A Lurker taking a step out of the shadows

by AlmightyDog 44 Replies latest jw friends

  • AlmightyDog
    AlmightyDog

    I have been lurking on this site and others for a couple of years now, and I feel it is time to step out and say "Hello!" When I first began investigating my beliefs, it was innocent enough. I had been reading an article on Scientology, thinking; "Wow, these people are just plain nuts!!!" but then thought "Hey, wait a minute...this sure does sound familiar. Am I this crazy?" It was the incredible amount of information control that really got to me, and I figured if there is nothing to hide, an investigation can't hurt. I spent hours reading posts on this site, JW Facts, and even Six Screens. (Six Screens was quite "evil apostate" looking, I'm glad it has been toned down a little) I was serving as an MS at the time and knew I was on track to become an elder soon. I shared with my wife that I was having some doubts about the organization, and it absolutely crushed her. I did not want my marriage to end, so I did my best to forget what I had learned and focus on 'making the "Truth" my own." It was amazing how quickly she forgot that anything was ever wrong so long as I appeared to be faithful. I was appointed an Elder within a couple of months of that happening, which was the surest sign for me that appointments are NOT made by Holy Spirit.

    I have never felt quite the same since this journey began. Once you've seen the man behind the curtain, it's just impossible to believe in the Wizard any longer. A few weeks ago I confessed to my wife that the doubts have not gone away, and tried to share several of my concerns, such as the UN/NGO affiliation, unbiblical stance on blood, flip-flopped new light, and you know the rest. This time it really scared her, so she and her parents arranged an intervention to "snatch me out of the fire". (BTW, my in-laws are in the same congregation and my FIL is on the elder body with me) I love and respect my wife and her family, and I did not want to come off as an argumentative apostate, but they just refuse to listen to reason. So I listened respectfully to their concerns and counsel and told them I would consider matters deeply and prayerfully. Since then they have been very active in ecouraging us to go in FS with them and have been coming over for a family WT study every week. I have kept my mouth shut since the intervention, and again, everyone's happy so long as we are keeping up appearances of the perfect JW family. I feel so stupid because it seems I have driven my wife deeper into the brainwashing. So now I'm faced with the most difficult decision of my life. I could continue on like this indefinitely just hoping that something wakes my wife up. That would at least keep the family together and relatively happy. However, I have 2 small children, and nothing scares me more than knowing that I could allow them to be placed in the same situation I am in now. I want them to be free and happy. It's so hard though, because I feel I have nothing to offer in exchange for the witness delusion. The WT has my wife, both sets of loving grandparents, and the promise of everlasting life with pet Lions. "Poor Daddy has been tricked by Satan, but if we stay faithful, maybe someday he'll come back." HOW DO I COMPETE WITH THAT?????

    Thank you all for taking the time to read my ramblings. I wanted to type the perfect introduction, well thought out and organized, but I finally have reached the point where I just have to get things off my chest and put it out there. I hope to be able to share more in the near future.

    AD

  • leavingwt
    leavingwt

    Welcome. You are in a tough situation, for sure.

  • stuckinamovement
    stuckinamovement

    Welcome Dog,

    I am in the same place hang in there.

    SIAM

  • drewcoul
    drewcoul

    AD,

    Great to meet you. I empathize with your situation. It sounds like you have a wonderful family. I can appreciate your inlaws and their interest in trying to encourage you. It is with love that they are acting, and that's obvious to me. Even though they may be wrong, and unreasonable, they are motivated by love, and it seems like you appreciate that.

    You have quite a row to hoe. I was raised as a Witness, and have been out for just a few years. I'm still deprogramming.

    Keep prayerful, and remember we don't stand as a group before God, we stand as individuals. You have to do what's best for you and your family.

    I wish you all of the best, and Welcome!

  • laverite
    laverite

    Welcome, A.D.!!! At least you have woken up. As tough as it is to be a member of the conscious class, if it were possible, would you want to go back to believing in the lies? There's hope for your family. Don't give up hope.

  • s0rt3d
    s0rt3d

    Hello AD! Welcome!

    Re your wife, I look at the situation as if the brainwashed person is an addict. An alcoholic, for example, won't admit he needs help or that anything is wrong until it clicks in his own mind. Someone who is still in and devoted can't see or understand the logic of the REAL truth. It will take time and lots of patience. I'm sure others on the board in similar situation will be very helpful.

    You've got to try to create doubts in her mind ever so subtly and carefully. Timing is crucial. Whatever happens continue to be loving and kind and all that a good husband can be. She'll eventually see that you aren't evil and may be willing to quietly give some thought to the concerns ('apostate' views) that you have.

    I strongly recommend a reading of Steve Hassan's 'Combatting Cult Mind Control' before you renew your attempts to help your family out of the cult.

    (Look at JWfacts - there is information there on mind control.)

    Good luck in your efforts to free your family.

  • snowbird
    snowbird

    Welcome, (((((((AD))))))).

    I feel you.

    I have a college-educated daughter who is zealous to a fault, so I know your frustration.

    I'm praying right now for you to find the strength to do what you have to do.

    Love and peace to you.

    Syl

  • s0rt3d
  • NewChapter
    NewChapter

    Welcome Almighty!

    You have a lot of decisions in front of you, and there are no easy or obvious answers. The wonderful thing is that you have reached out, and now you have an outlet for your feelings, and support in what you decide. That will prove to unburdeon you quite a bit! There is something so freeing about "coming out" here.

    I feel so stupid because it seems I have driven my wife deeper into the brainwashing.

    You really don't need to feel stupid if you choose not to. She simply did what she was trained to do. This is completely expected, and had very little to do with you. Many situations will cause her to act the same way. You already know what is happening in the JW mind and cong, so clearly, you know what you are up against. I suppose the only thing I'd recommend is that when dealing with your wife, don't let on that you have viewed anything apostate. Other than that, insert very tiny questions.

  • undercover
    undercover

    Welcome, AD...

    That's a tough situation you're in, but you're not alone. Many here have gone through it or are still going through it. No easy answers or solutions. Just another indication that the JW religion is a cult. You can't question or criticize and you have to put on a facade to keep from losing family.

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