A Sincere Question...

by AGuest 44 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  ReallyTrulyAthena

  So, my question(s) is/are: do you get offended when someone uses words/phrases... or comments on/discusses something... you are not familiar with? If so, why? Do you feel that if you cannot be a part of a discussion, others are being rude or insensitive? If so, why and/or how so?

  I don't get offended by comments/words/phrases/discussions I'm not familiar with. Like others on this post, I'm a fellow logophile (Whooooops! or should that be "I's one o' those folks who really *heart* dem big words n' stuff"?) But I also have a veracious appetite for learning new things. When you are told growing up in a constricted environment to "don't read that" or "you shouldn't do this" or "we're not supposed to say that" and then you are set free from those mental bindings, the whole world is at your feet. It's like setting a kid free in a candy store. So when I'm presented with a word or concept I don't know, I either independently research or ask someone simply, "I don't know what that means, could you explain?" or "I think this is what that means, am I right?"

  The only time I'm offended is when someone talks down to me and is condescending. I'd like to think I'm of reasonable intelligence (although don't ask me where my car keys are; I have NO idea half the time - ha!) and that I'm smart enough to follow along...and again, have the capacity to learn. (Yet -- I've learned in life...that I still have a lot to learn. Aye, there's the rub!) I try to extend the same level of intellectual respect to others.

  If I feel I can't be part of a discussion, I don't feel others are rude or insensitive. I choose to feel how I want to feel. Unless people are purposefully trying to be rude/insensitive...then that's a whole 'nother ball of wax.

  IMHO, the whole thing about communication is regardless of what we may say, we cannot control how others are going to respond/feel/think/act once those words (whether verbal or written) are put out there. I guess it's down to "treat others as you want to be treated" and "seek to understand, then be understood". For good measure, I'll throw in "it's not what you say, it's how you say it."

  I'll stop with the cliches now... Really - what do I know? I think I make this up as I go along and have to laugh at my own preposterousness. It's Friday, it has been a long work-week,and there's an adult alcoholic beverage that is calling my name - is it 5 o'clock yet?
• 

  AGuest

  Thank you, dear RTA... and peace to you! I "hear" you and get what you're saying! And it's only 10am here...

  Wuz (peace to you!)... good AFTERNOON, to you, then - LOLOLOL!

  Peace to you both!

  A slave of Christ,

  SA
• 

  notverylikely

  I've been accused of that too and seen similar responses, except mine happened when I used the word quandry on one occasion and the word oblivious on another.

  Some people don't like to be reminded of how little they have bothered to educate themselves. C'est la vie.
• 

  BabaYaga

  Dear AGuest said:

  Prior to entering into the WTBTS, my friends (bohemian/hippie-types) and I would discuss... well, everything. From religion to politics to families to work to current events (local, national, global)... and more. But once inside the WTBTS I found my conversation virtually limited to, well, "theocratic" lingo. No matter WHAT the subject was. Sooner or later the words "Society", "FDS," "meetings", "field service," and... well, you know... the usual words... came up. Every conversation either reached that vocabulary... circled around to that vocabularly... referred to something in that vocabulary... or had to consist only OF that vocabulary.
  
  And then... my Lord set me FREE. To love anyone I wanted... and to discuss anything I wanted... with anyone I wanted. I did not know that freedom while I was touching the Borg. But I know it now. Yet... I find that even though I am out of the Borg... and no longer touching her... there are some HERE... who want to bind me, again... to restrict my FREEDOM... and my BOLDNESS... of speech... even though such freedom is written... IN THE BIBLE.

  I LOVE those paragraphs. It is so true (and terrifying and wonderful, that now we are free.)

  Several things came to my mind reading this. One, the only thing I can think of that would really bring on a huge and potentially nasty knee-jerk reaction was talking about anything JW related (once I left, and BEFORE I found this site and started HEALING after all those years of being in denial and feeling so alone!) When anyone asked me what it was like to grow up a Witness, or why JW's do this or that, I would cringe, and literally have a bit of a panic attack. Short breath, tense neck, and rude retort! I guess in those cases, it wasn't so much something I didn't know about, but it was certainly something that brought up pain and panic.

  The similarity is in the FEAR, I suppose. Fear (not money) is the root of all evil. I feared the memories of my life inside the org, and the threats it still posed to myself and my loved ones, and your old friends perhaps feared that which they did not know. Which came first, the feeling of fear or the insecurity? Who knows, but the reaction is the same.

  The other thing is that part of the ongoing wonder of this site is being able to interact with so many who are FRESH OUT!!! They have a lot of un-conditioning to do. Some, like myself, wandered around in denial for years before facing the fear and the TRUTH about the "Truth". Some folks, no matter what their background, never cope with their fears and insecurities. Ever. It's probably a bit sad, but it is much sadder for them than for those of us who attempt to interact with them.

