I've been outed...

by brotherdan 303 Replies latest jw friends

  • moshe
    moshe
    And telling you to go find someone to sleep with. She seems pretty shallow.

    Hmm, yes, yes.

    I was thinking Jaquarbass, how quickly after the divorce that I discovered my JW ex-wife was in the bottom 20% of good fish. I had been dishonored and belittled by her for quite a few years due to my slacker JW ways. Noting I did outside the KH amounted to anything for her. What did my JW ex-wife discover? -was she able to land a brother? No, hardly any brother would have anything to do with her. I surmise that once a brother found out she back-stabbed her husband (even for the WT religion) they just didn't want to take a chance that she would knife them, too. Talking about your apostate ex-husband is the kiss of death in the JW speed dating world- and as long as you have kids you will be involved in your kids lives- visitation, phone calls, etc. No JW wants to have to deal with his girlfriend's apostate ex-husband. She will likely never find a JW man to replace you, Daniel.

  • strymeckirules
    strymeckirules

    sounds to me like theres a demon messing with your life. happened to me.

    they don't like it when someone gets freed and attempts to free others.

    they put a stop to that asap. however nessecary.

    also sounds like you're in the JOB position. have you thought about cursing god yet?

    DON'T DO IT.

    they're trying to get you to. going back to them is turning your back on truth.

    you're in a chess match with spirit creatures influencing humans around you.

    words of comfort - whoever leaves his family for my names sake, his reward will be great in heaven-matt19:29

    realistically, i think you gotta make sure they don't turn your kids on you. no matter how much you love your wife, she loves the religion more than you. she will choose the religion over you. save your kids. teach them the truth as fast as you can to counteract brain wash.

    you're in the Job position. you are being tested. try to separate logic and emotion and keep emotion locked away until the situation settles a little more.

    good luck.

  • garyneal
    garyneal
    Interesting wrinkle. You haven't asked anyone for money or physical support, have you Dan?

    I think the money thing is a reference to Yiziman.

  • VampireDCLXV
    VampireDCLXV
    I think the money thing is a reference to Yiziman.

    I haven't a clue what you mean. If that's an actual con, can we talk about that on my JWN cons thread?

    V665V665

  • Nickolas
    Nickolas

    I think the money thing is a reference to Yiziman.

    Ok, thanks, garyneal. The thread grew gangbusters while I was away. It looks like BD has bailed from being called out by others. The little JWN soap opera continues.

  • tec
    tec

    I need to recant something I said earlier. I said you need to find another place to live. That was a biased reaction based on the thought that the kids would automatically remain with her, and I apologize.

    Of course, if you and your wife split and the kids do remain with her, THEN you move out. If you and your wife split, but the kids remain with you, then she moves out. Basically, the kids get the home. Period. Perhaps you should not be so quick to concede the children considering her mental/physical health, but that is a decision you have to make with THEIR best interests at heart. Not yours. Not hers. Theirs.

    You are also not the first or only man of faith who has lost loved ones because of THEIR decisions. God cannot (or will not) make your wife embrace His Son, or support you and the vows she made to you. Those things are in her power, according to her desire. Lead by example; that is the best thing that you can do. Be a good father, a compassionate man/husband. I agree with everyone that you should see someone about your lack of self-esteem. You're not seeing this situation clearly, and so are allowing yourself to be stomped on unjustly. You're even buying into it the unfair things people are saying to and about you.

    We can only say that it is not your fault so many times. You have to realize that yourself. Concentrate on getting yourself healthy and caring for your children.

    Love and strength to you,

    Tammy

  • garyneal
  • djeggnog
    djeggnog

    @brotherdan:

    I am SOOOOO sorry for how judgemental I have been to all of you over the last months. What a bitch I've been. I hope I haven't hurt any of you in a real way.

    Ok. I accept your apology, @brotherdan.

    And please don't call me brotherdan. I'm not a brother. I'm Daniel. And I am a real person. I hurt people. And I've hurt the person that I love most in my life.

    Ok, Daniel.

    Misery, I have no remorse.... I've pretended for the last 2 years. No more! My tongue will get me df'd and some of them may walk out with a limp that they didn't previously have. They destroyed the only thing that I ever loved....my family.... I'm a little pissed at you too, misery, that you are allowing yourself to continue to be part of that group.... I have nothing but love for you misery. But [I wish] you would come to your senses.

