Mary,
I just followed the link on your project and read the whole thing.
Very nice job!
Please help me on my JW father who WILL NOT leave me ALONE
by skeeter1 45 Replies latest jw experiences
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skeeter1
Thanks everyone for your suggestions. Please keep sending them to me.
OCD. Yep, it fits. He will "talk and talk" about something that happened to him. Once, he got a speeding ticket on vacation (yes, he was speeding) and he ruined the weeklong vacation with it....then it went on for months and months.
He had the hots for a sister that was 25 years younger then him. She was trying to be nice to him and gave him a hug, and he took it the wrong way! He sent her expensive candy, flowers, really fancy gift boxes. . .. all the while she was trying to politely tell him that she wasn't interested. His pursuing her went into the realm of stalking. The elders talked to him. He ignored them, and still brought her stuff. Finally, her adult son asked him to stop. Then, she got married to an newly widowed elder. (The elder's wife had mysteriously died on a cruise ship a few weeks before, or so I am told....)
Luckily, he started to date another sister, this time about his age. He dated her for year (over the phone) and when it got down to decision time, they decided not to. While he is consumed with his chasing women, he doesn't call or write me.
So, I feel like cardboard...like the above poster said. I am the nearest, available outlet for OCD at the moment.
Keep your suggestions coming.
Thanks!
Skeeter
He's in his 80s, and I don't think he's going to get better with his aging brain. I don't know what medicines are out there.
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yknot
Sex is an excellent distraction!
Have you introduced him to 'jwmatch'....
Maybe talk to him and his doctor about diagnosis (OCD) and medications (umm you could lure him into the Dr. Office with viagra!)
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GrandmaJones
Skeeter, reading your last post...forget my advice because I think you are probably right, he has OCD....My advice will just feed his obsession. I take it all back. I don't know what to suggest. I like Yknot's advice (lol) maybe a hottie old gal will get his motor running in a new direction.
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3dogs1husband
Hi Skeeter!
I agree with the other posts, and love the idea of you cracking your father.....but it sounds like you have done your best already. On a very simple note could you help your father find a hobby? And even a hobby that has an online chat forum? Sounds like he loves to write and chit chat and if he had a group to talk to about his new obssesion it sound like it could make everyones life better including him. There are a couple of sisters here who are Farmvile (on fb) addicts. They are on like all they time....I even overhead them talking about what they wanted eachother to help with on their farms during a service coffee break. Playing games online with others is fun and you can chat and be involed, something you could do together with out the WT.
Model airplanes....trains.....wood carving? Oh my father loves puzzles....
Good Luck
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skeeter1
Dating! That's like Pandora's Box! I might get me a new mommie that will make him shun me! What's worse, being shunned or hounded to death? I'll take being shunned at the moment. LOL.
His chasing women . . . I thought the decision on whether or not to marry this last one was going to KILL him. She didn't want to move to the South, and he didn't want to move to the North (snow, winter). Her family are muckity-muck JWs, and they didn't want mom to leave. They seem like nice people and were concerned about her getting married. They put their foot down and she stayed. My dad didn't want to sell his home, in case he wanted to return. She wouldn't accept being a snowbird life. So, it didn't work. He called EVERYONE in the KH and went on for months and months on what to do.
At least I wasn't the object of his obsessions.
Hobbies. He used to like to ballroom dance, but he WILL NOT go to any "worldly" function where he'd be asked to dance with anyone who wasn't his wife.
He used to also be a garage guy, just building/fixing things as a hobby. Now, he's given over to the cult personality and has given up his interests in favor of pioneering. When I encourage him to do something else, he says, "No, I'm happy being a pioneer. I'm putting in all my efforts for Field Service."
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3dogs1husband
oohhh a perfect hobby for him. My husband has an uncle who buys old hand held computers, and puts the WT library on them for the pioneers and well evry one in the cong. It is great he spends hours on ebay trying to win them cheap and then hours fixing them up so that the lovely pioneers have the cd rom at their finger tips while out in the ministry.
(the one he made me is a dell axim...very cool wt toy i used it at all the meetings to play solitare, pretending I was following along in the bible...the elders never asked me to stop. when they got after my mother inlaw for using it instead of the actual books durring the meeting....she told them she has bad arthritus, and it is hard to carry around all the books, and that these hand helds are a blessing to the baby boomers plus baby boomers they love techi stuff and will use it. and she asked the how they will put their library in there emergency kit?hahhaaha)
lol just tell him you joined acult and now you need to shun him!!!! I feel for you!.
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serenitynow!
jgnat, I think you are exactly right. My mom is similar in that she always tries to sneak in some religious talk even though I've made it clear that I don't believe any of it anymore. The idea about responding to just a fraction of his numerous emails is a good way to protect your own sanity without totallly shunning him. My mom can talk for hours about the bible, or a book or movie. She doesn't have conversations, just very long monologues. I've gotten to the point that when she starts, I say no, let's have an actual conversation. She requires alot of redirection.
Skeeter, I think part of the problem also with your father is that his letters to you and the fam probably accounts for most of his pioneer time, he's probably counting the family as return visits, he might even consider you a bible study especially with you writing back with your own beliefs and research, so good luck getting that to stop. Just ignore, respond once in a while with only real conversation, no religion.
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Nickolas
Some excellent advice above. Both my father and father-in-law suffered severe dementia and had to be institutionalized before they died. Both went a little bonkers before their brains started to really rot. Hope that's not it in your case, but you might want to address the possibility in your mind. If you have satisfied your dad's not going crazy and if, as Aguest suggests, he is operating in guilt mode he may just be ready for some extra measure of determination on your part to get him the hell out of there.