Dan, did you check your PM?
Broken Heart...
by brotherdan 121 Replies latest jw friends
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Nickolas
Thanks to leavingwt for directing me to this thread. Reading through all the posts has provided some insights into my own situation and has also provided some ... comfort, I guess is the word ... that there are many people out ther who have gone through versions of this difficult issue. I was wondering if there might be some kind of support group for JW/non-JW marriages. Looks like this might be it.
BrotherDan, I've been married to the same wonderful woman for 37 years. She's been a Jehovah's Witness for the last 33. We've had some rough times and I came close to splitting us up once. I am very thankful I did not. I would very much like my wife to see the WTBTS for what it really is and fade out of the organization but recognize that it is a difficult proposition because her entire social network is built around it. Also because I've done such a lousy job of dealing with it in the past. I'm looking for a better way to break through. It is why I joined this board.
I'm rambling. I've never been a JW so my situation is different from yours. However, I have gone from being a Christian when we first met and got married, to a Watchtower bible student, to a non-believer in WT doctrine, to an agnostic and, fairly recently, to one who has lost his faith entirely. It was frightening at first but now I can honestly say I have never felt more at peace with myself. I'm not proposing the same path for you or my wife, I'd be delighted if she reverted to Anglicanism, but I am laying it out to illustrate that two people with polarized perspectives can stay married and raise children who will make up their own minds when they are old enough, as our three have done. The key is love and respect. If you love her and she loves you, and you are able to give one another some space, then it is possible. I have never put up with bullshit from elders or anyone else from the Society, at the same time have not tried to keep my wife from the meetings or going out on service. I have never liked that the WTBTS has been the third person in our marriage but I have also never abandoned hope that I might one day exorcize it. Even after 33 years. Don't lose hope.
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sd-7
Brotherdan, I can truly understand your plight, as it is not unlike my own. My wife, who, like yours, did not appreciate my research on the organization's treachery, has nearly separated from me twice in the last 3 months, and it's a very emotional thing to deal with. I'm glad you feel your family is worth saving; no matter what anyone can tell you, you've got to do what is comfortable for you, what you feel is right in this. I think your bravery in fighting for your family is very admirable. I wish you the best in protecting your family from this religion.
You've got my support. Hope it turns out alright in time.
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brotherdan
I'm rambling. I've never been a JW so my situation is different from yours. However, I have gone from being a Christian when we first met and got married, to a Watchtower bible student, to a non-believer in WT doctrine, to an agnostic and, fairly recently, to one who has lost his faith entirely.
You weren't rambling, Nik. Your post gave me the chills. Just this morning I was thinking how hopeless I would feel right now if I didn't know that I had friends like you that showed me that I wasn't alone.
You aren't alone. And one of the reasons I feel OK is...I'm not alone either. While I haven't gotten to the degree of being atheist, I relate to you EXTREMELY. And that is why this site is awesome. We, including non-jw's like you, are victims of a cult. It has hurt and ruined MANY families. I, and it sounds like you too, am DETERMINED not to let this cult take away my family. It's all I have left.
And I hope you know how much THIS comment means to me, brother:
at the same time have not tried to keep my wife from the meetings or going out on service. I have never liked that the WTBTS has been the third person in our marriage but I have also never abandoned hope that I might one day exorcize it. Even after 33 years. Don't lose hope.
I hope I can be like this too. Everyone knows I LOVE her and I know the she loves me too. About 30 mins ago I told her that even though I told her I loved her when we first got married, it felt NOTHING like the love I feel for her today. She responded (and I quote):
"I guess love just isn't enough."
But I will not give up. I believe John Lennon and the Beatles. All you need is love.
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brotherdan
I think your bravery in fighting for your family is very admirable. I wish you the best in protecting your family from this religion.
Why can't I be REAL friends with you guys?!?!? I HATE it! I need friends like all of you. I hope we can meet one day.
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Libelle
Nik, your post gave me hope too.
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garyneal
Must admit, in some strange way, it has been therapeutic to me too know that I am not alone in this. It is just a shame that there is no one in the area I live in who is going through this too. I go to church but the people there don't understand the issues that I am involved in, how can they?
The only people who do are the 'worldlies' who are married to the witnesses in my wife's cong who I don't get a chance to meet. (I even requested that some time ago.) Truth is, she sees more people on a regular basis who are going through what she is going through than I see on the other side of it.
Oh well, we will always have JWN.
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brotherdan
garyneal, I'd be your buddy if you lived in AZ.
There is something that I've learned recently, and for anyone that is not a Christian, well...please just ignore this.
I've been learning about gifts of the spirit. Most people think of this as "tongues" or "healing" or whatever.
But it's so much more than that.
Garyneal, what if your gift is that you need to start a group in your church for those that are married to JWs? They need to know how to react, what to say, what NOT to say, and the best way to bring their spouse to Jesus Christ. Could THIS be your calling? ALL Christians are given a gift from the Holy Spirit. Some are given teaching. Some are given knowledge. Some are giving leadership. What if yours is a leadership calling to help JWs?
There are VERY few churches that warn their members about the dangers of JWs. What if you are the one to start his in YOUR area? What if God is calling YOU?
This is just a thought. After all, I have not yet found my gift. Maybe my gift is just rambling.
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sd-7
Brotherdan--It's just great to meet someone who has managed to maintain some idealism about love despite this kind of stuff. I think love ought to be enough, too.
I've drifted towards what is somewhere between agnosticism and atheism, but I very much like the idea of Christianity and how it's really supposed to work, so I tend to think in terms of that somewhat often. I'm also impressed that you've held onto faith in God through Christ, because I think I learned that I put my faith in the organization more than I did in God. Kind of disappointing to realize that, but very important, nonetheless.
Garyneal--I'm probably about the closest to you, which is not saying much, but...maybe someday, under better circumstances, I'll be able to actually meet ya!
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TD
...but I am laying it out to illustrate that two people with polarized perspectives can stay married and raise children who will make up their own minds when they are old enough, as our three have done. The key is love and respect. If you love her and she loves you, and you are able to give one another some space, then it is possible.
Very similar situation here. Studied with JW's as a teenager/young adult, but tripped over the blood thing.
Married 30+ years to a committed JW. Raised children together who were allowed to make their own choice.
You can have very strong idealogical differences and still get along. (Look at James Carville and Mary Matalin)
I agree that love and respect for the other's viewpoint is the key.
There's even common interests of a JW nature you can cultivate with a JW spouse. My wife and I collect books together. She is proud of the fact that our library is bigger than any five Kingdom Halls combined. She shows her friends an absolutely pristine edition of the Scenario of the Photo Drama Of Creation and everyone has a good time