    This sounds a tad hypocritical, that you have pretended to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses, but continued to mislead others into thinking that you were otherwise (maybe you even offered a prayer for a group of Jehovah's Witnesses once or twice before going out into field service), and yet you are here telling @miseryloveselders here how "pissed" you are that he has been putting on a pretense himself. Just an observation.

    My "master" has left me all alone in this entire thing. I am so angry at him. The hurt that he lets me have is too much. I think 1Cor 10:13 is the biggest joke in the world. I've passed the point of what I can bear. I can't bear anymore.... But maybe he isn't my master.

    You've taken Paul's words here at 1 Corinthians 10:13 out of context, but none of what you tell us has recently taken place in your life has anything to do with Jesus being or not being your "master.

    I will never be able to get myself together. You guys don't realize how in love I am with my wife. She is my everything. And this religion shat all over it. She saved me from myself. And I almost killed her. That's what I do. I hurt. I help people self destruct.

    Now which is it: (A) Do you believe the religion, the doctrinal beliefs of Jehovah's Witnesses, that "shat all over" your marriage here, to be what led to your wife's accusing you of stress that she believes you to have been the cause for her seizure last Saturday, or whatever the MRI determines this episode to have been? (B) Do you believe your wife to have been correct in adducing stress as being the cause for her seizure because you seem to have a knack for 'helping people to self-destruct'? Which of these -- (A) or (B) -- do you believe to be true, Daniel?

    You say that you are "in love" with your wife, and I do not doubt this, but you mentioned not just her comment as to your being the cause of "major stress in her life," but you mentioned something that she told her father that led to his contacting the elders about your being "an extreme apostate":

    It was the scariest moment in my life. Her entire face turned blue and she stopped breathing. They brought her back. The doctors could not find a reason, but said that most likely it was brought on my stress. She told them that I was the major stress in her life. But I stayed by her side. She told her dad that it is because I am an apostate. He called the elders on me last night and told them that I was such an extreme apostate that I am giving my wife medical problems.

    Then you wrote:

    Watching her seize and pretty much die was the worst experience in my life. She asked me to find a new place to live. I had to tell my son and he [immediately] started crying.

    Why would you tell your children that you have to find a new place to live or that you were even considering leaving home to find another place to live? I re-read your words in this thread: You guys don't realize how in love I am with my wife. She is my everything. Even if your wife had accused you of adultery -- and she didn't -- why would you be thinking about moving out and away from your children when, as a married man, you have a duty to your wife and to your children to fulfill? If you were a non-believer and had committed adultery, the question would never be put to your wife as to when she was planning to move away and divorce you for what you did. In such a case, the question that would be put to her would be whether she had been able to forgive you your transgression?

    Now Jehovah doesn't like divorcements, and maybe she wanted to forgive you also for the sake of the children, but she accepted your apology as sincere and elected not to divorce you. But you are still one of Jehovah's Witnesses and yet you've actually given some consideration to moving away from your home when what we're talking about here is apostasy?

    [I] will have my judicial meeting with the elders where I get to hear that fucking "apostate" word again.... [N]ow my mama will never talk to me again. Nor will my daddy.... My wife said she will sue for sole [custody] without visitation. I'm sure the courts won't uphold that. But it still hurts.

    You are concerned about the outcome of a judicial committee, and the reception of your parents toward you should you be disfellowshipped. By your own admission, you've been in the proverbial closet as to your apostasy -- evidently not really "in the closet" as far as your wife is concerned -- but how can your parents avoid seeing you or dealing with you if they need to come to your house or make arrangements with you to see their grandchildren if you should not move out and be living elsewhere?

    I just called her at the hospital to try and apologize and she hung up on me. I never knew this sort of pain existed.

    You called your wife in order "to try and apologize" for what, Daniel? What did you do, again? You are certainly not sorry about not being able to accept what things Jehovah's Witnesses teach as being the truth, am I right? So for what was it your intent to apologize, if she had been willing to take your call? What are we missing here? What did you tell her that moved you to want to offer her an apology? I'm not asking you to tell anyone what is your personal business, but based on what things you have said here, you do not owe anyone an apology, except maybe Jehovah, who may have hoped that His son would be able to use you "on the last day," that is, during Judgment Day, to help resurrectees come into a knowledge of the same Bible truths that you came to learn on this side of Armageddon.

