by jam 76 Replies latest jw friends
Cyberjesus . . . if there are too many earthquakes all over the world.
Accepting that "too many" is purely subjective, I personally have felt just on 5000 earthquakes kick me in the ass over the last 6 months (no I'm not kidding) . . . and I still aint going back!
Maybe if they manage to convert the other 7 billion of you in my lifetime I'll look at it again . . . but only to stop you all bangin on my friggin door! . . . and i've never liked being the odd one out.
On second thought . . . on this occasion I'll make an exception
When it starts raining sugarplum fairies from the sky
When they roll my coffin past one, break down and detour into a KH parking lot to await AAA.
Knowing what I now know about them, there aren't enough world events to make me want to run back to the JWs.
I would go back if the next scenario would happend:
Space. The final frontier. A massive Borg Cube has passed Uranus' orbit and heading vigurously towards Earth. It is 24 april 2012 and despite proffesor OBVES and dr. Larsinger's warnings, the worlds leaders are completely oblivious to the invaders. Soon, the Cube enters behind the Moon. They immediately issue a warning to all world leaders: "We are the Borg Cube YHWH. You will be assimilated. Do not resist. Resistance is futile". In the Oval Chamber, Obama chews his nails, trembling in fear, but has enough spirit to say: "Secretary, prepare the SUITCASE. All defenses are on code red starting now. We will fight these bastards". On the other side of the globe, Ghaddafi and Osama bin Laden kiss and embrace each other. "Goddamn, Muhhamad screwed us. He got it all wrong! We will never join those who deceived us!" says Osama and Ghaddafi silently shakes his head in approval. China was the quickest to react and it's military mobilizes for defense. The world is decided to fight a war that is already lost.
All around the world, the JWs have entered the Kingdom Halls and closed their doors from inside. They are joyfully singing hymns to Jehovah. In their secret bunker, the GB members are celebrating with champagne, caviar and Cuban cigars. "We knew they would come!" says Losch, from a dense cloud of smoke. "And the world thought Russel was a crook and Rutherford was a drunkard. Now, dear brothers, we will join the Borg and become immortal. All KH are sealed and the JWs all around the world will be raptured onboard the Cube in the next hours. The great Babylon will be destroyed by YHWH with fire from the heavens. Generations have passed and overlapped and overlapped, but we have obeyed. We are Borg!". They sip their last gulps of champagne and suddenly they are disintegrated by the Cube's teleporters. All around the world, the JWs are moved on YHWH's decks. 144.000 enforcer cyborgs are scanning the blood directives of all JWs. Those who do not have them are immediately shot with a plasma cannon and they are burned to ash in a second. Also, all those who are older than 50 years are burned. The rest are connected to the assimilation modules. The Cube directs it's death-ray cannons towards Earth, while all it's mining corvettes start their engines, prepared to pillage all useful minerals from the dead planet. The JWs were right all along, but no one payed attention to them...
Epilogue: impressed by professor OBVES' and dr. Larsinger's clarvoyance, the Borg decide to rapture them too and study their brains in order to futher their already advanced understanding of the Universe.
That is too funny, DargothUr.LOL
I don't think i have a frontal labotomy scar????
Preaching time requirements?
Meeting requirements?
dress length suggestions and requirements?
who is an appropriate associate? One who attends all meetings? Or one who attends and comments at least once? Or one who attends and comments appropriately twice and whose answers are concise and which stick to the paragraph? What about someone who tries to comment by holding his or her hand up for every question but who is never called upon? Is that a subtle indication by the elder conducting that this person is to be marked or something?
What is proper employment? Should I work in a store which sells cigarrettes? Can I work in a hospital and sterilize equipment which might be used for unchristian type surgeries? What about handing out medicine or hormones to gays in the line of my pharmacy tech work? Should I say hello or greet an ex JW when they are the cashier or store clerk helping me?
Should I work full time or part time? My job insists I work Saturdays.
What kind of colors should I decorate my home with so others will not think I am celebrating a holiday?
(One Bethelite advised that three bricbrac items only should be on a tabletop and no more for Christian decor. More than that appears materialistic) If I am an elder's wife what example should I set?
Should we celebrate our Wedding Anniversary? Is it worship of our marriage to give gifts to each other at that time?
Should I seek medical help to have a child if I am married and cant have one myself?
What does the Watchtower say about adoption or fostering a child?
If I am having depression troubles, should I seek medical help? Or should I just pray more and go out in service more?
I am an unmarried sister, is it wrong for me to help a disabled man bathe and dress in the morning as part of my job?
A sister said my purse looks like a "hooker's purse", should I discontinue to use it?
Should I buy anything from the Salvation Army? Money is tight and I am only working part time.
These are just some of the daily questions, dillemmas and concerns of the super conscientious JW which I proudly was.
The answers to these questions and a thousand others fill the pages of the Watchtower and Awake magazines.(Notice the Awake is always headlined with a question? As if the average person needed to look outside his own conscience for the answer)
They meddle into the minutia of Christian conscience so much so that the conscientious witness does not even exercise his or her own conscience after awhile because all the answers to everything are in the Watchtower or Awake...right? Or why does the society archive the magazines?
The views and opinions of earnest JWs eventually become enmeshed with Watchtower-speak. The views are all based on a firm belief that the Watchtower's interpretation of the apostles' words and Jesus' words and God's own words and all the Bible's principles and teachings is the only right interpretation of the Holy Scriptures.
Eventually they give up all right to their own lives and opinions to the Watchtower and live in hope of being spared at Armageddon to live and serve a new government on a changed earth for a thousand years during a judgement period.
Then, finally if still alive and serving loyally they are granted life everlasting on earth and continue to serve God faithfully on earth as the angels do in heaven.
I left the Watchtower organization after 35 years. After my baptism in 1972 there was rarely ever that cozy warm feeling that I was safe and secure in Jehovahs love as long as there were meeting requirements and field service requirements or the possiblity of stumbling another person. As a married couple we became very plastic smiling zombies in our neighborhood. Be nice but dont get too close with others in the neighborhood or at work or even with worldly relatives. It was rather a stressful and unhappy life. Pioneering, not going anywhere due to congregation responsibilites. I got pneumonia from going out in field service in the winter cold when I pioneered but I had no medical insurance due to just working as housecleaner at the time. Crazy.
I also had extreme witness relatives. Do you know what an extreme witness is? You may not. They are the ones who compete with everyone to be the best witness. They want to be first in line when called to the paradise. They study their watchtower in front of you. They keep their Awakes and Watchtowers on the coffee table like in the pictures in the Awake magazines. They are always saying "Praise Jah!" (even though they know you already do) They have their "family Bible Study" it seems everytime you want to do something with them. If wordly family members visit they leave them at the house and go to the meetings if they refuse to go to the meetings too, citing "what if Armageddon came during the next two hours? They pioneer as a family and have parts on the platform at the District Assembly and they are elders and elder wives......I was too but they made me feel like I was never good enough. Not slim enough (I must be a secret glutton) or not rich enough (Jehovah isnt blessing me) I dont know.
Anyway, this question of what world events would cause you to run back to the JW religion?
That is not going to happen.
However I am watching world events and would not mind if God wanted to step in and do something. And I no longer am concerned whether I am a survivor of such an event.
I welcome our creator correcting the immense unhappiness on the earth and saving the earth from man's destruction.
Glory to God in the heavens!
Anewme
An open bar, optional nudity, and absolutely no discussion of WT doctrine. I might consider it then.
