I've been outed...

by brotherdan 303 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  unshackled

  Hey Dan...I'll echo what everyone else has said: just hang in there!
  
  I thought zoiks offered an important reason to be strong in this difficult time...

  "Do what you need to do to stay safe and sane and to be there for your son."
• 

  PSacramento

  Dan,

  You NEED professional help.

  You NEED councelling.

  Get help Dan, for the sake of your kids and for your sake too.
• 

  OUTLAW

  I'm a little pissed at you too, misery, that you are allowing yourself to continue to be part of that group. You could step down and still be a "Witness",

  but for some reaon you are staying inside and being a part of a group that hurts so many people.....BD

  That is so over the top it`s ridiculous..So is this thread..

  Your milking this for everything it`s worth..

  Your killing your wife..Your pissed off with God.

  Your going to throw yourself Under the Bus at a JC meeting

  Lets toss "MiseryLovesElders" in there,for good measure..

  The Drama never ends,with Drama Queen Dan..

  Maybe you can find some nice people to adopt you..

  

  .......................... ...OUTLAW
• 

  MeanMrMustard

  Dan,

  Also, if it turns into an ugly legal issue, you may want to consult : http://www.jehovahswitnessesexperts.com/

  I believe these are attorneys that understand and specialize in WT related custody cases. They know the tricks the WT will pull. If it comes to it... fight for your kids.

  OK, that's all the advice I have to give. I'm so sorry this is happening to you..
• 

  scary21

  Dan I agree dont move out of the home! they can say you LEFT them...move to another room..but dont leave...talk to a lawyer! get help..listen to all the smart friends you have here....great advice!!! Sherry
• 

  jamiebowers

  Dan, I too have been in an abusive jw marriage, and after getting through that and marrying the love of my life, I watched him die and stay dead for five minutes until rescue personnel revived him, so I know a little of what you speak. But I'm talking to you now as a wife and a mother. First off, you have way too much to do to involve yourself with a jc. IMO, you should be busying yourself with:

  • Get an attorney who specializes in custody matters and divorce.
  • Find an apartment or make arrangements for your wife to stay with family when she's released from the hospital.
  • Keep your kids in their own beds in your house and stay there with them.
  • Arrange for counseling for you, your kids and possibly your wife, if she'll go.
  • Stop thinking about how much you love your wife and kids, and start thinking about the best way you can help them.

  Your wife may be a great mother, but the fact remains that she's had serious mental health issues which have now become serious physical health issues. If she doesn't want to live with you, that's fine, but you have your kids to think about. What's going to happen to them if/when she decides to attempt suicide or has another grand mal seizure? With her background, it's doubtful she'd get full custody let alone a stay away order against you.

  There is no way you're at fault for any of her issues. There are plenty of women, myself included, who have gone through a whole lot worse in marriage and still managed not to try to off themselves. There are also many families with a history of seizures, mine included, and they are not caused by stress unless there is an underlying cause for having seizures in the first place.

  There are also many of us who are shunned by our parents, including me, and guess what, we've survived. You will too. If your parents choose to shun you, that's their business. I'm not saying it won't hurt, but you have your own life, and more importantly, your own life with your kids to consider.

  I don't mean to sound harsh, but the reality is that your kids shouldn't be going through all of the drama that's been going on. For their sakes, stop it now! Stand up for yourself and for them. If your wife sees that you're going to protect them and yourself with a vengence, maybe, just maybe, she'll come to her senses and see that having an "apostate" husband is not all that bad. If not, she'll be forced to understand that she doesn't call all of the shots with you and your kids just by virtue of her gender or standing as a card carrying cult member.

  As far as her charges against you, it's a "he said, she said" situation. You owe no one an explanation, including and especially the elders. Stop wasting time, man, and start protecting your kids.
• 

  diamondiiz

  bDan: As people said before, believing witnesses are damaged goods and however wonderful these people are, it's an illusion as their mind belongs to the cult. Be careful that anger doesn't get you in physical trouble. Even if you lose your wife you have your kids and for your kids sake, fight for them so they don't have to be taken over by the cult and dashed to pieces as many of our lives had been only to having to rebuild later in our lives. The kids need a house as you said but why can't you fight for the house and the kids? Your wife can leave without the kids. Talk to a lawyer, get the wts child custody pamphlet to the lawyer and make a strategy how to keep your kids and as much as you can walk away with. She believes that you're causing the family to die at Armageddon, you know that's BS but as long as she doesn't have anything else against you, you have as good of a chance of getting custody of your kids as her. She's in a cult where she would refuse blood to save the children, she's in a cult where she will discourage education because the cult says so. Not to paint the wife as bad but the cult controlling her as evil ideology that destroys people's lives. If you can't get her back in your life, and your only option is divorce - fight for your kids. You must understand how she thinks but obviously she can't see how you think because the cult mentality is blocking her sense of reason. Don't let the cult destroy your kids' lives even if wts takes your wife away from you. Control your anger to the point of not loosing the chance of gaining your kids. If you go to JC and punch these assholes, you will be charged with assault and this will be bad news for you to get your kids, even may cost you child visitation rights to a degree if they paint you as a violent man. Think of a best strategy that may work for you, try to control your anger. Remember without you, your kids have only the cult. Trust me I have deep rooted anger but at this time it doesn't benefit me to do anything that may cost me what I have.
• 

  Lozhasleft

  I want to be kind to you Bro Dan...I send you hugs but not sure what else to say...your life goes from drama to drama...take care.

  Loz x
• 

  Robdar

  I didn't know stress was a factor in a Grand Mal seizure without a history of epilesy. Epilepsy can be very complicated. Unless the doctor at the hospital is a specialist in epilepsy, I would take his decision that the seizure was brought about by stress with a grain of salt. The seizures could be a symptom of something far more serious. Please encourage your wife to get a thorough medical checkup with a specialist.

  Also, please remember that after the Grand Mals you wife wasn't in her right mind. She will probably not recall half of what was said to your father in law. Any decisions she made about wanting you to leave can't be trusted right now. Give her a few days if she doesn't feel like talking today. Things just might work themselves out with your wife although it sounds like you are probably headed to a JC.

  Robyn
• 

  simon17

  Dan,

  You've got to stop saying to yourself that you're a bad person and you hurt people. Right now you're devestation is not what has happened to you but that, rightly or wrongly, YOU are the source of a good person's pain. Thats probably the worst feeling a good person can feel.

  Yeah, I was goign to try to type something encouraging, but thats not what you want to hear right now, is it? Right now you're miserable and feeling guilty and its going to stay that way, probably for a long while. Not much you can do to get around that.

  But you're not a bad person. You're caught up in a world in which suffering happens. Its just that some people feel bad when things happen to them. And some people feel bad when they cause pain to others. Sorry you're the 2nd type. If its any consolation. me too.