    I will go to the JC and they will not know what hit them. I guarantee that there has never been a JC than the one I will give them.

    Why? You go into one with the attitude that you have exhibited here, I'd excuse you immediately from the room, call a vote, and it's likely you'd easily be given a reproof. Disfellowshipping is quite serious, and so, absent evidence, the JC would not likely move to expel you from Christian fellowship unless it should later be reported to them that you were spreading apostate views around. If the JC already has such evidence, then I suppose you could be disfellowshipped.

    I posted this message primarily to point out how much of a bad move it would be on your part to move out of the house away from your wife and children, even if your wife should decide to sue you to seek a legal separation and for custody of the children. To file such a lawsuit typically costs money to do and I'm sure she will not be able to depend upon you to finance such a legal action against you, so unless you should decide to treat the loves of your life unlovingly or disrespectfully, or mistreat any of them in any way, I don't see her prevailing in such a lawsuit, or even filing one without financial assistance of someone other than you. But this isn't the main reason I bothered to post this message.

    The main reason I had in mind when posting this message was to tell you that your wife has every right to decide for herself to which religion she will belong or not belong, the same as you have this same right, to either belong to a religious group of some kind or to not belong to any.

    If both of you were of a Jewish background, but you began to do apostate things (like you would regularly pork chops in restaurants, for example), would you be as resolved to accuse your wife's beliefs, her religious viewpoint about eating things that aren't kosher (like pork), as being responsible for her attitude over your not deciding to take these dietary restrictions as seriously as she does? Would you want to go kick the asses of those rabbins at the Jewish temple for their part in confirming these Jewish beliefs that they were teaching Jewish congregants long before you and your wife became Jewish congregants at that synagogue?

    @djeggnog

  • TheJigsUp
    TheJigsUp

    find a bit of self esteem. even a tiny bit and hang on to it.

    you think you're a loser? man theres far bigger losers out there than you think you are.

    i read some of yor posts before, and you and your missus? yeh

    grab yourself some self worth. you got to be the best you can for your kiddies. and as painful as it may be for you, that may not be in your current marital status.

    i dunno man, things are complicated i appreciate that. something to remember tho, my mother used to say.

    theres always someone worse off than yourself. and its true. thats not to say that you shouldnt feel hard done by tho.

    be patient, take stock of your feelings and your priorities. and they can be subject to major change, but do your best to roll with the punches.

    and always harbor a little self worth along the way. what doesnt kill you has the potential to make you stronger better and wiser

    in your future choices. and those life lessons that are of the most valuable to us will often be the most harrowing to endure.

    that is why those experiences are able to teach us. take your down time. forget the JC for now unless you feel it would be better for you individually to do that.

    but dont forget your responsibilities, namely your children. and that is too a complicated issue right there.

    all is not lost, you still have love and those that love you.

  • applehippie
    applehippie

    Daniel,

    Back when my husband was beginning his investigating and he was so angry at the society, we had many disagreements. He felt that I was against him and would not listen. I did try but he is so forceful at times I really needed him to back off and let me absorb at my own pace. I never denied his right to do for himself what he needed to do but it was all he wanted to talk about and I needed him to just shut up sometimes.

    So, he decided he needed to leave. OK. I let him leave but it took time to get all that organised. Once he got some space,I think he calmed down and started to miss us, me and the girls. It was very hard for me at the time too. I couldn't find a job, that's very hard in this area. I had kids that needed rides to school, and I was caring for his mom, who I loved like my own. He did not give up- sometimes I wished he would just go away but he didn't. He made regular times to see the girls at our house. And he made time to spend with me. I resisted but he didn't go away.

    What I'm saying is, take your time. Don't be in a rush do do what she says. Be solicitous and loving. Show genuine care for her health. She needs some emotional space but you can do that at home. If it comes to you moving out- it doesn't mean it's over yet even then. The nights will be lonely for her too. I know. Do the flowers. Take her to dinner even if it's apparently to "talk" or discuss how things need to be handled. It can work if you give a chance. But along with not giving up, remember not to push too hard. Giving space is just as important.

    We're doing fine now. In many ways it's so much better than it's ever was. I hope that encourages you.

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