A Lurker taking a step out of the shadows

by AlmightyDog 44 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  sabastious

  Latter day Pharisees are no different. Honest speech should not be condemned by truth seekers; only by loyalty testers.

  The Elders that have been contact with me through my exit of the Organization turned out not to be loyalty testers. For the exact reason you stated: I have always spoke to them with honesty and they could not deny my genuine position. Of course I never had a place in the congregation past Baptized Publisher so I guess I am no real threat to them anyway.

  Most Elders turn out to be loyalty testers though. When the sh*t hits the fan even the alleged humble ones can swiftly turn sour.

  -Sab
• 

  sabastious

  Welcome AD to the forum!

  -Sab
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  A big almighty welcome. Of course you will decide your own path on all this and weigh the value of our "free" advice.

  I am not a fan of staying "in-and active" for the sake of a spouse, but it has worked for others. I didn't have children, but I would have hit the door even faster if I did, so they could start seeing the reality of the situation. I faded fast, maintaining my marriage to a JW. It's solid, still. But she's a JW still. Some with children went ahead and DA'ed to save their children, some stayed in until they got the kids out.

  While you are deciding, you can educate yourself. One book that seemed fairly well balanced (despite it's Christian tone) to help with family was "How to Rescue Your Loved One from the Watchtower" by David Reed. http://www.amazon.com/How-Rescue-Your-Loved-Watchtower/dp/0801077524

  And one set of books that everyone should read are Steven Hassan's two books. Particularly, his second book, will help with helping family members.
  http://www.freedomofmind.com/resourcecenter/books/rtb.htm

  Sometimes, you can find these at a public library.
• 

  clarity

  AlmightyDog hello & welcome,

  Who'da thunk all those years ago that we would have this problem today! Gee, at first, it sounded so nice ... and I didn't really want to ever die at all ..& the pet lions and stuff............................

  Hang in there AD, perhaps read Terry's comments very carefully. I couldn't add anything to them except to say his advice is right on and also exactly what I needed to hear at this time too. It's great to have this help and hope you find your way here.

  clarity
• 

  AlmightyDog

  Thank you all for the kind welcome and advice. I wish I had time to respond to each of you individually, but I cannot as I am at work. The reason I feel stupid at times is that I have read all of this advice before when given to others. I know I must take it slow and try to introduce new thoughts subtly. However, once we begin a discussion I have a hard time holding back the things I have learned, especially when she refuses to acknowledge facts. I feel the same kind of zeal that is always talked about at the KH, only now it is zeal for the real truth.

  She told me the other day that doctrine does not matter at all to her. She does not care to think deeply about those things. She just knows this is the truth because we don't celebrate pagan holidays, participate in wars, and lead clean moral lives, etc. She looks at her biological father, who was really a lousy drunk, and thinks that all worldy people are just like him. Her mom was "rescued" by Jehovah and his organization. Her life has turned out so much better because of the truth, so there is no way it can be wrong. I'm not sure how to make a convincing argument to someone who does not care about the facts. This is entirely an emotional commitment for my wife. I know that I may never free her, but I fear for my children.

  I will be reading Hassan's books and COC soon. Hopefully I'll find some more answers there.
• 

  dontplaceliterature

  willyloman:

  Awesome.
• 

  3Mozzies

  I know I must take it slow and try to introduce new thoughts subtly. However, once we begin a discussion I have a hard time holding back the things I have learned, especially when she refuses to acknowledge facts. I feel the same kind of zeal that is always talked about at the KH, only now it is zeal for the real truth.

  You sound like me when I found out the WT$ was a big lie/scam.

  I would (with so much zeal) go all out and explain EVERYTHING I had learnt, thinking: "This will wake them up" but it did not, it drove most deeper in.

  Hassan's books are a great help in dealing with our loved ones stuck in the cult . . .

  BTW: Welcome AD

  3Mozzies
• 

  dontplaceliterature

  @AlmightyDog

  Crisis of Conscience is a revelation, but I don't think it will answer any questions. It will however, confirm for you just how impossible it is for The Watchtower Bible & Tract Society to be Jehovah's earthly organization.

  It's a real mind bender for anyone who has never looked into the history of the organization before.

  I read it the week I joined this forum. There were times when I wanted to throw the book accross the room in disbelief. It is definitely a real eye-opener and a MUST READ.
• 

  Gayle

  You can not change your parents or in-laws, or wife. They made their choices and lives.

  However, some day, you will have to answer to your children. Comes too soon. (I am a grandma now). But while they're very small do all you can do to have their minds grow, their individual thinking ability to grow at a child's pace, yet with respect for their mother. Open them to non-judgementalism,,that there are good people out there. That they can have hobbies, sports, learning so much, a goal for college, good grades along the way. You can set them free with your discernment in the daily life.
• 

  Cadellin

  Welcome, Dog. I, took, am in a similar situation. It's really hard keeping a marriage together when one of you sees this religion for what it is (human to the core) and the other still thinks the FDS are God's channel. I'm just telling you straight. That said, it's not impossible. I have an elder husband and a child and I've had to be honest with him, just like you've been with your wife. Our child is old enough to understand what it means to be caught in the middle and I can't say it hasn't caused a degree of anguish for our child.

  This is how I've handled it: All I can be is honest with my child. I've told my child exactly why I don't believe anymore. I've talked about evolution and the tremendous evidence. But I've also instilled respect for my husband's beliefs. And I"ve made it clear to my child that my support is there regardless of what choices my child chooses to make in life.

  Please keep us informed on how things go. And, yes, by all means, read Crisis of Conscience. It's amazing.