I have had it with my mother. I've spoken on the board before about her. She is fanatically religious, often keeps me on the phone for hours while she talks endlessly about the bible. Attempts to steer her to other topics are never successful. When I get off the phone with her, I just feel tired. I don't get anything out of our relationship. We never talk about life, goals, feelings, or other things that "normal" mothers and daughters talk about. We don't discuss real life issues. If I do attempt to talk about anything "real" she manages to go off on a tangent about how if I pray, or read the bible, that will cure all. Like when I told her that I didn't believe in god anymore, her response was that I should "pray to jehovah."
Since leaving the JWs I've actually been making progress toward being emotionally healthy. Lately I've been remembering a lot of stuff from my childhood; specific incidents where she was actually emotionally abusive- like when I was 13 and she accused me of having sex with a guy I grew up with because I was sad that he was murdered. Evidently, it's inappropriate to express feelings of sadness when a person dies. I think it came back to me because the anniversary of my grandma's (mom's mom) death is tomorrow, and it was very difficult for me. Also, it just dawned on me that I've never seen my mother cry, my sister hasn't either. Trust me, there was no shortage of things to cry about growing up. She has no problem expressing rage- my sister remembers more about the physical abuse than I do, though.
Anyway, I decided to tell my mother about all the things that I remembered, and how I was hurt. Of course, per her usual, she claimed not to remember anything. Regardless, I gave my mom an ultimatum. I told her that unless she changes how she communicates with me, that I will cut her out of my life. I told her that I am through listening to her endless bible commentaries, and that if she can't have real conversations with me, and provide me with emotional support, then I am done with her. I told her that she and I will have the same kind of relationship my father and I have- none.
I have no idea what will happen. I do know that after I had that long, tearful (I cried, she didn't) conversation, I felt so much better. I didn't realize that I had so much resentment pent-up.
Is it too late for me to be adopted by some nice worldly couple?
