Toxic Relationships (page 5)

Lady Lee

Lori

Are you sure you aren't talking about my mother?

I agree totally that the WTS re-inforces their sense of entitlement. Honor your parents and all that crap. Honor is given when it is due. If I had seen an adult around when I was growing up that I could honor I would still be at their feet now. Instead I got a parent that only allowed me to be with her when it suited her needs, only ever bothered with me when I could do something for her. Narcissitic people are impossible to please and still have a sense of who you are. They won't allow it because if you start thinking about yourself you just might forget them and that can't be permitted so they keep you on a short leash and dangle the carrot just out of reach

hmmmm doesn't that sound like an organization we were involved with? There have been a few articles written about Rutherford being a narcissist. It would make sense that an organiztion he invented (it bore little resemblance to Russel's WTS) would not only contain his character flaws but attract people with similar charater flaws

LV101

Lady Lee --- I totally agree w/your words to Snooze above and relate with you 100%. I read his/her post and it's so NOT reality. Declined family get together today for same reasons --- when I subject myself to these evil people (bio-parent, hard to use the word "mother") and the results are always the same and I end up miserable. actually, the bio-parent is so EVIL she can't stand the family getting together (she conquers/divides) but invite was from nephew's wife so the ole evil monster had no control --- and my sister is crazy like her, not quite as EVIL. the bio-mother is not mentally ill w/any biological brain disorder, just evil as majority of them are.

Yrs. ago read the book, When Mothers/Daughters Can't be Friends and tried/applied for few months of my life before realizing I followed the WRONG ADVICE, WRONG CHAPTER, whatever, I hate that book although I realize there's paragraphs about relinquishing all contact w/a certain type, which I should have chosen.

One has to FACE REALITY and give up their fantasies, whatever, and it's not for the weak nor is it easy. EVEN setting boundaries means to risk losing the love of one that you've craved for so very long and getting in touch with the SADNESS of what you do not have with that person instead of working hard to get it -- the working hard keeps you from GRIEF AND KEEPS YOU STUCK. It's all about acceptance of reality of WHO THEY ARE and letting GO OF THE FANTASIES/WISHES for them to be different and this is the essence of GRIEF/SAD INDEED --- and if there's some magic I missed out there to have a loving mother/father/sibling, whatever, relationship --- bring it on. It aint in the stars.

I've heard Joyce Meyer talk about the commandment to honor your parent and HOW CAN YOU DO THIS other than providing housing/meds/food/covering, if necessary, when you can't SURVIVE and have a relationship w/them. this is a big enough Bible command to care for your enemies. Maybe that's what she's referring to, but the honoring thing is perplexing.

Satanus

I can relate. I'm relieved that my mother is shunning me.

S

Snoozy

I never said anything about going back to someone that abused you..don't put words in my mouth please. My point was that many just want to get back at their parents by saying..I'm done with you without even thinking there may be a better way. They want to hurt them the same way they were hurt.

People need to be strong enough to stand up for what they believe and let the offending party know this. It doesn't always involve "Cutting them out of their lives and their kids lives.." That in itself can be very damaging to a child. (And them) as they really aren't solving the problem but creating new ones.

Learning to deal in this type situation is sometimes better than running.

I do have to say if a parent/child cuts you off you have no choice..but if they are at least talking I would not totally cut them off but still make certain restriction be known to them. (You're no one's doormat!)

Sometimes cutting someone off is running away from the problem. Sometimes the problem is letting them "Walk all over you " and you don't have the strength to stand up to them..That is where I suggest counseling to help learn how to better deal with the problem.

I certainly wouldn't recommend or encourage anyone to go back to a abusive husband or parent. (big sigh!)

Snoozy

chase

i feel for you. very similar situation. i think it is funny how bible teaching are distorted for personal ends. i love "thout shall honor thy pops and moms". george carlin said it best... respect is earned not automatic.

Snoozy

Question for any one here that are loving /caring parents:

How would you handle it if your child decided they wanted to be a JW and you saw them going that way?

Would you constantly try to keep them from taking that road?

Possibly calling them constantly telling them the horrors of their path?

Would you put the religion down and let them know how evil they are?

Just curious...

If you loved your child wouldn't you want to protect them from the horrors of the JW religion?

To what extent would you try to keep them from going that way?

Snoozy

Chase, I look at it as show respect for someone and it will be returned..if not dust your shoes off and carry on..

If I don't respect someone else I can't respect myself..

JMO..

Snoozy

To me "Earning respect" is like "Earning love"..it just is.

LV101

Snoozy I used to try so hard to "fix" everything just to have a mummy/sissy. omigoodness -- unfortunately, the more you try and do and love and forgive the more you're rejected/abandoned ---- UNLESS they need to use you for something. I agree w/you that every possible attempt should be made to be peaceable/loving with all. Children of evil parents will keep going back for more abuse (generally) with the HOPE THAT THIS TIME IT WILL BE DIFFERENT THAN THE MILLION OTHER TIMES --- just to have this inborn craving of love from a parent met. It's not easy turning your back and letting go and letting God -- or other higher being or filling this void with someone who can love -- like a puppy or helping those less fortunate/disadvantaged, whatever. REALITY is so hard and we do anything to avoid going thru the pain/GRIEF/SUFFERING AND IT'S CALLED DENIAL.

Lady Lee

Snoozy

I hear you. I really do. But I don't think there is anyone who has posted on this thread that had the average imperfect parent. We all had parents who were so dysfunctional that having a relationship with them was toxic - hence the title of the thread.

I am 58 years old and there is only 1 time that I can recall that my mother was ever really there for me. From hearing constantly how I ruined her life because she got pregnant before she was married and wished I had never been born to beatings, abuse, neglect and adandonment to the present shunning there isn't a lot of room for forgiveness. Am I bitter? I think I am past that. Way past that. I just know I never really had a mother.

But I know I can't make her be something that she isn't. I accept her how she is and if she was not biologically related to me I would have nothing to do with her. So why do a few genes make the difference? It takes more than giving birth to be a mother.

Amelia Ashton

How would you handle it if your child decided they wanted to be a JW and you saw them going that way?

Make it clear your love for them is bigger than any religion and is unconditional.

Tell them what you know, secret elders manual, the 607/587 controversy and the shunning policy. Flip flopping doctrines etc and failed prophecies. I have a JW scrapbook so would give them a copy.

Try to find out what is so lacking in their life they would even contemplate joining this evil cult and address that. I don't believe truely happy or contented people convert.

If they insist on still going down that route, let them know you will be there to pick up the pieces when it all goes horribly wrong and they discover it is a cult.

Toxic Relationships

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