I've been outed...

by brotherdan 303 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  brotherdan

  So this weekend my wife had a major grand mal seizure for the first time in her life. She was rushed to the ER. A few hours later while I was at her side she had another major one.

  It was the scariest moment in my life. Her entire face turned blue and she stopped breathing. They brought her back. The doctors could not find a reason, but said that most likely it was brought on my stress. She told them that I was the major stress in her life. But I stayed by her side. She told her dad that it is because I am an apostate. He called the elders on me last night and told them that I was such an extreme apostate that I am giving my wife medical problems.

  Watching her seize and pretty much die was the worst experience in my life. She asked me to find a new place to live. I had to tell my son and he immeditaly started crying.

  I am so done. I can't even work today. I must look like a fucking nut sitting in my office with tears running down my face. Why would God let me go through this when I was fighting for him? Either he doesn't care, or he's just not there.

  I'm done, guys.
• 

  xelder

  Please don't give up. Hang on buddy. We can get such pain from all of this, I know personally. Getting some professional help was key to me. and I only went for about 6 sessions. There will be better days. You can find a new normal.
• 

  snowbird

  Brother Dan!

  Quit beating up yourself!

  You are not to blame for your wife's medical problems.

  Don't let her or anyone else lay that on your doorstep.

  Turn to the Master for strength and comfort.

  He's at your side right now; don't rebuff Him.

  Hold on to what you know is true and right, man.

  You can do it!

  Love, peace, and blessings to you.

  Syl
• 

  brotherdan

  My "master" has left me all alone in this entire thing. I am so angry at him. The hurt that he lets me have is too much. I think 1Cor 10:13 is the biggest joke in the world. I've passed the point of what I can bear. I can't bear anymore. And still he lets it go. What love is that? I would never let my kids go through so much hurt, pain, and tears.

  But maybe he isn't my master. Maybe I've claimed that he is, but he never really chose me. I think that's the most likely answer.
• 

  brotherdan

  And please don't call me brotherdan. I'm not a brother. I'm Daniel. And I am a real person. I hurt people. And I've hurt the person that I love most in my life.
• 

  sd-7

  Now you understand how I felt, yes? Painful, isn't it? Horribly painful. And then to be blamed for your wife's nearly dying? My gosh, that's even worse. How did you manage to go to work? Guess sometimes that can be easier.

  I've learned that God, if such a being is out there, sits back and watches billions of tragedies happening and does nothing to prevent any of them. I seriously doubt he's saving it all up for one giant tragedy-fixing act like say, the Bible says. It's quite obvious that the universe is silent. If you listen, you don't hear anything or anyone unless you're schizophrenic. So God to me is not all that different from a "Prime Force", energy, whether conscious or not, that originated all this crap.

  Once it all happens, your soul is seared into nothingness and you have nothing to say to "God". I think I reached that point probably sometime last year. Reality is just a wake-up call and you realize that you're on your own.

  I'm not exactly well-regarded around here for anything, brotherdan, but if you want to talk, just PM me or somethin'. This can be a seriously dangerous time, emotionally, and you're getting a double-serving of emotional trauma. Much as I loathe saying it to someone, this is not something you should try to face alone. I'm sure you'll get plenty of support from the reasonable people here. Hang in there, bro. My thoughts are with you.

  P.S. I hope you're not planning to do the judicial committee. It's not worth it. It'll just make you near-homicidal with rage.

  --sd-7
• 

  brotherdan

  How did you manage to go to work?

  I'm not really working. Just crying in my office.
• 

  tec

  What Sylvia said (I'm saying that a lot today, but she is on fire)!

  As to what you need to do. Get a place. Reassure your son that you are his father and that you and mommy love him, that none of this is his fault. That you will continue to be his dad, and see him and take care of him. Make sure you fight for your rights with your children, Dan. Not necessarily for your sake, but for theirs.

  If I were you, and I could do it, I would also take a couple days leave to get yourself together.

  Again, love and strength to you.

  Tammy
• 

  brotherdan

  Once it all happens, your soul is seared into nothingness and you have nothing to say to "God". I think I reached that point probably sometime last year. Reality is just a wake-up call and you realize that you're on your own.

  Last week I would've argued this. But no longer. I think you are absolutely correct.
• 

  Inside Man

  I feel for you bro. Hang in there & stop talking about the organization with your wife. You cannot make her leave and you cannot make her believe what you believe if she is not ready. If she likes the hall and the so called friends you will have to respect that for now. Let the brothers df you if you dont care anymore. Just accept the fact that you will be looked down upon for a long time by her family and the people at the hall who know the situation. Try to keep the peace at all cost and stay reasonable when dealing with her and her family.