate?

  Get your kids and DH out, so you can get on with the de-programming and gain your life back.

  OR, you could get reinstated and then all leave just to prove a point. I have a family member who did that and she went out with quite a bang actually.