  One more thought. I am afraid that many people have a knee-jerk reaction to anything with the words "god", "bible", or "jesus" in them. I still have a bit of a reaction to the word "church". Perhaps after their (our) experience, they react to all of it the same way that I reacted to anything JW, having thrown the baby out with the proverbial bath water. I even referred to myself as "the anti-religion poster child."

  There are many on here who see your love and brilliant light, Shelby, no matter who or what you want to attribute it to. Personally, I do not believe the bible is the verbatim word of god for many reasons, but I do believe it was written by those who yearned for god, and that (to me) makes it beautiful.

  When it comes to words and light, the two do not often mix. Often we are thwarted by words, when if we just got past them, we would find we are talking about the same things. That reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: "All mystics speak the same language, for they come from the same country." ~Louis Claude de St Martin.

  Love to you, Shelby.
• 

  cameo-d

  AGuest: I was totally taken aback as I never considered "quarry" to be a "big" word.

  (It's not such a really big word. It's just that you were so superior to that car full of backwoods illiterates. Hey. You're nobody if you can't be better than somebody else, right?)

  AGuest: I mean, it's where Fred Flintstone works!

  (Do you mean the company of JWs are dumber than stone age?)

  AGuest: Still, it never occurred to me that "quarry" would be an offensive word.

  (There is nothing offensive about the word itself. It was probably the manner and tone in which it was delivered. )

  AGuest: So, I asked them, "What do YOU call it?" After hesitating for some time, one of them sputtered out, "Well, it's... it's... we call it a ROCK PIT!"

  (Certainly makes you feel superior to point out one's illiteracy or inadequacy, doesn't it? Making them admit it kinda pushes it in their face.)

  AGuest: I personally couldn't fathom it. I would never do that to my husband, even if it wasn't something I knew about. I would either have waited patiently for the subject to change,....

  (again, you are just too superior in manners and etiquette to those you end up with in company. Common folk are just so flawed, aren't they? Personally, I have all ideas that you are too verbose and self centered to allow for very long a conversation that does not concern your self or your views.)

  AGuest: So, my question(s) is/are: do you get offended when someone uses words/phrases... or comments on/discusses something... you are not familiar with?

  (Do I get offended? No, because I realize that if the person truly wanted to communicate with me and cared about my feelings they would "stoop to my level" to make the effort rather than aggrandizing themself to appear to be superior to me. If there are others around that feel the same way, there will often be eye contact among us and some eye rolls because we are all in understanding that some people have to put others down in order to feel better about themselves. Some do it with using behavior out of the league of the company they are in. Take for example, people who overdress for the occassion simply to show they are not really "one of the commoners". Some do it with dress, others do it with words or mannerisms. Sounds like you've got it all down pat.

  Those who think they are superior to others often exhibit this attitude in some manner so as to distinguish themselves from the lower ones.)
• 

  coffee_black

  Cameo... I think you just proved my point better than I ever could...

  Coffee
• 

  GLTirebiter

  Shelby, I don't think "quarry" is too big a word to use in everyday speech. You were using the vocabulary you know, they have a vocabulary they know, and they aren't identical. If everybody accepts that and doesn't try to turn a mere difference into an offense, then we coexist peacefully. But when somebody feels threatened and wants everybody to be just like them, insults and offenses are found everywhere and in every thing--then trying to avoid any possible slight leads us to the dystopian world of Harrison Bergeron. That's no place I would want to be.
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  Darth plaugeis

  Anyone from Boston hears the word Quarry we think of the Old Quincy Quarry.

  Until they filled it in. Every year it would be on the local news for the disappearance of a diver/swimmer 2-3 times a year.

  Some times the body was never located.

  Quarry a Fancy word?... I guess reading the Watchtower/Awake isn't the same as a College Education after all.
• 

  mrsjones5

  Geez, I suppose she would have been really pissed off if you had called it an open excavation.
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  Nickolas

  Your question goes to a larger issue. Linguistics and knowledge are complimentary and tend to advance in lock step, as you yourself illustrated in the recounting of your conversation with the individual who went back to school a few years later and got his GED and AA.. I have noticed, forgive me for the generalisation, that many people in The Truth are subpar on several fronts, including linguistics. Goes with the territory, I'm afraid. This is not stupidity but ignorance, a consequence of horizons kept limited by an almost single minded focus on the bible and religious doctrine.

  During a recent social gathering of a few couples, a dear friend and fishing buddy (who happens to be a Jehovah's Witness) piped up that evolution was stupid. The comment came completely out of the blue, without segway, and it caused the room to go completely quiet. He raised the point, I think, because he has been becoming concerned by my progressive slide toward atheism and he was itching to open up a conversation with me that might help me to see the light. He said, pointing to the cat that was curled up and sleeping on the rug, "See that cat? It used to be a fish! Pretty soon it will be walking on only two feet! How can you believe in something like that?!?" I was embarassed and said nothing in return, no-one did, and the conversation reverted to more neutral topics. It was, is, clearly evident that my good friend is incapable of a theoretical discussion on the process of natural selection and probably doesn't even possess the vocabulary for it.

  Thought provoking post, Aguest.