Please help me on my JW father who WILL NOT leave me ALONE

by skeeter1 45 Replies latest jw experiences

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  skeeter1

  My father will not LEAVE ME ALONE. I need your suggestions on what to do.

  My father is elderly and his health isn't good. Still, he pioneers. But, he is very guilty that he wasn't a better father. He was abusive to us, both physically and mentally. He even killed a pet rabbit of my sister. He had a terrible chldhood. I was born later, and raised in the "Truth" by my mother. My dad was disfellowshipped at the time. While he was disfellowshipped, he went to counseling and became a better person. After I had grown up, my dad started to attend meetings again. He is absolutely relentless about trying to get me back into the Truth.

  Today, i am TOTALLY out of the Truth. If I was baptised, I'd definately be labelled an apostate of most high. I have gone "on the record" multiple times exposing the Watchtower. I was never baptised, so my family talks with me. With the rest of my family, we have a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy when it comes to the Truth.

  My father spends his time writing me and other family members (uncles and aunts) about the Watchtower and beliefs. My uncles and aunts have called me up long distance to ask me whether they should ask him to stop. We have decided that they just throw away his letters. They ignore his writings, but they do find it upsetting. He does not recognize that they have their own deeply held religious views.

  As for me, I get many e-mails that are .wave type files or downloads from watchtower.org. IThis has been going on for years. It's a cycle. He will send ten or so e-mails over a week, at first, I will ignore them. Then, more will keep coming. I'll respond to refute them on their points, he'll send more, I'll refute those, .... This last week, it was clips from Young People Ask and Bible Stories. I even sent him threads on this site discussing these books. He returns with "You'll be one of us one day." I responded that, "I love you as my father, but I know the Watchtower is a cult." I have told him that it's a cult many times over. But, I only send apostate fire when he's sent, literally, tens of tens of pro-JW e-mails/letters.

  I do everything in the world to get him to STOP talking with me about JW stuff.

  I even wrote him this past week that the problems ex-JWs have with JW family members is that the JW family member only wants to recruit them back instead of being interested as a person. So, I responded to 4 of his e-mails with, "How are YOU doing?" He didn't get it, and responded by sending me 4 more e-mails and an "ok" as the response. HE DOESN'T get it.

  His mind is pretty sharp. But, he's always been a daffy, eccentric type of person.

  If his elders knew our conversations, he'd be in for counseling. He is the most relentless Watchtower person. The type that gives Jehovah's Witnesses a bad name.

  I have told him my religious views that I personally now hold. It doesn't sink in that I am a different person. Absolutely no respect. I am in my 40s.

  I have told him many times where I have differences with the Watchtower and Bible itself. It doesn't sink in.

  I am just sick of these upsetting e-mails. I want to respond with kind words so as not to cause him pain.

  I feel like the real idiot as I am arguing with a cult member who is totally indoctrinated.

  What do I do? How do I find the words to tell him to stop?

  To cut him off cold wouldn't be right. I don't cut anyone off cold.

  I am really thinking of asking him to stop. If he does not respect my wishes (which he will not), then I will call his elders so they can counsel him. (Perhaps I am frustrated and mad and just want to lash out?)

  Is there anything written on dealing with children that grew up in the Truth, but left? And, how family members should deal with them? I remember something being posted here, but can't find it.

  Need your thoughts. Many minds are better then one.

  Skeeter
• 

  leavingwt

  My father is elderly and his health isn't good.

  IMHO, just keep hitting the Delete key.
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  serein

  i havnt had ur experiences

  althoe geting same kind of thing im being harrased by an elder that wont leave me alone,

  thinks il come back to

  i think with parents its diff they are just scared that they are going to lose u when paradise comes

  i used to be same wi my daughter when she stoped going a few years back,

  it wont matter what u tell him

  hes so full of it he cant see ur side of the point

  i couldnt wi my daughter

  but i can now and she didnt change my mind i did

  so i think all u can do is keep sending him posts on the wrongs of the watchtower and jws and hopefully hel start to read em and see and it might niggle at him,hes sending u so u send him,
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  dssynergy

  If I were you, I would stop responding to those emails and throw them away like your aunt and uncle do with the letters. Write him an email about how you love him as your father, and want a relationship, etc. but that you would like him to stop sending that material, and that you will not respond to them. Only respond to his emails that contain other material.

  If he doesn't email you without talking about the WT, then you take the lead and periodically write to see how he is, shoot the breeze, etc. No mention of the WT. I would make it a moot point by not responding to the material. At this point in time, it sounds like he will not change. IF you want a relationship with him, you will need to set the boundary, and stop responding rewarding his behavior with your response. When you engage in debate, he still thinks there is a chance to win you over. IF you stop responding, there is nothing for him to struggle against, and the fight will eventually die off.

  Just my 2 cents.

  DS
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  baltar447

  Wow, have you told him this: Dad, I love you as a son, and value a relationship with you, but I'm a "Do-Not-Call" when it comes to discussing religion. Why can't you respect that? Do you keep calling on people in your ministry that say please do not call again?

  Maybe he'll get the idea, maybe not.
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  designs

  A little old age, adult obsessive disorder, guilt over his conduct. Just send him a simple reply- Love you Dad, if you need anything let me know.

  Don't get sucked into the debates with him.

  We're all getting older and hope we don't embarass ourselves to much around the family

  Grandpa designs
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  moshe

  Your father probably is stuck in an obsessive-compulsive behavior mode. Unless he agrees to counseling and possible medical treatment, there is not much you can do. The WT preaching is what makes him feel safe and he thinks more of it is better than less. Good luck.
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  jgnat

  Your dad is not writing for your sake, he is doing it for himself. His entire life screams self-absorption. I don't imagine he sees others as much more than cardboard caricatures. You are an object to which he can express his obsession. Whatever you say or do will have no effect. He doesn't hear you.

  I have a similar parent (not the JW problem) who can't parent. I choose not to be involved, for my own sanity. There's a Rules Assistant in Outlook that can automatically forward your dad's emails to a special folder (mine would be named "Junk", but you can call it, "Read on a Blue Moon" or something similar.)

  I understand, however, the ex-Witness hatred of shunning of any kind. Don't waste your breath trying to change your dad. Like I said, he's not listening; can't listen. All you can do is control your own response. You might make a pact with yourself to respond to one in ten e-mails, and to limit your conversation to non-Witness subjects, like his health.
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  cantleave

  
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  Ding

  Look at it this way.

  While he's spending time writing all that email that you don't want, at least he isn't out banging on doors sucking more people into the cult.

  You've told him you don't want to hear the WT line any more but he keeps sending it, so telling him again most likely won't help.

  I'd just scan the email to see if he includes any personal info or message at all.

  If he does, respond to that part of it only.

  If it's nothing but Watchtower dogma, hit the delete key.

  Send him chatty emails about your life but don't respond to any of the WT pitch.

  In other words, maintain contact with him, but disfellowship the Watchtower.